Turtle Tracks

Huge Birdless Silence

2009-09-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

On a slow boat we drift in horse latitude waters
Becalmed on the swells of the internal sea
And towing behind us a huge birdless silence
The air is a hammer, the waters don't breath

On a day like tomorrow when all things are sacred
I'll lie like a drunk against the sun roasted wall
And the air will not move and all time hangs suspended
Between now and forever until darkness falls

Well, I haven't been running. It's still hard to find the time and motivation. I'm wondering if I shouldn't just give up on it completely. I went to the doctor recently to recheck my blood work, only to find it's even worse than before. This is after eight months of eating right and losing almost 20 pounds, too. I'm also, still, incredibly vitamin D deficient. I walk the dogs every morning after I get home from work, figuring that's a good amount of time to be in the sun and soak up some D naturally, but apparently not. I now have to take a liquid supplement in addition to the tablets, and I have to recheck again in three months. My cholesterol is still high; high enough that my doctor is considering putting me on statins. "I don't want to go the medication route," she told me, so she suggested I take red rice yeast in addition to the Cholestoff I had been taking (very, very sporadically).

My sister, who is a medical transcriptionist, and a friend who works as a pharmacy tech both cautioned me against the red rice yeast. I am taking the Cholestoff regularly, and am also taking garlic supplements, which my friend suggested. I hope this will help.

Exercise is key, and aside from walking and all the running around I do at work, I'm not getting any. Sure, the weight is coming off, but that doesn't mean I'm getting healthier. It just means I can pull all of my jeans off without having to unbutton or unzip them. Two of my co-w0rkers have commented recently on how much weight I've lost; this is really nice to hear, but I need to work on being healthy inside.

I just don't have the energy. I don't know how to find the energy. It's hard trying to get everything done that needs to be done every day, ADD-wise. The amount of energy it takes a "normal" person to get through their entire day is the same amount of energy it takes me to get dressed and put on my shoes before I leave the house. Medication helps (in so many ways, I can't even begin to explain), but my life is still an overwhelming mess. My co-worker is out on maternity leave until the end of the month, and while I enjoy getting the overtime (something the company I work for never allows), the stress of the extra work load is getting to me.

However, a friend just sent me and my sister a book: Organizing Solutions for People with Attention Deficit Disorder, by Susan C. Pinsky. I haven't read through the whole thing yet, but what I have read MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. I have hope that this book will help me get my shit together, at least enough so that I'm at the point where I can focus on myself and running. It's insane how much I loved (and hated) it, and yet I keep denying myself that one pleasure.

Why?

The good news is that I turned a friend on to the Couch-to-5k program. She has attempted it once, so far, on her treadmill. She made it 13 minutes in and then had to quit. Baby steps, people. It's ok if you don't make it all the way through on your first try. She said that she needed to get the pacing down before she tries it again; having to turn the speed up and down really distracted her, plus she's "not a runner," (her words) and it's not as easy to get into as it was for me. Not that it was easy easy, but I ran a lot in high school, so I was no stranger to it.

My sister has a pilates machine and I suggested we move it down to the front room (it's in her room right now). My reasoning is that I don't know all the exercises to do on the machine, so if we put the machine in the front room, I could follow along to some pilates DVDs. Plus, for people with ADD, it's all about having the things you need right out in the open. If it's in a closet, you forget about it or don't have the energy to go and get it. It's all about reducing the steps. So having the machine right there means all I'd have to do is set it down on the floor and pop the DVD into the TV. Viola! Might as well build up my muscles again, in anticipation of running regularly.

I just need to keep thinking about my health. It's something I spend a lot of time ignoring. But I am unhealthy, and that's insane for a vegan. The only explanation I can come up with is that it's genetic. I have to assume because I am adopted and know very little about my birth mother and father's medical histories. I have met my birth mother and grandparents and five aunts and uncle, and I'm pretty sure cancer runs in the family. This alone should scare me into exercising. Shouldn't it? I will have to call V one day and discuss the family's medical history. I need to know after all. I've spent my life writing "N/A" for Family Medical History at the doctors office.

Finding the time.

2009-08-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

It’s me again. Yeah, I’m still here. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m probably not going to be able to fit three runs in every week. Not right now, maybe not ever. I did run two weeks ago. I’d gotten off work early (to offset my working six days a week) and was determined to run. When I got home, I walked the dogs for 20 minutes, went home and jumped into my running gear and off I went.

I’d been looking forward to using the Couch-to-5k application I’d purchased for my iPhone, so I was very excited to head out. It was probably around 6:15 in the morning. The sun hadn’t really come out yet, it was still relatively cool. Nobody else was up and about. Perfect conditions.

The run went really well. I thought that since I haven’t run regularly in over a year, I’d be in pretty bad shape, but that wasn’t the case. My legs started to burn a little halfway through, but I never once felt like I wanted to quit and die right in the middle of the road. So that was good.

I’m not sure if the Ulrey podcasts or the application is off, but I definitely ran farther this time than I usually did with the podcast. And I think the timing is off for one of them. At any rate, I ran, I did well, I went home and stretched.

I was banking on getting off work early last night (er, this morning) but that didn’t happen and so I didn’t run. I could have, since I got home before the sun came up, but I was too damn tired. Maybe tomorrow.

I just have so much to do every day before I go to work, I don’t have time for exercising. I could run when I get up in the afternoon, but lately it has been to damn hot. I could do that in the Fall, though.

I really do need to get more exercise, though, and walking the dogs every morning is a good start. It’s good for all of us, health-wise, but it’s also good for the soul. I feel like I never see my dogs anymore, so I’m happy to be able to spend this quiet time with them. Plus, the golden retriever puppy on the corner runs out to join us, and I can always count on him to play with Curly Joe and wear him out.

I am currently down to a weight I haven’t seen in about eight years. It doesn’t mean as much to me, though, because I know that the weight loss is from not eating (due to my ADD meds). It’s a little bit because of all the running around I do at work, but still. I’d feel like this was more of an accomplishment if I was doing strength training or running on a regular basis.

As it stands, I have lost over 16 pounds since February. I have lost 38 pounds since December of 2005. That doesn’t seem like much to me. It’s better than nothing, so I’ll take it, but I feel like I could do more.

Oh, that reminds me. I think the run was easier on me because I’ve lost almost 20 pounds in six months. It has definitely helped, so I can’t knock it too much.

So that’s what’s been going on. I’ll get there. I still have hope.

Oh, hi.

2009-05-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah. It’s a month later and I haven’t run a day since. Finding time between my graveyard hours and everything else I have to do in a day has been nearly impossible. When I do have the time, I’m completely unmotivated to get out there. I miss the little track by my mom’s house, and I hate running in my sister’s neighborhood because rabid neighbor dogs always chase me.

This morning (or lunchtime, to you Day Dwellers), I woke up with a solution: the treadmill.

Yes, I hate treadmills. BUT. I love running, and this is a fair compromise.

We got this thing probably over ten years ago. Lugged it out here from Chicago with us. It hasn’t been used in a very long time. In fact, we dragged it out onto the back deck last year, planning on throwing it out or trying to give it away. So when I woke up this morning, the first thing that popped into my head was “treadmill.”

I went out and got an extension cord, plugged it in and (after a brief phone call to my sister) figured out how to turn it on. It works! It’s full of dust, dirt, leaves and dead bugs, but it works. Tomorrow I will give it a good cleaning and then get back to running.

I think I will run when I get home from work. You’re not supposed to work out before you go to bed, but with summer coming on, I would rather work out in the mornings before it gets too warm.

Plus, I really hope the noise disturbs my asshole neighbors while they’re trying to sleep. They built a fucking halfpipe by their fence and it’s right across the yard from my bedroom. Even with earplugs in, I can still hear the thumping and banging while I’m trying to sleep. I fucking hate these people.

Anyway, I’ve got the Couch-to-5k application for my iPhone and lots of Basshunter to run with, so I think this is going to work out really well for me. I would love to do strength training, too (I love it), but for now I’ll just focus on the running and eventually throw in some weights when I have a chance.

Week One, Day One (third time's a charm!)

2009-04-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! I ran! It was pushing 80° by the time I got out there (5 p.m.), but I was determined to run anyway. Two minutes into the warm up, I was accosted by a neighbor dog. Friendly, thankfully, but you know how dogs thing fast-moving beings are fun to chase. Going into my fourth run interval, I was accosted by two other dogs. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO KEEP YOUR DOGS IN THE FUCKING YARD?

But I digress. I downloaded the Couch to 5k application for my iPhone, but I don't have a holder big enough for my iPhone. I'll just go with my trusty old iPod. Right when it went into the first run interval, I started smiling. It was like meeting an old friend. You know, the kind you like to see but don't necessarily get along with a lot of the time?

As I plodded along, I started thinking, This isn't so bad. Maybe I won't have to do much of Week 1 after all. Famous last words. By the fourth run interval, I was contemplating quitting. Ah, yes. Now I remember. The love/hate thing.

It's good to be back.

The only thing is that, in the summer, I'm used to running early in the morning to avoid the heat. Nowadays, I go to bed at around 7:30 or 8:00 so I'm up by 3:30 or so. I think that I will try running after I get home Wednesday morning. Maybe around 6:30? I know you're not supposed to work out before you go to bed, but I need to run when it's light out so none of my asshole neighbors run me down on their way to work. It'll take some adjustment, but I'll figure this out. I need to get some new shorts, though.

Anyway, go me!

After running, I stretched, took my Vyvanse and then my sister and I went outside and cut down a whole mess of brambles. Quite a productive day! Tomorrow I may give my sister's pilates machine a try.

Now I have to go get ready for work.

This is some shit up with which I will not put.

2009-04-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

I'm going to bed in a little while, and when I get up (and have a nice, healthy smoothie for breakfast) around 3:30, I'm going to go running.

Third time's a charm, eh?

It's been a while since I ran. I'm afraid to look, but ... yeah. August 2nd of last year. Way, way, way, way too long.

I had already planned on starting up again today, but I just found an application for the iPhone that allows you to listen to your own music while running; the application gives you audio cues to let you know when it's time to slow down or speed up. It was $2.99, but I got it anyway. The Ulrey podcasts are wonderful, but I have never liked the music. Now I can plod along to my classic rock and (thanks to my friend Mara) the Netherlands Top 40.

I've lost almost 12 pounds since February and I was going to wait until I got back into strength training before I started running again, but with my graveyard schedule and all the crap going on in my life right now, I don't really have time to squeeze all that in everyday. For now, I'll just go with the running. See how I do. I still need to get new shoes, so hopefully my old ones (still in great condition) will suffice.

Wish me luck!

Decisions have been made!

2009-03-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

Starting tomorrow, I am starting to exercise again. I don't care if it's just a 40 walk with the dogs in the afternoon or a half hour on the elliptical before or after work: I WILL DO IT. I will start running again. I'm just going to build up to it. Also, I need to buy another sports iPod holder thingy because my mom's cats stole mine.

Hope you're all doing well.

Getting closer.

2009-03-16T05:04:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm still here. Slowly but surely getting my shit together. I'm happy to announce that I've lost ten pounds in the last month. A lot of that has to do with my starting ADD medication; Dexedrine was once used as a weight loss drug. I just don't feel like eating anymore. I force myself to, but at least I'm not doing the emotional-overeating all the time. I've been at my new job for about five months now, so I'm either working or sleeping. Now that the Self Challenge had started up again, I'm motivated to start working out again. I just need to find the time for it.

Also, I've had some asthma trouble lately, having a lot of trouble breathing. I've got medication now, thanks to insurance, and am getting it under control. I just really miss running. I'll get there soon. None of my pants or bras fit me anymore, which is exciting but also a pain. I'm either adjusting or yanking at an article of clothing all day.

Hope you're all doing well.

Turning point.

2009-01-25T22:56:00.000-08:00

I recently went to a doctor in Portland and was diagnosed with ADD. Did you know that it’s more inheritable than height? My sister’s got it, and chances are (from what I know of her) our birth mother has it, too. My one goal tomorrow is to call and make an appointment with a doctor (thank gad for health insurance) so I can get started on medication. I have never been a supporter of meds, aside from all the ibuprofen I eat to get through life with the dry twist. I was on Zoloft about seven years ago but it did nothing for me. That was, according to the doctor, a good indication that I’d been misdiagnosed as having panic disorder/depression. However, there is something wrong with my brain, and if medication can help me, I am all for it.

I had a bit of a cry afterward; nobody likes to hear there’s something wrong with their brain. But I was also relieved. All these years I thought I was stupid and crazy. All these years of beating myself up for not being able to figure out the simple stuff. And hey, I didn’t get fired from my last job for being forgetful - I got fired for having a disability. (ADHD is recognized as a disability under federal legislation -the Rehabilitation Act of 1973; the Americans With Disabilities Act; and the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act). And these last three months at my new job, driving home every night feeling like the dumbest person on the planet, not being able to remember codes and procedures two seconds after they’ve been explained to me. Sometimes I’ll get a sample that I’ve done a hundred times before and I’ll have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Nothing on the req form makes sense. I honestly thought I was stupid. The simplest things are so hard, so what other explanation can there be? I’ll leave a load of laundry in the dryer for a week instead of folding it and putting it away. I’ll walk past a fork on the kitchen floor ten times and it’ll never occur to me to pick it up and put it in the sink. My whole life is overwhelming.

But now I know it’s not my fault. My shit’s all fucked up but it’s nothing I did. It’s going to be hard, trying to figure my life out now, but at least I know what’s wrong and will soon have the tools to cope with it. Once I get it together, I'll be better able to focus on things. Which means I'll actually start running again. At this point, I'm just going to have to start all over, but that's OK. This is kind of like a new beginning, anyway.

2009

2008-12-31T19:37:00.000-08:00

(Don't drink and drive, okay?)

Here's to (literally) getting back on track. *clink*

P.S. I have to do Happy New Year early because I'll be at work when the new year rolls in.

Checking in.

2008-12-28T04:09:00.000-08:00

Just a little note, to anyone still reading this, that I'm still around. Not running, not even working out. Just trying to survive the winter. I miss running like you wouldn't believe, but I can't seem to motivate myself enough to get back out there.

Any suggestions? Words of inspiration? Ass kickings?

Looking forward to the end of 2008. I never make New Years resolutions, but come January first I am going to get back to being kind to myself. Eating better, at least walking the dogs once a day. Baby steps back into fitness. Whatever it takes to get me there, right?

I've got a bead on a consult with an ADHD doctor in Portland, but ... I flaked on my appointment two weeks ago. I didn't even bother trying to set up a new one this last week and a half because we've been snowed in like ... I don't know. Something that gets trapped by snow?

Eventually, I will start running around my sister's neighborhood. I hate it. I hate the neighbors, I hate the area. I miss my quiet little broken down track in the middle of nowhere, where I could run and run and not be bothered by aggressive dogs and off-roading rednecks.

Well, I'm going to run along now. I've got to go to the library (in 12 hours, so I'd better hit the hay) and pick some stuff up (Bad Company, The Elephant Man: A Study in Human Dignity and Johnny Got His Gun). So I am going to watch some videos and then hit the hay. We didn't have much of a Christmas this year (as in: not at all), but we're all alive and doing relatively well, and that's pretty much all I want. My good friends Andy and Ed collaborated on a little gift for me, and it really made my day/week/year. For those of you who didn't grow up in Chicago, Svengoolie is only one of the best shows ever. It was like early MST3K except there was only one character (Svengoolie) doing sketches and telling jokes during the breaks. I spent many happy hours watching this show as a child, so when Ed mentioned the show on his blog, I seethed with jealousy. And what do you know? I recently received a package from Ed. Inside I found three DVDs, each containing two episodes of Svengoolie:

Night of the Lepus
The Creeping Terror
The Gorgon
Gallery of Horror
The Boys from Brooklyn
Mothra

Ed supplied the videos, Andy did the transferring. Don't I have wonderful friends?

I wasn't able to get the videos until yesterday (they were up at my mom's), and I still haven't had a chance to watch them yet. But I will. Maybe I'll have a Svengoolie marathon on New Years day. I have the day off. Why not start the new year off with an old friend?

P.S. I got my new work schedule and it just so happens that three of my days off coincide with several firefighter hockey games! I'm really excited and can't wait to go. I'm also hoping to catch one or two more Winter Hawks games as well. And let's not forget about THE WINTER CLASSIC. I'm so fucking excited, I can't even tell you. It might get postponed to January 2nd, though, because, well ... only in Chicago. Either way, I'm on it. I'll be glued to the TV, decked out in my Yzerman jersey. I am a bit conflicted about who to support, though. I was born in Michigan (about 45 minutes south of Detroit) but grew up in Chicago. I guess I should just consider myself lucky that both my home states (what? I can have two home states) are playing HOCKEY IN WRIGLEY FIELD. I'd give anything to be there.

And oh. My. Gad. I HAVE TO HAVE THIS:

Merry Christmas, eh.

2008-12-25T00:09:00.000-08:00

Merry Whatevermas, internet people. My gift to youse: my favorite Christmas song:

The courage to start. Again.

2008-11-14T19:15:00.000-08:00

Still not running, but this evening I found myself a pound away from my weight from my running days. I know it's not the numbers that matter, but it was disheartening to see I'd gained weight again. But I'm back down again and even my mom is telling me I look smaller.

I think maybe it’s because I’m working now and don’t eat as much? Honestly, I still stress-binge like a motherfucker. I might be able to attribute it to the diet root beer I’ve been drinking. Sure, the Splenda will probably kill me in the end, but at least they won’t need a forklift to get me into my coffin.

At any rate, I’ve lost weight and I intend to run with it. Literally. I’m not going to start up again until I’ve gotten in a good week of aerobic and strength training, and I also need to get that new pair of running shoes.

I just want to get out there and run right now, mostly because IT STOPPED RAINING.

ETA: I forgot to mention the hockey. I know, it's not a hockey blog.

Last weekend, I dragged my sister to the Golden Skate charity hockey game between the Portland Firefighters Hockey Club and Seattle firefighters (not sure what their club is called). The benefit was for the Down Syndrome Network of Oregon, and it was open seating so my sis and I sat up by the glass. It was awesome, especially since some guy in the seats behind us kept yelling out a line from Slap Shot, which you can here in this video I took:

Sure, he wasn't saying it correctly, but it was still awesome. Slap Shot quotes at a hockey game. Life is good.

P.S. Portland won, 8-1. And there was a fight.

Change.

2008-11-04T20:15:00.000-08:00

We just made history. I don't even know what to say.

The Fourth of November

2008-11-04T17:50:00.000-08:00

I hope you all voted today. I wish I was at a bar right now, drinking root beer and watching the elections with everybody else, but noooooooo. I have to go to work. How the hell can I concentrate when something this important is going on??

Well, anyway. No matter who you support, I really hope you went out and cast your vote.

If it turns out the way I hope, maybe we can make this country great again.

Fever.

2008-11-02T16:36:00.000-08:00

I usually get home from work at around 5:10 a.m. Driving through the city in the wee hours of morning, I've been amazed at how many people I see jogging. They inspire me. There's nothing stopping me from running again (aside from untreated ADD); I get up at 2 p.m. and leave for work at 8:30 p.m. Plenty of time to exercise/run every day.

Soon. Very soon. I need to build up some strength first and then ease back into it. I hate to start all over at Week 1 again, but if I have to, I will. As long as I start moving again, things will be fine. I need to run again. First things first, new running shoes.

In the streets on Halloween, there's something going on.

2008-10-31T15:34:00.000-07:00

I speak in answers only to see them in my mind.

2008-10-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

Just stopping in to say I'm still not running. BUT. I am slowly settling in at work. I'm still confused as hell most of the time, but I'm not quite so overwhelmed. Depending on how busy we are, I usually get home around 5 a.m. I fart around until 7:00 and then feed the animals. By then, it's starting to get light out. While they're all chowing down, I go and get ready for bed. Then I take the dogs out to potty one last time and hit the hay. I wake up anytime between noon and 2:00. Let the dogs out, wash my face, have some breakfast, run errands. I've been running errands like crazy lately. It kind of drives me nuts because I'm sick of being in the goddamn car all the time. But my sister is still in Chicago and there's no one here but me to take care of things. Yesterday I went to the post office to overnight her a package and ended up tearing off half my fingernail with the P.O.'s big tape dispenser thingy. So I'm standing there in line with blood dripping off my finger. It was pretty heinous. I wrapped it in my sweatshirt because I didn't have any tissue. Have you ever ripped off a fingernail or toenail? It's pretty fucking painful. And I had to go to work that night and enter shit into a computer for seven hours.

But I digress. This is my third week at my new job. My benefits kick in next month, which means I'll be able to see a doctor for the first time in five years. And I can go to the dentist. And see my therapist on a regular basis. That reminds me, I've got to finish filling out this paperwork and send it to Dr. ADHD so I can get my brain fixed. I'm getting my hair cut on Thursday and Friday I'm seeing Not!Mia (my therapist). Hopefully, my sister will be home this Saturday. Once she gets back, I won't have to worry so much. Plus, I miss her.

Anyway, my point is, things aren't feeling quite as hopeless anymore. Once I get settled at work, I'll be able to focus on my home life and get back to regular workouts and, more importantly, RUNNING. I took the boys up to my mom's for dinner on Sunday and when I drove past the track on the way there, I got really, really upset. I had my shit together and it all went to hell. I don't feel strong anymore. I've been so stressed out lately, and I know that running has always made me feel better and put things into perspective. I stuck with it for over a year. That's a big deal for me. To have not run in so long really bothers me. I miss writing about my runs three times a week.

Well, I'm going to go hang out with my dogs and read Slap Shot Original for a little while. Oh! And also fill out my ballot!

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, PEOPLE.

New blog.

2008-10-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

Just a short note to let interested parties know I’ve started the Curly Joe blog, which can be read here. I don’t have a lot of time for updates right now, but LaShea and I at least got things started. It is my intention to post regular updates on Curly Joe's health and well being. Good days, bad days, so-so days. It's all part of the adventure. If you want to be updated on how he's doing, go to his page and click on "Follow." I won't be posting anymore Curly-related updates on my running blog.

Update.

2008-10-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

Still here. Still not running. I thought I’d be able to fit my workouts in before I left for work, but boy was I wrong. I leave at around 8:45 p.m. and get home sometime after 5 a.m. At first I tried going right to bed when I got home, but I’d have to get up at 9:00 to feed the animals because my sister was working. So I’d get very little sleep and when I tried taking a nap in the afternoon, there was way too much going on. Neighbors running chainsaws, cats making noise, Curly Joe had to go out again, etc. So I haven’t been working out. I’ve lost some weight though (2 lbs); I guess being too busy to eat really pays off.

This past week was really incredibly stressful. My sister flew back to Chicago on Friday because she got the call that her mother-in-law was in the end stages of cancer and fading fast. She’d been in a coma for three days and when she woke up, all she did was ask for my sister. I went in to work Thursday night, intending to ask if I could leave early to drive my sister to the airport (which I work near), but when I went in to talk to my supervisor, I was appalled to find myself bawling my eyes out. J isn’t my mother-in-law, and I certainly don’t know her as well as my sister does, but she is a wonderful woman, and I hate that this had to happen to her and her family. My supervisor was incredibly understanding and told me to just head home. I was so grateful. I went home and stayed up with my sister, who was a wreck. I got about 20 minutes of sleep and then got up to drive her to the airport at around 5:30. Dropped her off, came home and stayed up long enough to feed the animals and let the dogs out at 9:00, then went to bed and slept until 6:30.

My sister is staying with her mother-in-law until the end, which the doctors say won’t be too long now. A couple of days more, I guess. J sleeps most of the time, but she woke up a few times and knows my sister is there. I am here alone, taking care of the animals and struggling to adjust to a hectic new job and trying to change into a night person after over 20 years of being a morning person. Saturday, I was so happy to have survived the week, I dropped off three rolls of film, went to the library, checked out some books and sat on a bench in the sun and read for an hour and a half. I was just so grateful to be out in the fresh air and feel the warm sun on my face. Winter is coming and there won’t be many more days like that.

I’ve got Wednesday off this week. I’m going to try and get my hair cut on Thursday (before work) and Friday (before work) I’ve got to take Curly Joe for a recheck with the doctor at NWVS. I work Saturday night, too (which is why I have Wednesday off). I’m kind of worried because I think Curly Joe may have a hernia. My sister says it’s nothing to worry about as long as he’s still pooping, but I’m going to ask the doctor about it on Friday. If he has to have another surgery, so be it, but that might be the end of me. I honestly can’t handle anymore stress.

I brought the dogs up to my mom's this evening to visit while I made dumpling stew. I also did laundry and took a shower. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do when we grow up? Mooch off our parents?

There is one good thing, though. I got a book in the mail: Slap Shot Original: The Man, The Foil, The Legend, by Dave Hanson. Totally forgot I’d pre-ordered it. I look forward to reading it on my lunch break. Now all we need is a book from the Carlson brothers, and I’ll be happy.

So that’s the news for now. I’m not doing very well these days. Nothing to do but keep on keeping on, right?

Just like anything.

2008-10-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

Still here, guys. Still not running. Curly Joe came home a week ago and has recovered remarkably well for a puppy who has been on death’s door twice in the seven months he’s been on this earth. He’s a fighter. If he’s not giving up, neither are we. He hasn’t felt well since last night, but I’m trying not to freak out about it. I’d forgotten to give him his Pepcid two nights in a row, and that might have something to do with it. Not to mention he still has a severe liver problem, and is bound to have off days.

I started a Curly Joe blog with his foster mom; it is for anyone who wants to keep tabs on Curly and how he’s doing, and also so that I don’t clog up my running journal with puppy stuff. Not that the puppy stuff is bad, of course. I just want to try and stay on topic as much as possible. The blog will be made public once we get a few “earlier” entries up.

I weighed myself last night (for the first time in about four months) because I wanted to see if Curly Joe had gained any weight (he had lost two pounds pre-surgery). Curly has gained two pounds. I have gained eight. THE HORROR. I’m not freaking out about it, though. I’m on my period, and I had also just eaten a huge (veggie) meatball sandwich before stepping on the scale. I start my new job tomorrow night, and I know that having a set schedule will help me with eating regular meals. I have been stuffing my face regularly for the past two weeks, from stress and anxiety. My sister bought me a little laptop (bento) lunch box as a gift for getting the new job, and I’m looking forward to coming up with tasty meals to stuff it with. Right now I’m thinking a small salad, some raw red pepper strips, baby carrots, some almonds and raisins. I don’t have much of an imagination when it comes to food. It’ll be strange eating my lunch at midnight, but I guess I’ll get used to it. You know what else I know I’ll get used to? A PAYCHECK. And as soon as my health insurance kicks in next month, I’m making an appointment for a complete physical. I haven’t seen a doctor in six years. That’s bad. After that, I’m heading straight for the dentist. I need to have a wisdom tooth pulled and get a cleaning. I’m toying with the idea of teeth whitening, but I don’t want to look like an actor. I’d just like a shade lighter than what I’ve got going on right now. I want to look healthy, not Hollywood.

In other health-related news, after some careful consideration, I signed up at Jillian Michaels’ website. Of course, I didn’t find out until afterward what a shrew she is about veganism, but that’s fine. I love watching Biggest Loser, and though I know this website isn’t the same as working out for two hours every day with a personal trainer while your whole life is put on hold, I know that having structure works for me. Being able to enter my weight and my workouts and tracking my progress is what keeps me motivated. Here’s a recipe that’s easily veganized:

Dried Figs Stuffed With Almonds & Cream Cheese

Prep Time: 5 mins
Total Time: 5 mins
Makes 4 Servings:
Per Serving: Calories: 154 , Saturated Fat: 1.9 g , Total Fat: 7 g , Carbs: 21 g , Dietary Fiber: 4 g , Protein: 4 g , Cholesterol: 7 mg , Sodium: 73 mg

Ingredients:
1/2 cup(s) figs, dried
1/4 cup(s) cream cheese, ~~reduced-fat~~ Tofutti
1/4 cup(s) nuts, almonds

Instructions: Make a lengthwise slit in each fig, not cutting all the way through. Spread a teaspoon of cream cheese inside each hole, and stuff with one or two almonds. Serve.

Plenty of recipes to choose from/veganize. I have it set up that Wednesdays and Sundays are my rest days. Tomorrow my workout consists of:

Warm Up/Prep: Warm Up
Circuit 1: Jumping Squat (3 sets of 15), Plyo Push-Up (3 sets of 15)
Circuit 2: Military Shoulder Press (3 sets of 15), Sumo Squat (3 sets of 15), Mountain Climbers (3 sets of 1)
Circuit 3: Bench Dip (3 sets of 15), One-Leg Pelvic Thrust (3 sets of 15), Jumping Rope (3 sets of 1)
Circuit 4: Weighted Crunch(3 sets of 15) , Jumping Jacks (3 sets of 1)
Circuit 5: Tricep Kickbacks (3 sets of 15), Russian Twists (3 sets of 15), Jumping Rope (3 sets of 1)
Cool Down: Cool Down

I figure I will just do the elliptical for warm up and cool down. And I think I’ll change the jumping squats to regular ones; I’m not sure my knees could handle that. At any rate, I’m really looking forward to starting this. There’s a weekly checklist you can print out that lists all the exercises and has check boxes so you can mark them off as you complete them. Perfect for me! I'm giving myself some time to settle into my weird work hours and also build up my strength again before picking up where I left off with the Couch-to-5k program.

In addition to having a healthy body, I’m also working on having a healthy mind. I have contacted a doctor about coming in to be evaluated for ADHD (sans H). The trouble is, she has ADHD herself, so it’s hard to pin her down. She e-mailed me some paperwork to print and fill out while I wait for her to send me a packet in the mail. If I am diagnosed, I am comforted to know that in a month I will be able to afford medication. My sister has been doing well on Adderall, though she forgets to eat. I try to make meals and bring them in to her (she does medical transcription from her home office), but after I start my job, she’ll have to fend for herself.

That’s about all I have time for right now, but before I go, ARE YOU REGISTERED TO VOTE? Go to Vote for Change to register to vote, register to vote absentee or find your polling location. You can also double check to make sure you’re registered to vote in your state. In this day and age, it’s a good thing to pay attention to.

ETA: I forgot to mention how incredibly happy I am that hockey season is upon us. My Red Wings are off to a good start, and I'm looking forward to seeing how Stamkos does as a Bolt, not to mention Artyukhin. Oh, and Malone and Roberts. I was flipping through the channels the other night and was delighted to find some hockey. The Winter Hawks vs Guelph. I thought it was strange that they kept mentioning Marian Hossa. Eventually I realized this was a Memorial Cup game from ten years ago, before Hossa became a Senator. And now he’s a Red Wing!

Speaking of the Winter Hawks, I dragged my sister to the season opener at the Memorial Coliseum on September 20th. The Spokane Chiefs won 3-0 (the third goal was scored during a five-on-three power play) and with 3:12 left in the third period, one of the Chiefs hit a Hawk. The Hawk took exception to this and shoved the Chief. The Chief shoved back. The Hawk hauled off and popped him right in the face. Then there were helmets and gloves all over the ice and the crowd was roaring. It was beautiful. It went on for quite a while. Not a bench-clearing brawl, but there were three fights going on at once. The goalies stayed out of it. At one point I looked at my sister and she said, “Ok. Fights are fun!” They put two guys from each team in the penalty box (one of them practically had to be dragged) and then the captains spent a few minutes talking to the ref. Eventually, three guys from each team were led off the ice, and there was much cheering.

Depending on my work schedule, the next game I can go to is this Saturday (against Seattle). Sis said she would go to another game with me, and my friend Rene is interested in going, too. The Portland Firefighters Hockey Club are starting up again soon, and I plan on going to a lot of those games. They’ve got a charity game against the Seattle firefighters club in November. I’m really looking forward to that. And here I thought I would only have TV hockey to slate my thirst! I’m still planning on getting my passport so I can go up to Vancouver for a Canucks game, and speaking of which, I would looooooooooooooooove to get tickets to the Winter Games in 2012. And I really hope this shows in Portland. If not, I’m getting the DVD.

Living is a gamble, baby. Loving's much the same.

2008-09-28T13:33:00.001-07:00

I have so much to say and no time to say it. Curly Joe is being released from the hospital in a few hours. It has been one big roller coaster ride of emotions these last four days. Curly Joe was in such bad shape that we almost euthanized him. I called them to let them know we were on our way, and the tech put me on the line with the doctor. She said another specialist had taken a look at him and offered (at no charge to me) to take radiographs to see about the blood that was collecting in his chest cavity. "He doesn't see a dog who is ready to die," is what she told me. So I gave them the OK to do a chest tap and autotransfusion. The short of it is, after an unsuccessful surgery, a blood transfusion, a plasma transfusion and an autotransfusion (draining the blood from his chest cavity and putting it back into his system via an I.V.), Curly Joe is alive and (mostly) well and ready to come home.

We all knew he was special. Now I've seen firsthand just how strong he is, and I will never give up on him so easily again. Yes, the doctor was unable to repair his shunt. Yes, he developed serious complications post-op. But the doctor said if we can just get him past this, we can maintain him on special food and medications until we can find someone who can fix his specific problem.

So that is what we are doing.

Thank you to all of you who have supported me and Curly during this difficult time. It was really, really close for a while there. I'm anxious to get him back home where I am sure he will continue to improve. Tank will be so happy to see him again, as much as he hates to admit it.

Reg is our coach.

2008-09-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

The good, the bad, the Curly.

2008-09-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

The good: I GOT THE JOB. My schedule is Monday - Friday (some Saturdays) from 9:30 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. Yeah. It's going to take some time to figure out sleeping, working out/running and working, but I'll manage. Now I can afford to get fitted for good running shoes, and I won't be in pain anymore.

The bad: I still haven't been working out.

The Curly: I had Curly Joe in for his post-surgery bile acid test yesterday. This afternoon, we dropped him off at the NW Vet Specialists. They'll call me tomorrow before he goes into surgery and again when he's out of surgery and in recovery. It was hard dropping him off. He was having such a great time being around all the other dogs in the lobby, but when we said goodbye and the tech took him in back, he didn't want to go. He looked back at me like, "Why aren't you coming with me?" and it KILLED me. I cried when we left. I'm a nervous wreck already and they haven't even started operating yet. I shouldn't feel bad, I know. Despite the risks, he had to have this surgery or he would have died.

When they called to offer me the job, they said I could either start September 29th or October 6th. I picked October since it would give me about two weeks to look after Curly while he recovers from surgery. He's going to need careful monitoring to make sure there isn't any fluid collecting in his abdomen again.

-:- Happy thoughts for Curly. Positive, happy thoughts. -:-

A voice from the end of a leaf.

2008-09-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

Hey. Whaddya know? I’m alive. I haven’t run in I don’t even want to know how long, but I haven’t given up. I’m still a runner, I just haven’t had time to hit the track for a while. A lot has been going on, some of it (a very tiny amount) good.

Tank and Curly Joe have finally settled into a nice friendship, though I’ll be damned if I can figure out which one is dominant over the other. Seems like they take turns. Curly has gotten a little bit bigger, though he has lost a couple of pounds recently. As you know, I had lab work done on him and his liver values came back funky. My vet suggested I take him for an ultrasound, so I took him to VDIC last week. Turns out Curly Joe has a problem with his liver shunt. Intrahepatic are harder to fix, and that is what he has. I took him to see a soft tissue specialist at the Northwest Veterinary Specialists this past Friday and we had an incredibly long talk about Curly Joe and how we can go about fixing his liver. All this time, we thought he had seizures and brain damage from being poisoned when he was three months old, but it turns out those are all symptoms of shunt problems. Quiet demeanor, head pressing, staring off into space. Those are all signs and symptoms. It even stunted his growth; he’ll never grow to full size because of this.

This will eventually kill him, so there is no choice but to operate. I will be setting that up sometime this week. For now, I’ve got him on special food (low protein) for his liver. He loves it, though he has been having diarrhea for the past couple of days (another symptom). Aside from a bad patch a week or so ago, Curly has been doing really well. He’s got such an amazing spirit, nothing gets him down. He reminds me of Luke so much. A couple of weeks ago, we were walking down the kitchen stairs when Curly spotted a cotton ball. He dove off the stairs and landed head-first on it. He’s a crazy puppy. (Holy crap is it raining right now.)

So that’s what’s going on with the puppy.

Now for the good news: I’ve got a lead on a job. My friend, R, told me about a position opening up at her work and said she would pass my resume on to her manager. I got a call from said manager a couple of days ago and have an interview with her tomorrow afternoon. The only downside to this job is that it’s in NE Portland and it’s the night shift. Stephen King night shift, yo. But I don’t really care about that. Traffic won’t suck at those hours, plus I’d get a $1.50 shift differential. I would also get benefits (medical, dental, life insurance, 401k, free lab work for my pets, etc.). So right now the pros are outweighing the cons. The biggest pro being MONEY. Steady paycheck. Paying off bills. Getting out of debt. All good things. I really hope I get the job. It’s going to do wonders for my crazy brain. I need routine and stability and working very, very part time (from home) for a transcription company wasn’t good for me at all. It was and it wasn’t. I would still do it part time as needed, but I can’t live on eight cents a line.

Exciting! My sister even bought me a little bento lunchbox (just in case). Aw.

Hawkeytown
Originally uploaded by orclimber

Finally, and this made me so incredibly happy, I dragged my sister to the Winter Hawks’ season opener last night at the Memorial Coliseum. Cheap seats were six bucks; how could we not go? I got the tickets yesterday morning and spent a few minutes going over the seating chart with the guy at Fred Meyer. (They sell Ticketmaster stuff in the electronics section.) At first he offered me some seats right behind the goal, but I passed because then that big damn net would get in the way. I aimed for seats to the left of center, in the nosebleeds. If you look at the picture up there, all the way up at the top left, that’s basically where we were sitting except at the opposite end of the rink. Pretty good seats (as I mentioned in the voice post).

The whole place is so much smaller than the Ice Palace; even from where we were sitting, we got a great view of the entire game. It wasn’t even close to being full capacity, so when I sat down and a pole was blocking the goal, I moved a couple of seats down. No biggie. Sis was a little concerned about the Hawks’ mascot, Tom-A-Hawk. He was wandering around below us, and she was convinced he was going to come over and she would have to push him over the railing. I told her he wouldn’t leave the main floor, but a few minutes later, he walked up the stairs and started mingling in the nosebleeds. At that point, Sis jumped out of her seat and moved to the other side of me. ”If he comes this way, you deal with him.” Lucky for me, he stayed away, but she and I argued for a while over whether or not he was a chicken or a hawk.

The game itself was fun. Nothing exciting, but I’m a bit spoiled. I’ve seen the bulk of my hockey games during the Cup playoffs, so I’m used to a completely different type of play. There were a couple of scuffles each period. Nothing major, but one or two ended with a guy from each team spending two minutes in the box. The Hawks beat the Chiefs (ooooownnzuh!) for shots on goal, yet they didn’t get a single goal.

Midway through the game, the Jumbotron (or, as I like to call it, the Minitron) fritzed out and then went dark. Oh, and there was the blimp that flew around and dropped paper (coupons?) on people. The one at the Ice Palace doesn’t go very far, but this one went allllll over the place. At one point it was floating in the air, pointed directly at us. Felt like Close Encounters. And then there were the two guys in the Hanson/Chiefs jerseys. So awesome.

The Chiefs won 3-0 (the third goal was scored during a five-on-three power play) and with 3:12 left in the third period, one of the Chiefs hit a Hawk. The Hawk took exception to this and shoved the Chief. The Chief shoved back. The Hawk hauled off and popped him right in the face. Then there were helmets and gloves all over the ice and the crowd was roaring. It was beautiful. It went on for quite a while. Not a bench-clearing brawl, but there were three fights going on at once. The goalies stayed out of it. At one point I looked at my sister and she said, ”Ok. Fights ARE fun!” They put two guys from each team in the penalty box (one of them practically had to be dragged) and then the captains spent a few minutes talking to the ref. Eventually, three guys from each team were led off the ice, and there was much cheering. I tell ya, when those players walked by without their helmets, I was struck by how young they are. BABIES! The lot of them! The oldest on both teams was 20 and the youngest was 16. Oy.

Anyway, the rest of the game played out and everybody went home.

All in all, a very good night. Even though “my” team lost, I still really enjoyed my first WHL game. There’s a person in this internet hockey community that mentioned enjoying the high school and beer league games more than the Hawk games, so I’m hoping to find out when and where those local beer leaguers are. So I can go to the games. She called them old-timers. I hope that means there’ll be lots of fights.

The Hawks play the Vancouver Giants next Saturday. I reeeally want to go.

So that’s what I’ve been up to. Hope you are all doing well. If I get this job, the first thing I’m doing (after paying off some bills, of course) is going to get my feet evaluated for good running shoes. I miss running. A lot.

Almost.

2008-08-20T17:28:00.001-07:00

I've been back from Colorado for a week now, and I have yet to work out or run. I guess I underestimated how much a puppy would change my life. I assumed Tank would jump right in and be a big brother, thereby taking a lot of pressure off of me to keep the little squint amused, but nooooo.

Just kidding. I know it'll take a while for Tank to get used to having another dog around, especially after all this time alone, and especially after spending these last few years with elderly dogs who weren't in the best shape for rough housing. In the meantime, Curly Joe is terrorizing the cats. I don't think he's figured it out yet that they're cats and not actually puppies like himself. All it'll take is one or two smackchops and he'll learn his lesson, but so far none of the cats have gotten to that point.

I took Joe to the vet yesterday for lab work. I was worried about his kidneys because he seems to drink and pee a lot more than the average dog. Turns out his kidneys are fine. It's his liver that's messed up.

Now, I adopted this dog because he had health issues from being poisoned when he was three months old. He's been doing so well, I guess I fooled myself into thinking all of his issues had resolved themselves. No such luck. The vet thinks it could be one of three things:

Toxins from being poisoned.
Hepatitis infection.
Some sort of shunt problem.

She recommends that we do a clotting profile, and also take him in for an ultrasound/biopsy. I'm going to find out how much both of those will cost me and then do some planning. Right now, Joe appears to be in good health. He doesn't have heart worm and everything else came back normal. I need to call around and find a good puppy class to enroll him in. He's a smart little bugger. I already taught him how to sit, and he's pretty well potty trained. He hasn't figured out that if he has to pee, he should go to the front door, but when I take him outside, he does his business and waits for me to give him a treat. He's been really good about chewing, too. Sometimes he'll try to eat a catnip toy or a sock, but he hasn't eaten any wires or furniture or anything, preferring to chew on some of Tank and Luke's old Nylabones. He hasn't figured out "come" and "stay" yet, but that's fine. That's what classes are for.

As for running, I'm going to start on the elliptical and do strength training the rest of this week and hopefully get back on the track next week. I still need new shoes, but I've got the Yoga for Every Body DVD from the library, and it looks pretty doable. I think it will help. Also, my sister is looking at used pilates machines, so I can start doing that as well.

I just have to keep sending out the old resume because everything is pretty much at a standstill until I get some money in the bank.

I'm scared that I won't be able to do Week 2 at all next week. Must keep positive about running and Curly Joe. I do, however, hope something nasty happens to the sick fuck who poisoned this puppy. He more than deserves it.

Riding the storm out.

2008-08-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's not so much a storm as it is a massive heat wave. We've got a Red Flag Warning going on over here, which basically means you can burst into flames if you're out in the sun too long. Just kidding. But not really.

I got up extra early this morning so I could walk the dogs before it got too hot. It was 80° at 7:30. Oyyyy. Now I'm at my mom's house. I had to get Freddie's thyroid meds. I'm cooling it for a few minutes before I head out again. A few weeks ago, my sister got one of those water coolers for the front hall; I'm going to swing by New Seasons and get a refill. We're going to be drinking a LOT of water this week.

Things should start cooling off by Sunday, which is good because there's no way in hot holy hell I'm going to attempt any sort of exercise in this heat. Call me a wimp, but it ain't gonna happen.

Colorado was a blast. LS&C are wonderful kids, and I really enjoyed meeting them. Curly Joe is quite a little spitfire. He’s coming along pretty well with the house training, and maybe a couple of years from now he’ll get over the excitement every time a cat walks past him.

He’s a good pup, full of spirit and curiosity. He's not old enough for the training yet (they have to be a year old), but I'm going to try and get Curly Joe certified as a therapy dog. When we're out walking, people flock to him. I shit you not. He has a gentle way with people, it's like he was born to be a therapy dog. I really want to do this so I can take him into nursing homes to visit with the elderly. I love old folks, and I miss my Gram. It would make her happy to know I was trying to help some old timers feel a little less lonely.

Tank doesn’t really know what to make of him yet, but sometime soon, he’s going to kick Curly’s ass, and Curly is going to LOVE. IT. Now that I’ve gotten a good look at him, I’m positive Curly Joe is a Corgi/JRT mix. Probably some German Shepherd, too. He’s got a Corgi face, Terrier legs and the GSD Stink Eye:

That right there is the exact same look Luke used to give me right before he had a meltdown. The message conveyed went a little something like this: "I love you and I don’t want to do this, but in a few seconds I’m going to go postal.”

It was one of the many reasons why I loved that dog so much. He was a ton of love stuffed into 95 pounds of scary.

Here is Curly Joe trying to help Tank overcome his carsickness.

Here is yours truly enjoying a (totally vegan) VG Dog from VG Burgers in Boulder, Colorado. It had the works: sauerkraut, onions, relish and mustard. I asked for no ketchup (because ketchup on hot dogs is blasphemy) and got some “cheese” on it instead. Sooooooooooo goooooooooooood.

The bad news is, VG Burgers is the only vegan restaurant in the entire state of Colorado. The good news is, the owner told me they are going to be opening up a couple of stores in the Pacific Northwest. It’s an expensive meal, but I’ll shell out the dough to walk into a joint and enjoy a vegan hot dog and milk shake. Oh, yes. I totally will.

Anyway, Colorado was a blast. Took lots of pictures, but I haven’t finished updating my travel journal yet. I ~~am lazy~~ have ADD.

Look for more running blogs next week, when the temperature goes back to normal. Sheesh.

The road so far.

2008-08-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I haven’t run at all this week. Too frazzled, too busy, too overwhelmed. Too full of excuses. I’ll be back next week, though. I promise.

Sis and I are leaving for Colorado tomorrow, so I decided to create a separate travel journal so I don’t clog this thing up with non-running blather. Check it out. We’ll have my sister’s laptop, so I’ll probably be updating pretty frequently. There’s a link in the sidebar if you want to keep checking back.

I finished Hockey in Portland the other day (you know, when I was busy not running) and was delighted to read that Mark Messier’s father, Doug, used to play for the Portland Buckaroos. Know who else used to play for them? The oldest rookie in the NHL: Connie Madigan. Some of us know him from Slap Shot. He played Ross “Mad Dog” Madison of the Syracuse Bulldogs.

In other news, it was 11 years ago today that I was reunited with (most of) my birth family. My sister and I drove up to our uncle's house in Michigan and met (for the second time, I guess you could say) our birth mother, grandparents, and our uncle and his wife and two little boys. Here is a picture from that day: me, my birth grandfather, my birth mother and my twin sister:

I’m just barely five foot one, and I had to lean over to hug her (and my grandmother). Crazy! Also crazy: we have the exact same handwriting, and she used to be a vet tech, just like me. We met the rest of the family (our aunts and all the cousins) in Florida the summer of 2000.

Ok, here’s me signing off. I’ve still got a lot to do. By this time Saturday, I’ll have a puppy! (Here’s a picture his foster mom sent me yesterday):

Week 3, Day 24

2008-08-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

I'm so lame, I don't even feel like updating. I ran today. At least there's that. I got up early and took my mom and sister to this street festival and we (hopefully) got into the Guinness Book of World Records for largest group of people playing the kazoo. There were somewhere around 5,300 of us there, all kazooing "Do Re Me." Got to see Portland Taiko, too.

Afterwards, I dropped my sister off at her house and then went to get a hummus wrap at the pub. I went home and bummed around for a couple of hours, did some laundry, pulled some weeds, took some photographs, then finally decided to head down to the track.

I'm still having calf pain, and I have to admit, I'm feeling really discouraged these days. I even did some pre-run yoga poses before I left, but I don’t think they did much to help.

Anyway, it was 68°F and breezy, so I was really comfortable out there. Recovery was good, but my calves are still so stiff after the runs. I'm just really fed up and frustrated.

The tentative good news is, there may be a job opening at my friend's work. Hopefully she can put in a good word for me and I can finally land myself a job. If so, I'm going to the Portland Running Co. for a GOOD pair of running shoes. Custom-fit.

Sis and I are leaving for Colorado this Friday; at least I'll be able to get in two (what I assume will be hellish) runs before we go. We get back Monday night. I plan on running the following Tuesday, but I guess it all depends on how well Curly Joe is settling in.

Reg, my "new" camera is still working nicely. I took it along on one of our walks the other day. Here's Tank tracking something in the neighbor's pasture.

Tired and hungry. See you Tuesday. (It's supposed to be 94° that day, so if I don't run in the morning, it's gym time).

Week 3, Day 23

2008-07-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hey, tonight
Gonna be tonight
Don’t you know I’m flyin’
Tonight, tonight

Better late than never.

I overslept this morning; a sure sign that I’d gotten my period. Fed the animals, washed down a wildberry waffle with a glass of soymilk and headed up to my mom’s. Dropped her off at her Thursday Thing, came back here and decided it was too hot to run. I waited and waited and waited and finally at around 7:00, it dipped down to 75°F and I decided it was time to hit the track.

This probably would have been my best Week 3 run so far, if it weren’t for my goddamn calf muscles. They’re still killing me. Maybe I need new shoes? Too bad. That’ll have to wait.

So ... that’s pretty much all I have to say about ~~today’s~~ tonight’s run. I’m in a bad mood and don’t feel like writing much. I will say this, though: Since I started the Couch-to-5k program nearly one year ago, I have gone 71 miles. I won’t say I’ve run 71 miles because not all of it was running, but it is still a huge accomplishment. That’s a lot of movement for a fat chick with arthritis.

I forget if I’ve mentioned it and I’m too lazy to go back and check, but my sister and I are leaving for Colorado a week from tomorrow. I have half a mind to buy this album to listen to on the drive because it is some of the weirdest, funniest shit I’ve heard in a long time. The Mustard Battle, Dear Uncle and The Swimming Pool are three of my favorites. I’m no somniloquist, but I did once walk into my parents' room in a dead sleep and try to sell them Girl Scout cookies. My mom said I was quite insistent and became very angry when she said she didn’t want any.

I’ll see you on Saturday. I’ll probably have a late run then, too, because I’m taking my mom to a street fair in the morning. We (and about 5,000 others) are going to try and get in the Guinness Book for the most number of people playing the kazoo.

Week 3, Day 22

2008-07-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

This ain’t the garden of eden
There ain’t no angels above
And things ain’t like what they used to be
And this ain’t the summer of love

Good day, and welcome to Day 22. Took Mom swimming this morning. Scarfed down a Clif protein bar on the way to the pool. After swimming, I ran some errands, came home, had a big spinach salad with peppers, radishes and Bragg’s, waited about 20 minutes and then headed down to the track.

There was a gaggle of pre-teens loafing around the fence where I stretch, each of them decked out in a black hoodie (hoods engaged). They left after I’d done my warm up, so ... yay. The weather was good for running: 61°F, overcast and a little windy. As much as people complain about all the rain in the Pacific Northwest, it’s nice to get a break from the summer heat every once in a while. It was pouring while I was swimming, but perfectly dry while I ran.

As for the run, it went pretty well. The second half was murder on my calves again, but at least my lungs are holding out. I didn’t have time to workout yesterday because I had an eye appointment. The good news is, my left eye hasn’t gotten any worse. The better news is, my right eye actually got better. Are you ready for this?

My right eye is -5.50
My left eye is -4.25

I had made an appointment for my sister as well, and she went ahead of me. When it was my turn in the chair and the doctor started the exam, she said, “You’re the twin with the bad eyes.” I laughed and said something about my reputation preceding me, and she told me that my sister had been her best patient all day: her prescription hasn’t changed at all.

Bitch.

You know how they make you stand on the line and put the black thing over your eye and read the eye chart? When I took my glasses off, the tech asked me which line I could read the clearest and I said, ”It’s all a blur. I know the top one is an E, but it’s always an E so that doesn’t count.” She laughed. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Other than being completely blind, by eyes are totally healthy. I attribute that to my not wearing contact lenses in three years and also from not wearing my glasses 100% of the time. I take them off to exercise/run/swim.

I got a year’s supply of disposable contact lenses. I rarely wear them, but it’s nice to have them just the same. Because my right eye changed, I decided to get new lenses for my old frames. Except when they took them from me, they said they were so worn out that I’d have to sign a waiver. If the glasses broke during the “re-lensing,” I would have to come back in and get another pair. So I picked out a new pair and kept my old ones as a spare. Which kills me because I love my glasses. The new frames suck, but they were the closest I could get to my old ones.

Anyway, the point is, while I swam and ran, I had my contacts in and was amazed at how well I could see.

Not much else has been going on. Oh, except that I’m out of my fucking mind and had no idea what week it was. I thought we were going to Colorado this week, but it’s next week. I’ve had my dates all screwed up, which makes me think I really should call someone about getting this ADD diagnosed.

Sunday my sister and I went to cheer on our friend Rene, who is on a gay softball team. They did a double header, but we only caught the second one, which they won. This Sunday we’re meeting up with Rene again, this time for Sister Bingo. It's the first Sunday of every month. July was 50’s Bingo, which is the one I was really looking forward to. That and Pajama Bingo. August is Beach Bingo, and I won’t be wearing a bathing suit.

I've been walking Tank a lot lately; about two miles every evening. The other night we walked pretty late. It was mostly dark, so I didn't know there was a skunk in the ditch until Tank ran at it. Thankfully, he didn't get sprayed, though it wouldn't have mattered to me if he did. I can't smell a damn thing. Not even skunk.

I have a massive headache and I still have to shower and go to the vet to pick up some fluids for Spooky.

See you Thursday.

Delay of game. Two minutes.

2008-07-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

From morning to night I stayed out of sight
Didn’t recognize I’d become
No more than alive, I’d barely survive
In a word...overrun

Hi. I haven’t run since Tuesday. I’m not sick or hurt, I just haven’t had the time. My sister and I took our mom swimming on Thursday (and saw a bald eagle on the way to the pool) and that’s the last time I had any peace. Nothing bad; I’ve just been really busy and kind of stressed. I had time to go to the library today, where I killed an hour waiting for my film to be developed. I’m happy to report that Reg (my “new” Nikkormat FTn) works perfectly. Here are some shots from the test roll (Fujifilm, ISO 100):

Ocho on the prowl

My sister (grubbygirl)

Very, very sad Tank

Needless to say, I’m incredibly happy with the results. The mercury battery it came with still has a bit of life left in it, so I can hold off on buying a(n expensive) replacement. When I picked up the film, I bought a cheap pack of b&w film (ISO 400). My sister and I are leaving for Colorado next week (and this time we may actually get there), so I’ll need to stock up on some color film as well. I just can't even tell you how happy I am with the Nikkormat. I've missed analog photography so much. I feel like I was just reunited with a long lost friend.

Tank is still depressed and lonely, despite the fact that Sis and I walk him at least two miles every evening. I don’t know what else to do for him other than get him a dog, and a week from Monday, I’ll have done just that.

Anyway, I had that hour to kill before my film was ready (someday I’ll have my own darkroom), so I went to the library. I had a couple of things on hold, but I strolled around for a while and snagged a couple other items, too:

The Division Bell - Pink Floyd (I lost my copy in the move)
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
The Twilight Zone Radio Dramas (10 whole CDs!!!! That’s eight hours of radio drama, bitches. One of Sis's friends recommended this to me, and I jumped all over it once I found out they had it at the library.)
Who’s On First? - Abbott and Costello (How could I not already have this?)

I also checked out The Last Unicorn, by PeterS. Beagle and The Station Agent. Sis hasn’t seen it yet, and we both love Peter Dinklage. We watched Penelope last night and he was great in it. (If you haven’t seen him in Death at a Funeral, go rent it.)

The movie itself was cute, but the “guess which instrument I play” scene was horrendous.

In closing, I’ve got Nikkormat photos up at my Flickr and will definitely see you on Tuesday with a regular run entry.

Week 3, Day 21

2008-07-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

No time left for you
On my way to better things
No time left for you
I found myself some wings
No time left for you
Distant roads are calling me

Ah, what a beautiful day for a run: 69°F, cloudy, nice wind coming in from the West. I had high hopes for this run.

All in all, it went pretty well. I was a bit rushed this morning, so I only had time to scarf down half a granola bar before I took my mom swimming. We went to eat at a little cafe in town (coupon, of course) afterwards. I had a hummus sandwich with tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber and a side of potato chips. Except what I actually got was soggy bread with a smidge of hummus smeared on it, a big piece of lettuce and a tomato sliced almost as thick as the bread. No cukes. No chips. Their water cooler ran out of water before I could get any, and by the time they got around to putting in a new jug, I was done with my meal.

Yeah. I won’t be going back.

Anyway, after lunch I took Mom to run some errands, then came back home, threw on my running gear and went to the track. The running/recovery was fine, but my calves were hurting again. Fellow runner, Christie, recommended a video called Yoga for Every Body, so I put in a request for it at the library. I probably won’t get it for another week or two, so in the meantime I’m trying to stretch longer than I usually do after I work out.

I definitely feel stronger now that I’ve gotten back into working out six days a week, but I’m still eating like shit. Blehhhh. At least I’m sleeping normally again. I went to McMenamins to see The Happening with my friend Rene the other night; I’m always amazed at how good I feel after I’ve spent time with her. It makes me realize how much of my life I spend alone. I sometimes go half a day without speaking. Anyway, movies there are only three bucks and you can curl up on a couch or a rocking chair right there in the theater. We usually end up sitting in this little room near the lobby and talking for an hour or so after the movie ends. There’s a fireplace in there and in the winter there’s always a fire going. Very cozy. Sunday night, we went to the bar downstairs. They’ve got four pool tables and a pinball machine down there; two of my favorite things. I’d like to just go shoot some pool sometime. Ah, if only I had friends.

We were sitting there, talking to the bartender about passports (I need to get mine ASAP) and how apparently they’re going to deny Americans crossing over into Vancouver and Whistler during the 2010 Olympics (dammit, I was going to go to those, too) when an old man came in and ordered an absinthe. The U.S. relaxed the ban on it last year, and I’ve always been curious as to how it tastes. It was cool watching the bartender prepare it, but the old guy started talking snooty about being an absinth expert, so we left.

This week I definitely need to get in for an eye appointment.

I had a really awesome dream the other night. It was pretty much the best dream ever. It involved photography and hockey. Wait, it gets better. You see, I was on a hockey team. Not only that, but my friend Indi was one of my teammates. Not only that, but we were skating around the rink during warm up with our bags on our shoulders. Because we had our cameras with us and refused to part with them, even during a game. At one point during the dream, I got boarded, fell to the ice and whipped out my Nikkormat to take a picture of the guy who hit me as he skated away into the neutral zone. Why did I have to wake up? (No penalty was called, by the way.)

Stupid goddamn alarm clock.

See you Thursday.

Week 3, Day 20

2008-07-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

All that rain outside my window, it goes on and on, I know
It’s getting better every day
Soon the sun will shine outside my window, when it’s gonna come
No, I really I couldn’t say
It’s getting better every day

Started the morning off with a glass of açai/strawberry juice mixed with a little aloe vera juice. Once I got all the animals fed, I scarfed down two gluten-free wild berry waffles. I was in a good mood because it was nice and cool out, in the low 60s. By the time I got out to the track, it was around 69°F. It felt warmer, but there was a nice, cool breeze blowing the entire time, so I wasn’t too warm.

Today’s run was great. Except for my calves. I had lots of pain in my lateral calves going into the second half of the run. I pushed through it and felt okay towards the end, but damn. It was painful. I should probably start thinking about getting a new pair of running shoes. Though I only wear mine three times a week for a half hour or less, I have had them for almost a year now. This time around, I want to go to Roadrunner Sports and get fitted for the right shoe. Hopefully they’ll let me buy a mixed pair, since my feet are two different sizes. Their shoes are really expensive, so I won’t be able to buy two pair. I might have to go back to Nordstroms.

Anyway, when I was walking back to my car, I noticed there was something spray painted on the back of the church. I didn’t have my glasses on, so I had to get up real close in order to make it out.

It was a giant penis.

Somebody painted a penis on a church. It was then that I realized the church parking lot was completely empty. Normally, the townsfolk have church service practically all day long, but today my car was the only one there. I retrieved my glasses out of the car and saw that they’d tagged the entire east wall and windows as well. (One of the windows was busted out and had a garbage bag taped over it.) The graffiti said things like “fuck peace,” and the anarchy symbol and “love is a crime, hate is a power.” Oddly enough, they’d also painted hearts all over the place.

I’m not religious, but that’s fucked up and wrong. I hope they catch the bastards. It’s weird because this is a really small, religious town. The morons even tagged some of the speed limit signs on the road up to my house.

I don’t necessarily hate graffiti. Some of it is really beautiful and not at all offensive:

This one is my particular favorite. It’s in Tampa, Florida, the pier at Ballast Point Park. My friend Julie (and her dog, Riley) took me there one night to show me this particular bit of graffiti:

Love it.

Have a good weekend. I’ll see you on Tuesday.

Week 3, Day 19

2008-07-17T11:02:00.001-07:00

The bad in the world is hard to hear when in your ear a banana cheers.

Hey! I’m alive!

I didn’t get here in time to take my mom swimming, but I was determined to run before it got too warm. Weatherbug says it’s 65°F, but I call shenanigans. It felt like 75 out there. There was a breeze, though, and it wasn’t so warm yet that it felt like I was running around a volcano.

This run was by far the best I’ve had in a while. I definitely think the key (for my lungs) is to run really early or really late because I could actually breathe this time around. It got a little hard toward the end of my last three minute run, but it was regular “I’m fat and I’m running” gasping, rather than the “I’m fat and I have asthma” death gasping.

So, I’m pleased with myself. To be honest, I was actually scared to try and run again after that horrendous asthma attack last week, so I’m glad I (for once) didn’t let the fear stop me. As hard as it’s been, I’m just plain not happy if I don’t run. It’s the one thing in my life I have to look forward to, even though I hate it most of the time. This morning, I felt bored and miserable and didn’t feel like running, but I know that if I don’t drag my ass to the track, nobody else will. I don’t have any running friends (in real life). It’s just me out there. I’m sort of torn between caring for two people in my life right now, and I’ve been neglecting my needs a bit. My motivation for running lately hasn’t been health or weight loss. It’s just been something nice to do, for me alone. It’s a half hour I get to myself with nothing and no one bothering me.

I’m so glad my sister told me about the Couch-to-5k program. It’s been almost a year now that I started it, and I’m still only one Week 3, but that’s ok. I found something I love, and it has helped me immensely, mentally and physically. I can’t even imagine how good I’ll feel once I complete the program. Whenever that may be. I’m not in a hurry. I’ll get there at my own pace.

In hockey news, my friend Julie told me yesterday that the Bolts home opener is October 11th. Will I be able to fly out to Florida and catch the game with her? I hope so. My mom (a snowbird) has been talking about retreating to her condo in November, so I may just fly out with her at that time and catch some games then. They’re playing the Red Wings on November 13th. Gary Roberts and Ryan Malone are playing for Tampa now. The last time the Wings saw those two, they were in Pittsburgh, playing for the Cup.

Now, here’s the thing. Geographically, my nearest hockey team is the Canucks. It’s almost a six hour drive from here to Vancouver, but my sister has promised to go to a game with me. The Canucks’s’s season opener is October 9th, and they play the Calgary Flames. However, they play the Red Wings on November 2nd. If I can’t fly to Florida, I just might have to force my sister to drive up to Canada with me in November. We’d probably need to get passports though, eh? And it’s only 12 more hours to drive over and see my friend in Edmonton. Or ... not.

I’m just really pissed off that I can’t be in Chicago on New Years day. Two of the Original Six playing at Wrigley Field?! Very auspicious. 2009 is going to rock. Thankfully, the game will be televized. (I intend to have a subscription to Center Ice by then. 40 games a week!??! Yes, please.) We (Chicago) are usually on our first or second blizzard by the beginning of the year, so I’m sure there’ll be plenty of ice for the boys to play on.

I slammed a glass of O.J. mixed with aloe vera juice before I ran, so now I’m going to take my strawberry/banana/blueberry/flax seed/soy milk smoothie and The Boys of Winter out onto the front porch. After that, I’ll do aerobic and my lower body workout and think about what to have for lunch. For some reason, I really want to make corn chowder.

See you Saturday.

Week 3, Day 18

2008-07-15T13:26:00.000-07:00

I’m still staying with my sister, so I got up extra early this morning so I could head home and pick my mom up for swimming. For all our hurrying, we got there a half hour early because someone printed the wrong time for the arthritis class. So we sat in the lobby and read gossip magazines for 20 minutes.

Happily, the little pool (where the arthritis water aerobics class is held) wasn’t unbearably warm today. Mom was freezing, I was quite comfortable. After the class was finished, we sat in the hot tub and I pedaled my legs under the (unbearably hot) water. By this time, I was pretty hungry (I inhaled a granola bar for breakfast), so we cut the hot tub short, got dressed and left. When we got home, I slathered on the sunscreen and then sat down to eat some Rainier ~~cherries~~ cheeries. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I am addicted to these things. I wait all year for them to come into season and then gorge myself on them. Well, I would if they weren’t so expensive. Lucky for me, the little girl who lives down the hill was selling them the other day. One pound for a dollar, as opposed to $4.99 a pound at the Safeway. I bought two pounds. How could I not? She had signs up saying “YUM! YUM! CHEERIES!” “CHEERIES 1 lb FOR $1!”

Cheeries. I’m not a sap, but that was damn cute. I could eat nothing but Rainier cherries all summer long and die happy. Oh, and my sister’s neighbor has a Rainier cherry tree in his yard. Last year I stood under that tree and ate those delicious little things for 20 minutes straight. And then went back and did it again the next day.

Anyway, cherries consumed, I headed down to the track.

I sweated my ass off the whole drive down, so I was a little nervous about how I would fare on the blacktop. Turns out I did pretty well for the first half (run 90 seconds/walk 90 seconds, run 3 minutes/walk 3 minutes). My calves held out pretty well, too, and I wasn’t out of breathe. Then the second 90 second interval showed up and I did okay there, too. The last three minute run was doable. I finished, but it wasn’t pretty.

Turns out it’s 92° out there. If I had bothered to check that little bit of information before I left the house, I would have held off my run until this evening. As it is, once I got out there, I refused to leave until I was finished. The pigfucker weatherman on the news last night was all, “Ohhh, don’t worry about it! It’ll be in the upper 70’s for the next few days!”

WRONG.

At any rate, from now on (in the summer, at least), if I can’t run in the morning, I’m going to hold off until evening. It just seems like the heat sucks the air out of my lungs. Not a good feeling.

Speaking of bad eyesight (like how I pulled that segue out of my ass?), I’m going in for an eye exam on Friday. Hopefully. I should probably call and make the appointment first. I’ll have to have my sister drive me. Why? Because I love my glasses and don’t want to get different frames; I’ll have to leave them behind so the eyeglass people can put new lenses in them. Because my eyes are so bad, they usually don’t have my contact lens prescription in-house. If I have to wait for the contacts as well, I’ll be blind for several days and therefore won’t be able to drive myself home. I won’t even be able to find the front door. Or my sister. When it comes time to read the eye chart, I have to walk all the way up to it in order to read the big giant E. Yeah, my lenses just keep getting thicker and thicker. Eventually, the doctor said, ”Why don’t we start giving you plastic lenses? Glass might be a little too heavy for you at this point.”

In hockey news, Dallas Drake retired. Sad, but at least he went out on a high note, eh? And is it hockey season yet?! They’re releasing the 2008-2009 schedule on Thursday, so there’s that to look forward to. Not that it means anything to me, living out here in sad, lonely, hockeyless Oregon. Speaking of which, I got this book from the library the other day: Hockey in Portland, by Jim Mancuso and Scott Petterson. It’s mostly images, which is kind of disappointing, but still interesting. Portland was the first city in the U.S. to have a pro hockey team. Did you know that? Neither did I. They were also the first U.S. team to compete for the Stanley Cup. Not bad for a bunch of people who can’t drive. So what I’m wondering is, why the fuck don’t we STILL HAVE A PRO HOCKEY TEAM? I’m not taking this lying down. Must find ~~evil plan~~ way to get Portland into the NHL.

In happy news, I got a new camera! Except it's not new (seven years older than me) and I don't actually have it yet. For the past week, I've had recurring dreams in which I'm shooting all sorts of amazing photographs with a Nikkormat. I was introduced (by my friend Julie, who also got me addicted to hockey) to the Nikkormat FTn when I was in Florida earlier this year, and I fell in love. Depth of field lever. Shutter speeds visible in the finder. Sturdy enough to be used as a weapon. <3 <3 <3 So the other day I finally snapped. I saw one up for bid on eBay and went for it. I snagged it for $63 (shipping included), which is a lot for me but still a steal. Now all I have to do is get a replacement for the now extinct mercury battery that used to fuel the Nik's light meter. Hopefully the camera will arrive in the next week or two. Digital is convenient, but it's sucking the soul out of old-time photography.

See you Thursday. Don’t forget to watch Wipeout tonight. I fucking love that show. Somebody got horked on last week. Heehee. Ninja Warrior for the U.S. Finally.

Big Balls.

Week 3, Day 17

2008-07-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife.
Doomed is your soul and damned is your life.

Today was a first for me. First time I couldn’t finish a run. I’m trying not to be disappointed in myself, especially since it was either stop running or stop breathing.

Got a late start today; lots of errands to run. Picked Meathead’s remains up from Dignified Pets and then went to REI where I bought me, my mom and my sister each a BPA-free water bottle.

Got out to the track (new water bottles in hand) at around 4:30 p.m. It was warm, but there was a good, strong wind blowing. I was okay for the first half of the run, but during the second 90 second run, I started struggling to breathe. I took a hit of albuterol during the 90 second walk, but two minutes into my (last) three minute run, I had to stop. I just couldn’t get enough air and I was panting like ~~Chicken Lips~~...something that pants a lot.

I walked until my sister was done running, then we stretched and came back here. Sis thinks it might be the smoke from the California wildfires that’s fucking up my lungs. She might have something there, since I can’t think of a good reason why it’s been so hard for me to breathe lately.

It’s going to be pretty warm on Saturday, so I think I’m going to bite the bullet and run at the gym. It might be easier on my lungs?

Mehhh. Disappointed.

Speaking of which, that Hemp Shake stuff tasted like spiced asshole. I had such high hopes, too. I think if I’d added it to a smoothie it would have been good, but I was at my sister’s house without a blender or smoothie stuff, so I just mixed it in some soy milk. It was all clumpy and gritty and tasted awful, so I dumped it. I’ll give it a second chance sometime.

More fantastic news: last night my sister’s friends told us that they had to take Curly Joe back to the vet because he was having some swelling issues. Turns out he had an incisional hernia. I assisted quite a few hernia operations in my day as a vet tech. Hell, I was born with two inguinal hernias. So I knew it was no big deal, but I was still freaked out. Seems like our animals can’t catch a break these days. I’m happy to report that he’s doing fine today. Here’s a picture of him from a couple of days ago. I can't wait to snuggle the hell out of this dog:

Also, my sweet peas are blooming! Ovechkin the chipmunk ate two of the petals, but I consider that deadheading, so thanks for that! (Fecking chipmunk is the bane of my existence.)

Time to make my sister watch The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension. See you Saturday, Bigboote.

Week 3, Day 16

2008-07-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well now, I get low and I get high
and if I can’t get either, I really try
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes
I’m a dancin’ man and I just can’t lose
You know it’s all right, it’s okay
I’ll live to see another day

I’m back. Did you miss me? Don’t feel bad; neither did I.

I got up early today, determined to run despite the heat. Weatherbug told me it would be in the 80’s by 11 a.m., so I knew I had to make some big-time haste. I inhaled some soy yogurt (with ground flax seed) for breakfast, fed everyone else, threw on my workout gear and sped to the track. It was only 80°F, but out on the blacktop, it felt like 90°. Thank gad for the wind.

Yesterday, I did 20 minutes on the eliptical and my upper body/ab workout. I was at my sister’s, and I couldn’t find her 3 lb weights, so I used her fours. This morning I woke up to sore abs, but my upper body feels pretty good. So maybe I should increase my weights? I dunno. Anyway.

The warm up was good, the first 90 second run was good, though my calves hurt a bit afterwards. The first 3 minute run was okay, but my calves were in agony during the three minute walk. I was, once again, doubtful of my ability to finish the second half. I kicked my ass, though, and pushed through. The second 3 minute run was a killer, but I had been taking it easy since the beginning, not doing much more than a fast walk. I haven’t run in exactly two weeks, so I didn’t want to overdo it. I started out thinking it’d be fine if I couldn’t finish, but I’m really, really, really glad I was able to. It would have killed me to think I’d hit another setback.

I wasn’t thinking I’d do the entire five minute cool down, but I did. The wind had picked up again and I was still pretty revved up, so I took the time to cool down properly and then stretched in the shade by the church.

I’m home now, doing laundry and having a snack, and in a few minutes I’ll do my lower body workout. I’m definitely keeping up with the aerobic/strength training; I’ll never move forward without them.

In the past couple of weeks, I have learned a few things about myself:

Life without exercise/stretching isn’t worth the pain.
I am physically incapable of drinking.
When it comes to our animals, my sister is the good cop.
I think maybe I can go up to 4 lb weights now.
I have ADD.

Due to a bit of a life upheaval (someone else’s personal shit I won’t get into here), I haven’t worked out regularly in a month. So I guess being able to push through Week 3 again today was pretty amazing? Regardless, I’ve been in a lot of pain lately, and I know it’s from not working out or stretching. Once again, I can see that it’s NOT. WORTH. IT. to slack off. There’s no excuse.

I drank a bottle of blackberry wine while I was housesitting for my sister a few weeks ago, and aside from having some pretty funny drunken IMs (where I said things like ”I put foam hats on my rubbr duckies” and ”I feel fine, I”m jst having roulbe spelling a ltitle bit. IT’s ridiculous” and “fuckk hat guy. he ocudlnt’ senve stand up his own father an dsay, hey, man, I dont want to get naild by anything ecept that mary chick over there with the red hair.”), it isn’t something I’ll be repeating anytime soon. I woke up the next morning in excrutiating pain. A week later, my sister picked up some Jamaican lager and I had a bottle (they’re very small). Next morning, again, woke up in excrutiating pain. Needless to say, I’m just going to go with my original plan of not drinking at all.

Last year, a good friend of mine was diagnosed with ADD. Which I guess is just referred to as ADHD, even if you don’t have the hyperactivity bit? Anyway, we’ve been friends for going on ten years now, so I trust her judgement. When she told me that I more than likely have ADD, I chalked it up to “I’ve got it, so everyone else must have it, too.” Eventually, I started listening to what she had to say and realized that a lot of it sounded familiar. And I guess that, a lot of times with women, ADD is misdiagnosed as anxiety disorder.

Obviously, I’m not going to say for sure that I have ADD. Only a professional can work all that crap out. Unfortunately, I can’t get help (for anxiety or ADD or arthritis or anything) until I get health insurance. I’m in the OHP “lottery,” and will hopefully “win” a spot on the plan. I think they let you know after 45 days, so I’m pretty sure I’m not one of the lucky 10,000. My next option is to keep looking for a job offering good benefits. The chances of that happening? Not good. I really, really, really, really, really, really need to see a doctor. For so many reasons.

Anyway. I got a sample packet of this Hemp Shake stuff the other day. I figured I should add some protein powder to my breakfast smoothies (couldn’t hurt, right?) so I got the Amazon Açaí flavor. I loooove açaí. Flavor, I mean. I’ve never had the actual berry, though I’d love to try some. So I’ll be having that for breakfast tomorrow. If I like it, I might buy a big container, though it’s really expensive and I’m poor (and a Scrooge).

I’ve also started drinking aloe vera juice. I hate aloe vera juice almost as much as I hate carrot juice. And, like carrot juice, the only way I can drink it is if I mix it with something else. Orange juice. Apple Juice. Grape juice. Whatever. I just can’t drink the shit straight. For the past month or so, I’ve been having some, shall we say, awful belly stuff going on. I think it’s IBS. I take acidophilus before breakfast, but I’m still not doing very well, so my sister got me some aloe vera juice. So far, so good.

Wow. Longest entry ever? I’m shutting up now.

Thanks again for all the kind words regarding Meathead. My sister is ok, but Tank is still depressed, anxious and confused. Next month we're going to attempt the Colorado Road Trip again to meet up with Curly Joe, so he won't be lonely after that.

I'll definitely see you Thursday.

And then there was one.

2008-07-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Minutes before we were set to leave yesterday, Meathead got sick. He was hunched over and obviously in pain, and he vomited in the yard. We took him to the vet, but a few hours later he was dead. He had severe pancreatitis (which is what Bernie died of four months ago) and a fever of 106. That's when brain damage sets in. They'd given him morphine shortly before my sister and I arrived, so he was comfortable. He recognized us when we sat in the kennel with him, but pretty soon after that, he slipped away. He was covered in ice packs to try and bring the fever down, but it was pretty obvious there was nothing that could be done for him except euthanasia.

Unfortunately, my sister's boyfriend was at work and not answering his 911 pages. By the time he finally got there, Meathead was gone. It was after closing and the vet had had to leave for a half hour, so there was nothing anyone could do when he started having seizures. My sister held him as he faded away, he drew one last agonal breath and was gone. I think my sister is going to be ok, but it'll be tough for a while. He had a good, long life with us and she says she has absolutely no regrets.

As for Curly Joe, my sister's friends have him for now and will either drive him out here themselves in August, or we'll attempt another road trip in a few weeks. For now, he is having fun playing with their dogs and learning how to pee and poop outside like a big boy.

We're on the road - We're all set to go - Tell us when!

2008-07-02T13:23:00.001-07:00

'Cause the Rocky Mountain way
Is better than the way we had

I haven't run since the 24th and I'm all panicky about it. Last week I wasn't feeling well, this week I haven't had the time. Sis and I are leaving for Colorado tomorrow morning. We'll be back sometime Monday, and Tuesday I hope to be back out on the track.

Good news! I've got a lead on a good (but boring) job; it's in Portland and would be a bit of a drive for me, so I may end up moving back into my sister's house. The upside to that is, my sister works from home and would be there to keep an eye on Curly Joe and Tank while I'm gone all day. I don't know much about the job (got an inside tip from a friend) except that it involves phones and pays very well. I fucking hate talking on the phone, but I'm desperate enough to not give a shit as long as I'm getting a steady paycheck. Hopefully they'll have some nice benefits (medical) because my shit's all fucked up. The only downside to this job (that I can see) is paying out the arse at the gas station every week and not having time to work out as much as I'm used to.

Oh, well. I'll work out a new schedule, if I get the job, and still find time to run three days a week and get my dogs walked every day.

Speaking of dogs, I'm so excited!!!! Apparently, Curly Joe is about six months old but still small enough to tuck under your arm or hide in your jacket. This morning, Meathead was lounging in his doggy bed and Tank came over and started pawing his face. Meathead wasn't having any of it, though. Who can blame him? He had a rough week (barium series at the vet on Monday). Still, I felt bad for Tank, wanting to play so badly but not having an able-bodied dog to oblige him. Sis's friend said that Curly Joe wants to play with the other dogs, but he's really shy. Hopefully a week at our house will bring him out of his shell and he and Tank will be BFFs in no time.

So you won't be hearing from me until next week. Have a happy and safe Fourth of July. It's my least favorite holiday because it scares the shit out of the animals. Back before everyone went deaf, we had to sedate them on the 4th because they were so freaked out by the noise. Everybody except Tank, that is. That dog isn't afraid of anything. He hates water and car rides, sure, but he can deal with it.

Game still off.

2008-06-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

Another day of Not Running. It's 96°F out right now, so there's no way in hell I'm running around a track for a half hour. Instead, Sis and I have brought the dogs up here so we could put the A/C unit in the kitchen window. We can sweat it out at her house, but I've got my 64-year old mother to worry about up here. There was no way we were letting her go without A/C. And it nearly killed us getting it set up. At least we got some exercise, right?

So instead of doing anything that requires a lot of movement, my sister and I are planning our trip to Colorado. She's on my mom's computer in the dining room, and I'm on my Mac in the office. Basically, she's booking the hotels and I'm booking the Fun Stuff. First of all, and I hadn't realized this until now, the Mork and Mindy house is actually IN Boulder! So we're absolutely going to see that. Second of all, we're going to eat the HELL out of this place. I've promised my friend Katie that I'll eat a chili cheez dog and a milkshake for her. The sacrifice I make for the people I love.

I'm so incredibly excited about this trip. Sis's friends are getting a dog-friendly room at our hotel, too, that way we can run back and forth with Curly Joe. Heehee. I can't wait!

In running news, I was tipped off to this. I guess that, on November 11th, a bunch of people across the globe are going to run together. Isn’t that nice? Here’s what someone posted at the Ct5k forums:

Steve Runner from the Phedippidations Podcast organises an annual event called the “Phedippidations World Wide Half Marathon Challenge, and Kick the Couch 5k”. This year it’s being held on October 11 / 12. The way it works is that you sign up for the event, and then run it on the nominated weekend somewhere in your local area, and post your results back to the website. I thought it would be great if a number of us enter the event...and run it at exactly the same time where ever possible. This way you know that when you’re running, a fellow C25K member will be running along with you.

To try and make the time of day as reasonable as possible for most members, the following is what I suggest our start times should be:

West Coast USA: Sat 11/10/2008 2:00 PM
East Coast USA: Sat 11/10/2008 5:00 PM
United Kingdom: Sat 11/10/2008 10:00 PM
Western Australia: Sun 12/10/2008 5:00 AM
East Coast Australia: Sun 12/10/2008 7:00 AM

To find out your starting time if you’re in a timezone other than the ones listed, click here. In the date field, select October 11 2008, for Location 1 select United States New York, for Location 2 select your own location. Then click Submit. Next scroll down to the New York time of Sat 28/06/2008 5:00 PM* . Your local time will be displayed next to it...that’s your start time.

To signup, go to the Phedippidations World Wide Half Marathon Challenge, and Kick the Couch 5k website. It’s totally free. Also click on the Teams Link, and join the C25Kcom team I have setup.

Committing to an event is great motivation to keep training! Let us know if you’re going to take part by posting a reply here.

Exciting, no?

Ok. It is now 99°F. Time to go water the garden. And myself.

See you Tuesday, hopefully. I still feel like crap.

Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 67 years old. Happy Birthday, Dad.

Game off

2008-06-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to let everyone (haha) know that I'm not running today. I'm pretty sure I've come down with a cold. After Tuesdays' run, I got really warm and then couldn't stop sneezing. I'm having a hard time breathing (asthma) and today I've got hot and cold flashes. I decided I should probably just take today (and possibly Saturday) off.

Today I'm just doing laundry and washing my sinuses out with the neti pot. Sis and I were going to take Mom to the Rose Gardens, but she had other plans. That's right. My 63-year old mother has a social life and I don't.

So I figure I'll just post some pictures instead. These are from our day at Sauvie Island on Monday. (Click for larger view.)

Meathead's favorite hobbies: sticks and water.

Tank has been terrified of water ever since he crashed through some ice and almost drowned when he was four months old. However, I discovered that if he can walk in and out of water by himself, he doesn't mind all that much. Sis threw a stick for Meathead who decided it was too far away to retrieve. To my surprise, Tank started going in after it. Incidentally, the beach is in Oregon. The trees in the background are in Washington.

Swimming back.

As I said, Meathead loves sticks.

The boys made a new friend! His name is Diesel.

PRAWNZILLA!!!!

We have the best dogs in the world.

Waiting for Curly Joe. We pick him up in one week!

And that's it for Sauvie Island. The next time we go, we'll have life preservers for all three dogs. It was really sad, going there this time. We haven't been back to the island in three years; the last time was right before Luke had his colectomy. All five dogs were still alive and well. It just felt empty, only having Meathead and Tank there. Bernie should have been there to cheer Meathead on as he swam out to retrieve sticks and Lady should have been patrolling the beach, keeping her boys in check. Luke would have been barking non-stop because he never could contain his excitement about everything, and Tank would have been sniffing sniffing sniffing sniffing. I miss them all so much.

Tuesday morning I woke up at 5 a.m. and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I looked out the window and saw the entire pasture covered in fog, so I grabbed the camera and went out to take pictures. The rest are up at my Flickr.

See you Saturday, maybe.

Week 3, Day 15

2008-06-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

75°F, nice wind blowing in from the southwest, partly cloudy. Great day for a run with my favorite running partner.

Today's run was slightly better than the last. I think it would have gone a lot better if I had run in the morning when it wasn't quite so warm. It's not that hot out, but running gets your blood boiling once you get going.

I've still been slacking off with my strength training and aerobic. I just can't even seem to find the time these days. Bad bad bad. At least I'm eating better. I had soy yogurt with ground flax seed for breakfast, and I'm going out for lunch with my mom and sis, probably to this pub in town that serves really yummy hummus wraps.

On the drive down to the track, I was talking to my sister about running and how it's going to make us less fat. This was her comment:

"Fuck, I just want to be able to outrun the zombies."

Shouldn't we all?

Yesterday, Sis and I took the dogs to Sauvie Island. I haven't been everywhere yet, but I'm pretty sure that Sauvie is my favorite place in all of Oregon.

We're leaving for Colorado next Thursday (the 3rd) and will probably be back on Sunday or Monday, so I may miss a run or two. But Curly Joe is more than worth it! I've got to smooth out some details with his foster mother; she's going to have him neutered, yay, but I want him to have pre-surgery labs done to make sure he's OK to go under anesthesia. He had a seizure in May, and that makes me nervous. She also needs to get a travel certificate from her vet that shows it's OK for Curly to cross (several) state lines.

Well, I've got some pictures to upload and I've still got to call Curly Joe's foster mom, so I'm going to post this and edit it later.

See you on Thursday!

Week 3, Day 14

2008-06-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

I got a pain in my shoes and all I wanna do is dance.

I’ve now officially been doing Week 3 for two weeks. Although I felt better for most of today’s run, the last three minutes were still really tough. I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t frustrating, but I’m trying to remind myself that there’s no need to hurry. I have to keep in mind that if I ate proper meals, I’d be in better shape out there on the track.

My sister ran with me again, too! She has recently lost 11 pounds, mostly because she’s been really stressed out and not eating much, but I like to think that part of it is because she’s been running. Go, Sis!

I don’t have much else to report about the run. It was 81°F out there, but there was a nice wind to keep us cool. Funny thing is, there’s this “dead zone” at the southwest corner of the track; there’s no wind at this particular spot, and it’s always a few degrees warmer.

In hockey news, I GOT A HOCKEY JERSEY! My friend Ali sent me her Yzerman jersey because she doesn’t wear it anymore. I got it in the mail today, and I’m so happy. (It's my very first jersey.) I put it on right away and took pictures. It’d probably be a lot bigger on me if I wasn’t so ... chesty.

In doggy news, I’M GETTING A PUPPY! Sis and I are making plans to meet her friends in Colorado next month. They live in Louisiana, but they thought we could meet halfway to pick up Curly Joe. I can’t wait. Not only because I finally get to meet Curly Joe, but because I LOVE ROAD TRIPS. When I was in high school, my sister and I and our BFF did nothing but road trip around the country. We were going to concerts, but the driving was almost the best part. I usually sat in back with our gigantic cassette tape collection. We stayed at exclusively at the Motel 6; I would hide in the back seat when we pulled into the parking lot and my sister would go in and get a room for one adult and one child (we were 18, our friend was 16). We always got a room with two full-sized beds, and we would rotate so that every night, one of us would get to sleep alone. One time, we were up in Milwaukee, hanging out in front of the Ambassador Hotel. It wasn’t until we went back to our motel room that night turned on the TV that we realized this was where Jeffrey Dahmer had murdered some of his victims.

Another time, we got stuck in a freak blizzard in Arkansas and the only motel we found had one double bed, so we had to pull the mattress out on the floor and flip a coin to see who had to sleep on the box spring. Actually, I think I was outvoted; they claimed they had to sleep on the mattress because I was the only one who was capable of falling asleep anywhere, anytime. Since I’ve actually fallen asleep in the middle of guitar class and also during a concert, I really couldn’t argue with them.

Anyway. I’m really excited about the road trip. Good music, good company, good times.

See you Tuesday!

Week 3, Day 13

2008-06-19T18:41:00.000-07:00

I hate running this late in the day, but I had a pretty full schedule and this was the only time I could manage it. Wasn't a very good day today (in general), but I survived. I had to take three cats into the vet today. Benduka, for his UTI recheck and my sister's kittens, Lindy and Doon for their pre-spay blood work. Let's just say Ben was the only one who made it to the appointment. The girls kind of lost their shit when I put them in the carrier. A carrier they've been in many times, mind you. Today they decided it was the portal to HELL and they wanted nothing to do with it. If they were a little scared, I would have gone ahead, but they were bouncing off the walls and I was terrified they would hurt themselves. I let them out and they vanished. By dinnertime, they'll forget it ever happened and be right back to their lovable, annoying selves.

At any rate, after I dropped Ben off at home, I headed out to run some other errands, two of which I didn't even have time to do. So I bought a bottle of loganberry wine and went back to my sister's house. I had a Tofu Pup for lunch, took the dogs out for a walk around the yard, chased a stray duck back into the little yard because she couldn't figure out how to get back on her own and the geese were terrorizing her, FINALLY put on my running gear and headed out.

I got two houses down from my sister's before I remembered her asshole neighbor who can't be bothered to keep his psychotic dog inside the house. I heard the dog barking from behind the house, and two seconds later, he (she?) was out in the street barking at me. I avoided eye contact and sat, sternly, "GO HOME," but he/she kept darting after me, so close, I could feel his/her whiskers on my leg. I told him/her again to go home, but the damn dog trailed along behind me until I got to the next house where two women were screaming at each other on the front lawn. I don't keep my iPod turned up very loud for safety and hearing reasons, so I could pretty much hear everything they were screaming. Apparently, one women couldn't afford the luxury of having two cars, which I find strange because her driveway and lawn is home to no less than 12 sorely abused vehicles. One of them was in the ditch, in fact. The other woman was mad because she was expected to answer her texts messages while she's out with her man. It was at this point that my eyes started to glaze over and I almost fell into a ditch. Hello, kids! Welcome to Jerry Springer's neighborhood. Can you spell "meth lab"?

Anyway. Running. It's 76°F out there right now. Thankfully the sun was low enough to be hidden by the trees along the river, so I had quite a bit of shade. I'm happy to announce that today's run wasn't as "bad" as Tuesday's. It was difficult mentally because when I run on the track, I know where I'll be when the intervals end because I'm running the same circle every time. On the road at my sister's, I don't know where I'll be when an interval ends, so I feel kind of lost without those markers.

I did pretty well, for the most part. I felt good, too. The last three minute run was a little hard, but I didn't feel quite so much like dying this time around. I think getting back to the strength training and aerobic this week has really paid off. *pats self on back* I haven't had time to do my lower body workout today, but that's ok. I ran and that should be enough. I'm not going to drive myself crazy trying to fit every damn thing into my schedule today.

Right now my biggest concern is whether or not I should take a bath. A shower, yes, but my sister has a jacuzzi tub and, before she left for Chicago, bought some rubber duckies and told me to take a bubble bath while she was gone. Trouble is, do I really want to soak in hot water when it's this warm out? It'll cool off in a couple of hours (I hope). Perhaps I'll wait until then. It'll give the wine time to chill. Or whatever wine does in the fridge.

See you on Saturday.

P.S. I've been in contact with my sister's friend, and we're working out the best way to get that little fainting puppy out here. Actually, it's not so much that he faints. He'll just fall over from time to time. I'm definitely going to buy him a doggy life preserver for when we all go to the lake, but maybe I should get him a helmet, too...

By this time next month, Tank could have a little brother!

Week 3, Day 12

2008-06-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

My sister won’t be back from Chicago until Friday, so I’m still house/animal-sitting. Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and upper body strength training, so today I feel a bit more prepared than I have been this last week or so. I ate not too terribly bad yesterday, too. This morning I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. It was pretty much all I had to work with.

It’s 55°F today. Overcast, a little bit of a breeze. So far, I’m really enjoying the weather this summer.

To the run! On the plus side, I didn’t even have to put my hair up in a ponytail. I just clipped the bangs back and viola! Love this new hair. On the down side, I was ready to pack it in before I’d even finished my first 90 second interval. Obviously, it’s going to take me a few days to get back into the swing of things. Because I’m pressed for time and out of sorts these days, I decided to do aerobic on my non-run days.

Anyway, when I got to the track, there was a woman speed walking and another, younger, woman running the opposite direction. Oy. Three’s a crowd, eh? I used the second lane of the track for my warm up, giving the runner the right of way even though she was going the “wrong” direction. Because I’m nice like that. The inside lane is the only one without huge lumps or potholes, and I didn’t have my glasses on, so I wasn’t so much flirting with disaster as I was soul kissing it.

The runner passed me again just before I started my first interval, except this time she was not only running but kicking a soccer ball in front of her. No wonder I wanted to quit! Jeezum crow, I can barely talk and blink at the same time.

But I digress. I pushed through the entire run, stretched and now I’m home. I’ve got Meathead and Tank with me because I’m taking my mom on some errands after I do my lower body workout and take a much needed shower. Meatie’s got this weird burping issue that needs to be looked at. I’m guessing he’s either got IBD or (more likely) something esophageal. We may end up having to do a barium series to see where/what the trouble is. If you’ve never worked as a vet tech, you’ll never know the pain of a barium series. It doesn’t hurt the dog, but it’s murder on the tech. Not only is it a pain in the ass getting the animal to drink the barium, but you spend the next fifty years of your life taking radiographs to track the barium’s progress. I have to say, though, it really is quite fascinating.

Also, since Meatie’s mommy is in Chicago until Friday, he’s being a big, fussy baby. He loves his Auntie Turtle, but he doesn’t like it when my sister isn’t around. When were still living in Chicago, and Sis and her b.f. went out to Portland for the first time (about nine years ago) to visit friends, I took Meathead to the forest preserve everyday to play fetch or frisbee to keep his mind off of their absence. Am I good or what? Yesterday I took both dogs for a walk, which was quite the pain in my caboose. Try pushing a big dog in a doggy stroller while trying to control a sniff-crazy hound dog at the same time. Not easy, I can assure you. Then I remember that Sis and I used to walk all seven dogs at once, and tell myself to quit being such a baby.

Anyway. See you Thursday.

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

Week 3, Day 11

2008-06-14T16:46:00.001-07:00

Well, these runs aren't getting any easier, but at least I had a running partner for the third day in a row! My sister is flying back home to visit relatives in Chicago for a couple of days; I'm driving her to the airport tomorrow morning. Remember how I went to Florida earlier this year? And flew on a plane for the first time in 18 years? Well, that's my sister, too. She's really scared, so what better way to burn off some nervous energy than by running?

Unfortunately, her iPod died right after the warm up. But it was a beautiful day (63°F, windy, not a cloud in the sky) and she was determined to run, so she just counted the seconds off in her head. She's still doing Week 1 so it wasn't too tedious.

I did alright, but I'm not progressing. This week I am bound and determined to get back to strength training and at least 20 minutes of aerobic. Otherwise I'm just going to stall, and I don't like the thought of that.

For breakfast this morning, I had two flax seed waffles and a bottle of blueberry/açaí juice. For lunch I had a veggie Italian sahsidge with some mustard and a side of potatoes with onions and green peppers.

In other news, I got my hair cut! (You can only see the picture if you’re one of my Flickr contacts. Sorry!) Got quite a bit cut off and, for the first time in 20 years, got some bangs. Nothing drastic, but still a big change.

Bonus! Pictures of my garden. I'm ashamed to say I had no hand in building any of it, but it still looks fantastic.

Now all I have to do is get planting! So far I've got Walla Walla onions, some strawberries, and my neighbor is giving us some red seed potatoes. A friend of mine is also sending me a bunch of seeds. Turnips and suchlike. I need to get some lettuce, too. This is my very first garden. I hope I don't screw it up.

In hockey news, Alexander Ovechkin is coming out with his own clothing line. ~~MY EYES! MY EYES!~~

Also, today is Saturday the 14th. If you don't know why that's significant, you probably weren't born in the 70's and should therefore feck off.

Week 3, Day 10

2008-06-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Gooooooooooorrrrgeous day for running. 70°F, nice wind coming in from the SE, not a cloud in sight. I had company again: my sister! She’s still doing Week 1 and that’s a-okay.

It felt really great to hit the track in shorts and a tank top, and I had a good sweat going by the time I was finished. I thought the second three minute interval would be harder because it was so much warmer out, but I didn’t do any better or worse than the last few times. I was just so happy to see the sun again.

I wanted to take the dogs to this new park today, but we didn’t have time. Possibly we’ll go tomorrow, though my sister and I are getting our hair cut in the morning. I’m excited and scared because I’m doing something drastic. My sister hasn’t gone into a salon and had her hair cut by a professional in 20 years. Me, I haven’t had my hair cut in six months. My friend Nicole chopped my (waist-length) hair off three years ago, and I’ve been going to her (at The Gypsy Rose) ever since. I trust Nicole with my hair, but I have very little confidence in my ability to pull of anything other than “frumpish slob.” My personal style can be summed up in four words: doesn’t give a damn.

Cold and alone <----- how I'm going to die.

One of my friends got me a subscription to Outdoor Photographer as a Christmas present. I started getting them forwarded to me when I was in Florida; it wasn’t until I got home that I realized it was a present from K. Oops. Anyway, I got the July issue the other day and was happy to see they had a feature on the Upper Peninsula. I regret that I’ve only ever been there during the summer because I imagine it has to be spectacularly beautiful in the Fall and Winter. I'll go back there someday.

I’m shutting up now because I’m starving.

See you Saturday.

Week 3, Day 9

2008-06-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

This isn’t going to be much of an update. Been eating like crap, sleeping like crap, haven’t worked out (strength training or aerobic) since last Wednesday. I ran today, though. It’s 54°F, overcast, windy. A little drizzly. My sister is going through a rough patch right now, so I dragged her to the track with me. She didn’t run, but she did walk the entire time I was out there.

For my part, this run was the worst yet. Halfway through the last running interval, I wanted to give up. I absolutely have to keep up with the aerobic and strength training from now on. Slacking off just isn’t worth it.

I don’t have time to write more. See you Thursday.

Week 3, Day 8

2008-06-07T11:50:00.000-07:00

It only takes five to hold a town in terror. . .

Eight days in the bag, and those last three minutes still aren’t getting any easier. No big deal, though. Today, the second 90 second run was a little tough, so I was really dreading the next three minutes. I did it despite the incredible urge to just walk off the track and go home.

It was 48°F, overcast, drizzling. I had another bowl of those goddam Cocoa Crispies for breakfast. I’ve been stressed out and eating like shit this week. Plus I’ve got my period. So I’m not in the best shape right now. I’ve been slacking off on my aerobics, and I think that’s a big part of why I struggle on the runs. I need to keep strengthening my heart and lungs.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Did everybody hear what Tiger Woods had to say about hockey?

What’s more exciting to you? Watching “athletes” in bad sweaters ride carts around on the grass and knock little white balls into a hole in the ground, or watching scarred and bloody and badly injured men sprint around an ice rink for 60 (sometimes 120) minutes?

Gad, I fucking hate golf. Except for miniature golf. I loooooove me some mini golf. When I was a kid, we went to a place called Haunted Trails over on Harlem. Best mini golf ever. It wasn’t that big of a course, at least not in the 70’s and 80’s, but it was a lot of fun. It used to (might still) be that when you paid for mini golf, you could pick which color ball you wanted. I always picked green. There was the headless horseman, Dracula, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Frankenstein and this really stupid trap that had three big rubber gloves stuck on the end of some pipes and they would dip down and try and block your shot. Oh, and the garbage cans were ghosts! And they had all these fake headstones with funny things written on them. There was a game room with ski ball, pinball machines, air hockey and arcade games. So stupid, but so fun. This person’s Flickr has a lot of great photos of the place.

There was also Dispensa’s Kiddie Kingdom, but we didn’t go there that often. I’ve got a cassete tape of us coming back from a day at the Kingdom. Sis and I had won (or annoyed our parents into purchasing) these little rubber worms, and I decided we should name them Wormy and Squirmy and proceded to make up a song about them. A few weeks later, my mom shut my head in the rear window of the station wagon when we all went to the drive in. Coincidence? More like payback. We were there to see The Children because my mom thought The House That Dripped Blood would be too scary. Oh, the irony. If I could get my hands on a copy of that movie, I’d be so happy.

Anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I really want to play mini golf. I think there’s a place out near Woodburn. Eh, I was close. Wilsonville.

Oh, to be a kid again...

See you on Tuesday.

Week 3, Day 7

2008-06-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hey, it’s raining! Again! In Portland!

I had a banana for breakfast, put off running until it was only drizzling, then headed down to the track. 48°F, really windy. It was a pretty good run, but those last three minutes are still KILLING me. It’ll get easier, I know, but for now it’s a struggle to get through. Fingers crossed for no rain on Saturday.

Last night I dreamt I was running. I also dreamt I was making out with Henrick Zetterburg in the Red Wings’ locker room. At least I could make one part of that dream come true. Which is a nice segway into last night’s hockey game, and (just for Ed) I will begin with an enthusiastic:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

THE RED WINGS WON THE STANLEY CUP! DETROIT’S A KILLER!

I was literally on the edge of my seat for three hours yesterday. When the final horn sounded, I jumped off the couch and ran around the front room going, “WOOOOOOOOOO!” The cats didn’t come out of the closet for two hours. I’m still jazzed. So happy my team won. The downside is no more hockey until October. Lucky for me, there’s a local beer league. No reason I can’t go to their games, eh? Needless to say, I will be making Stanley Cupcakes every season. You're welcome, Detroit. Just doing my part. Funny: when Crosby got nailed on the boards and limped off the ice, my mom said, "Good!" Heehee. I think I've been a bad influence on her.

I had more to say but I'm kind of in a rush.

Week 3, Day 6

2008-06-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

...he knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy. He knows there’s a painful side....but he won’t let the pain blot out the humor no more than he’ll let the humor blot out the pain.”

Woke up to more gray and drizzle this morning after less than five hours of sleep. I was still dead tired but when I saw the sun come out, I scarfed down a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles (bad bad bad bad/running low on provisions) and headed out the door. It was 51°F with a strong wind coming in from the South. I had on my tank top and rain coat and my running pants. Luckily, it didn’t rain while I was running (though I’m pretty sure I heard thunder), but I kept the rain coat on just in case.

The run went well, pretty much the same as the last couple of times. The second three minute run just about does me in, so I’ll definitely be sticking with Week 3 for a while. I felt really clunky today. Blame it on the shit I ate for breakfast, or blame it on the wind, I don’t know.

It still feels really good to have made this progression.

Weather looks great for the rest of the week, but this is the Pacific Northwest and rain is always lurking just around the corner.

No update on my fainting goat puppy, except that yesterday I realized it’s only about a 24 hour drive (one way) to where he is. I’m thinking maybe it’d be easier (and more fun) to just rent a car and drive down there myself. The downside being I have terrible night blindness and absolutely no sense of direction. Oh for a friend to make the drive with me. Alas, such is the plight of a hermit.

In hockey news: Triple. Fucking. Overtime. Hoe-lee shit. That game was intense, despite two bullshit penalties against the Red Wings. How can you call goalie interference when you’re in the neutral zone and can’t see what’s going on in the crease?? Somebody needs to kick ~~the shit out of~~ some sense into the refs during the off season. Did I say refs? I meant the puppet masters controlling the refs. Do you recall what was revealed the day old-time hockey died?

Anyway, hockey is the reason why I got home so late. I was at my sister’s house for the game because I’d borrowed her car and she needed it to pick her boyfriend up from the airport at 10 p.m. The game didn’t last until 2 a.m..... I just got caught up playing Grand Theft Auto IV. But I digress. The game got off to a bad start, but I was hoping we had the Cup when Rafalski scored the tie breaker in the third period. When Hudler smacked Scuderi in the face with his stick and got four minutes in the box, I knew we were fucked. See? That’s what that asshole in the white gloves gets for taking the Cup out before the goddam clock ran out. GOOCHER. Game 6 in Steel City tomorrow. Now that I’ve been forced to watch the Penguins play, I’m starting to see why Indi hates Sidney Crosby so much. Not so much that he’s a diving, whining baby with a sad little Playoff beard, but because everyone’s making so much of a big deal about him that they’re completely glossing over everybody else. I almost want to mute the tv for the entire game just so I don’t have to hear his goddam name every five minutes. WE KNOW SIDNEY CROSBY IS IN THE CUP FINAL. WE KNOW SIDNEY CROSBY IS A GOOD PLAYER. He’s got teammates, you know. And hey! They’re playing a whole other team out there on the ice. Why don’t we talk about them for a second, especially since THEY JUST SCORED A GOAL and you are for some reason showing a play Crosby made right before it?

:: deep, cleansing breathe ::

The Farm Boy came over to mow the lawn yesterday because I’m still terrified of the riding lawn mower. I woke up this morning to find that the guy had weed whacked the Lupins. I don’t know why I’m surprised. Last month, the dumb sonofabitch ripped out my rose bush. Apparently, native Oregonians can’t tell the difference between roses and blackberry brambles.

Anyway. See you Thursday. I may be walking to and from the track, so if you never hear from me again, I’m probably lying dead on some desolate mountain road with an exceedingly pissed off look on my face.

ETA: 7 p.m. Stopped by my landlord's to drop off the rent check just now, and he offered to come up and till the garden. HOLY SHIT I HAVE A GARDEN. I think it's got more square footage than my bedroom. The landlord refused monetary compensation, instead asking that we give him a couple of cucumbers. So I guess we're planting cukes! I need to get some deer fencing first. Really incredibly tall deer fencing. We've got mule deer up here. They stand over three feet at the shoulders, which means that the fencing I have right now is worthless. And then I've got to go out and pick my starters. What should I plant? Artichokes, yes. Some corn, maybe? Back when I had a sense of smell, cornfields were my favorite (as well as horse stables and gas stations). Lots of lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, squash. I have no idea how to garden. This is going to end in heartache. I've had my jade plant for over a year now and it's thriving, so I guess that counts for something. It started out as just two little leaves pinched off of my neighbor's (18 year old) plant. Look at it now!

Week 3, Day 5

2008-06-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

I didn’t get a chance to run yesterday because my car is dead, and I didn’t feel like walking back up the mountain after tackling another day of Week 3. My sister came over this evening, so I was able to run. She brought her dog, Meathead with, so she drove us all (me, her, Meatie, Tank) to the track at around 6:30. There was something going on at the school because there were kids all over the playground. There was also a couple playing tennis at the court up the hill at the east side of the track.

Sis sat in the grass with the boys while I ran. Considering all the distractions going on, not to mention how incredibly late it was, I was actually pretty focused on the run. It wasn’t until I started the second round of 90/90 that things got shaky. A pair of teenagers walked onto the track ahead of me and stopped to look at something with binoculars. I had my headphones down low, as usual, and about ten seconds after I passed them, I could hear them clomping up behind me. They ran around me, both of them waving their arms and legs around like nut jobs. The girl looked back and waved her hands at her ears, laughing and saying, ”Oh, she can’t even hear us.” So I’m pretty sure they were making fun of me. Why, I have no idea. I don’t run like Phoebe.

At any rate, I couldn’t have cared less. I just kept going. Except when I started my three minute run, the teenagers were ahead of me again, this time with three other kids. And they were all standing in my lane. I fully intended to bowl right through them if they didn’t move, but right when I approached them, they stepped out of the way.

Man, I can’t wait to have my tubes tied. In a double sheet bend.

Anyway, it was a nice night for a run. 54°F and overcast. At least, it was until we got down to the track. As soon as I started running, the clouds broke and the sun came out. The light was gorgeous, and with all these people around, the grackles didn’t spleen me. This is cute: every time I ran past my sister and the dogs, the dogs would get all happy and excited. I felt bad, like I should have had Tank with me, but he hates people (he’s owner protective) and I couldn’t have run steadily with him barking at the kids on the track.

I’m still feeling pretty rough for the second three minute run, but when I’m running the first one, I think, I can do five minutes, no problem! So I think I probably won’t stay in Week 3 as long as I did Week 2. I think. We’ll see how it goes.

Hopefully, I can get my car jumped and running tomorrow. I’m not sure it’ll make it home, but maybe I can drop it off at the dealership. I can’t actually afford to have it fixed, but at least it’d be sitting someplace useful, right? So it looks like I’ll be walking to the track from now on. It’s going to be in the 60’s all week with rain on Tuesday. Boo.

Game 5 tomorrow! The game on Saturday was oh-so-awesome. I made Stanley Cupcakes again, and I think that, combined with my lucky red shirt, really helped Detroit shame Pittsburgh on their own ice. You’re welcome, boys. Don’t mention it. And speaking of Detroit, a friend of mine said she would send me her Yzerman jersey! Funnily enough, I’ve got my mom hooked on hockey now. Whenever I turn on the game, she wheels herself over and watches the entire thing. Saturday, she was surprised the game ended so quickly. When I told her hockey is only three 20 minute periods, she said, ”Why isn’t it four periods?” I replied, ”Because then they’d be quarters.”

In other (wonderful) news, the laboratory dogs all got adopted out! What a load off my mind. I found out yesterday that there’s another dog in need of rescue, though. My sister has a friend on Louisiana who volunteers at an animal shelter. There’s a little puppy there who needs a good home, but nobody will adopt him because he’s a special needs dog. They think somebody poisoned him, and as a result, he’s got some sort of brain damage where he falls over or passes out a lot. He’s okay 90% of the time, but still. Not a lot of people would want a fainting goat dog. I’m not a lot of people, though, so it looks like I’m getting a puppy. He’s only a couple of months old, and apparently very sweet.

How can you resist that face?! I sure as hell can’t. And those ears! I’m so verklempt, I could plotz. So right now we’re trying to figure out the best way to get him out here. Flying him out would be easiest for us but not for him, I think. I’d worry about him in the cargo hold in his condition. Another option being tossed around is a sort of relay delivery. Trouble is, I don’t know anyone between Oregon and Louisiana who could help with this. My sister tells me there’s a pet transport company that could drive him out, so we’ll look into that. He'll also need to have a thorough exam at the vet to try and figure out if we can fix whatever's broken.

I said when Luke died last year (and when Lady and Bernie died eight and three months ago, respectively) that I didn’t want another dog. Even though I knew how sad and lonely Tank was, I didn’t want to take in another animal if I wasn’t ready. My sister and I have always been of the opinion that when the right dog came along, we would know it. I feel that way about this puppy. And after I screwed Tank up so badly, I swore I’d never get another puppy! But, lesson learned; I won’t make the same mistakes twice. Proper socialization and lots of car rides.

I am very much looking forward to years of long walks with Tank and the puppy, and I know Meathead (my sister’s dog) is going to love having a young ‘un around again.

See you Tuesday (I hope).

Week 3, Day 4

2008-05-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

The night were dark and the sky were blue
down the alleyway a house wagon flew

Today’s a smelly. Woke up to drizzle and gray, wanting nothing more than to hide under the covers and go back to sleep. Even on good days it’s hard to sleep in, especially with an old cat biting you every five minutes so you’ll get up and feed her. I’ve been pretty depressed the past couple of days (especially after the Wings lost Game 3 last night and the Pens broke Holmstrom), mostly because of some dogs that are in need of being rescued. I’ve been having trouble getting in touch with the people involved, and today is the deadline. I finally got through to voice mail earlier today, so mostly I’ve been sitting around waiting for my phone to ring. Finally at around 2:00, I decided to head down to the track before I drove myself nuts. The weather had cleared up and the sky was big and blue. 57°F, sunny with a bit of wind coming in from the SE.

Today’s run was a little bit better than Tuesdays. The only difference is that there were buzzards circling as well as the those damn grackles. I felt pretty ragged by the second 90 second run, even worse by the second 3 minute run. My mind wasn’t really on the track. I just felt sad the entire time I was out there.

I stretched and came home. I went down to the end of the driveway to get my garbage can, happened to find a little blue robin egg (cracked and empty) lying on the ground and took it inside with me. *shrug* It’s pretty. Now I'm going to force myself to do some aerobic and my lower body workout.

I don’t really have anything else to say. I guess I’ll see you on Saturday.

Week 3, Day 3

2008-05-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

I go to find me some breakfast, but I ain’t got no food
Take me a shower, but the water don’t feel no good

Good day and welcome to Day 3. It’s 55°F and overcast today, but no rain. Yet. I wasn’t really looking forward to today’s run; I woke up later than I planned and that always puts me in a foul mood. Plus, I wasn’t feeling well. I’m convinced it’s self-sabotage because it seems like every other week I feel like I’m coming down with a cold. So I says to myself, “Listen up, Self. You’re running today, whether you like it or not. You got a problem with that, you can kiss my ass.” Had an orange for breakfast and then, out of spite, threw on my running gear and went down to the track.

Had the place to myself again. Got right into the warm up walk, and when I got to the other side of the track (approaching the fence I use for my pre- and post-run stretches), I heard all this angry screeching. I looked up and saw a Grackle circling me. Well, don’t that beat all, I thought to myself. Usually it’s buzzards. When I got to the fence, I paused my iPod and commenced with the stretching. The grackle landed on the fence about five feet away and continued screeching at me. A second grackle flew over and joined it. They both stood there making angry bird noises at me, while I started to wonder if maybe I should put my glasses back on in case they went Alfred Hitchcock on me. As I walked back to the track, I swear to gad I heard one of them say, ”You are doomed! Forsake all hope!”

They spleened me the entire time I was running. They must’ve had a nest in one of the nearby trees, though I can’t see as I was near enough to any of them to pose a threat.

...Can birds get rabies?...

Despite being continuously disturbed by Mutt and Jeff, I had a good run. Semi-good, considering what a horrible mood I was in. My calves were burning after the first three minute run, and after the second 90 second run/walk, I began seriously doubting my ability to handle the last three minute interval. But I did handle it, and for the last minute or so, I felt like I was flying.

I’m in a better mood now and am very much looking forward to Thursday. And Wednesday! Game 3 of the Cup final! The Red Wings are halfway to victory. I watched the game ~~at the lonely end of the rink~~ all by myself last night, but that’s ok. Every time I jumped up and cheered, Tank got excited and the cats scattered like roaches. The best part? Gordie Howe was there. And there was a big fight at the end. (Don't fuck with the goalie.)

Now I’ve had my flax seed smoothie and in a few minutes I’ll do aerobic and lower body.

Four in the net, ready to go. We be fast, they be slow!

2008-05-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

I know this is a running journal, so be warned: I'm going to talk about hockey.

The Stanley Cupcake - Game 1
Originally uploaded by BlindTurtle

Well, here it is. My Super-Secret Hockey Dessert: The Stanley Cupcake. I know, it’s just a red cupcake with white frosting. BUT. It’s a red cupcake with white frosting. In honor of the Red Wings, ya dig? My original plans were too lofty for my tiny brain; I had intended to make a stencil out of the Wings logo and make logo-shaped sprinkles on the frosting. Didn’t work. Penalty for icing. Very sad.

The cupcakes themselves are delicious. I made the Crimson Velveteen Cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World (with Vegan Fluffy Buttercream Frosting). It called for two tablespoons of red food coloring. I only had two tiny bottles which added up to one tablespoon. I think for Game 2 of the Stanley Cupcake, I’m going to make regular yellow cupcakes with red food dye. I think the red would stand out more. I think. What the fork do I know about baking? I have a lot of other ideas that I’m not even going to attempt, mainly because I’m only amusing myself here and it’s not worth the money, time and effort. If I was entertaining a group of hockey-loving friends, it’d be a different story. As it is, I have only one hockey-loving friend and she has the great misfortune of living at the exact opposite corner of the country. (I say misfortune but you know what? SHE HAS HOCKEY.)

As for last night's game, well, it was fifty kinds of awesome. Maybe I should say 37 kinds of awesome because Samuelsson got the first two goals (unassisted). I don’t know much about hockey, but I still say that Lidstrom’s disallowed goal in the first period was bullshit. Fleury was out of the crease and Holmstrom (who wasn’t in the crease) hadn’t actually touched him with his stick, but whatever. Kronwall is a joy to watch, I’ve quickly realized, and I still get a big kick out of Rafalski. Here’s to hoping Chelios and the Mule are ok’d to play soon. I mean, the Wings kicked ass without them, but it’ll be nice to have them back. Anyway. Only one person reading this (at least, I think she's reading) gives a shit about hockey, and I already talked to her about all this last night (and during the game). So for her benefit, I submit this awesome shot, plus a nice summary with a better shot of Fleury kissing the ice (which I still feel really, really bad about. Don’t laugh at the poor kid! Let’s see you try and run on ice skates through a narrow passage while wearing 80 tons of padding.)

Indi tells me that we almost got the Penguins last year. As much as I’m rooting for them to lose right now, I’d take them as Portland’s hockey team in a heartbeat. JUST SO I COULD GO TO THE GAMES. That would bring the Bolts, the Wings and the Caps to town. *tear* Still, it would be really sad to see Pittsburgh without a team. I would hate to take that away from them.

Oy. What a great night. I sounded a lot like this**, except without the Indi, the crowd and the goal horn. When Lidstrom scored (what should have been) the first goal, I was so excited, I jumped up and somehow knocked my glasses right off my face. I was crawling around on the floor going, ”Help me...I can’t see...” I found them eventually. They’d landed on the couch behind me.

Also, I wouldn’t let anyone eat a cupcake until they watched five minutes of hockey with me. Sis and Homer ended up watching most of the third period. I’m hoping to get my sister addicted so she’ll want to go up to Vancouver with me to see the Canucks play. What? It’s only a five hour drive, and we can stop by the Supernatural set on the way home. Stop by, sneak in. What’s the difference?

Floor hockey was my favorite part of high school, even though I fucking hated high school with the white-hot fire of a thousand suns. We didn't get to play that often, but when we did, look out. Maybe I was taking out my frustration on the other girls (*cough*theydeservedit*cough*), but I dished out quite a few bruises in my day. I'm sure I scored a goal or two, but all I remember is not wearing any padding and having sore shins for a week.

**Tampa, Florida - February 27th 2008: My second hockey game. (The Bolts vs the Minnesota Wild.) Called in a voice post to my Live Journal. The Bolts lost again, but it was still fun. Anything goes, way up in the nosebleeds. And apparently I talk funny.

Week 3, Day 2

2008-05-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

The weather gods are in a good mood. It’s supposed to rain today, but I just got back from running and it was 57°F. Sunny, windy and gorgeous.

The brain cell gods were not in a good mood, as was evident when I got down to the track for my warm up and realized I’d left my running shoes at home. Had to drive back home and change. My sister accidentally broke my clip-on sunglasses, and I left my regular ones at her house, so I was forced to use my mom’s baseball hat to keep the sun out of my eyes. Unfortunately, not only did the hat proudly display the name of the local senior center, but (except for the bill) it was made entirely out of black velvet.

The first 90 second run was easy. First three minute run was fairly easy. Second 90 second run was easy. Second three minute run just about done me in. I blame the hat. It’s okay, though; I wasn’t expecting Day 2 to go as well as Day 1. I’m still jazzed and looking forward to Day 3 on Tuesday! Looks like it’s going to be pushing 70 with no rain. Niiiiice.

For breakfast this morning I had some soy yogurt with ground flax seed and a hand full of grapes. I haven’t had lunch yet, but I ate an orange a few minutes ago, and now I'm off to do aerobic and lower body. Can I just say how much I enjoy having muscles? What I don’t enjoy is having them concealed under a mountain of fat. It’s frustrating. I wish I could be fit overnight, but I know I’ve got a long road ahead of me and it can be disheartening at times. 99% of this is diet. I’m not eating as well as I should be. Last week when it was 100°? I had half a pint of ice cream for LUNCH. One of the good things about summer (if you don’t have frozen delectables lurking in your ice box) is that I never feel like eating. Normally, I have so much anxiety, I can’t stop thinking about my next meal, but once the mercury starts skyrocketing, I can’t be bothered. All I really want is fruit and water. And bubble tea.

Anyway, I’ve been doing the Tonly Little strength training DVDs for about four or five weeks now. Though I’m seeing better results from him, I don’t want my body to get used to the routine, so I think it’s time to switch things up again. I’ll probably just go back to my Karen Voight routine (but add way more reps) or find something new. Also, a couple of weeks ago, I was poking around the Runners World website and came across a video of pre-run yoga poses. I thought that sounded promising, you know? Anything to help boost my performance. Then I watched the video and holy twig how does she DO that??

I was stretching after my workout yesterday and managed to twist myself into a slightly modified version of the pigeon pose and it wasn’t too bad. I think incorporating some yoga into my weekly routine would really benefit me at this point. I just suck at it. I use my fatness as an excuse, but I’ve been told numerous times that it’s entirely possible to do yoga when you’re overweight. I have yet to see evidence of that, but I’ve lost quite a bit of weight now and might find things different these days. I’ll keep you posted.

I’m a bit tired right now, as I was up until 1 a.m. working on my Super-Secret Stanley Cup Dessert Project. The baking part came out (almost) perfectly, but the other part, I’m not sure if it would qualify as a launch problem or a design problem, but I had to scrap my plans and improvise. I’ve banned everyone from eating them until after the first octopus hits the ice tonight. LET’S GO, RED WINGS!

Quote of the day:

“The hockey gods are smiling so wide, we can count their missing teeth.”
---NBC announcer guy on the Red Wings/Penguins finals matchup.

Very important: tomorrow is May 25th. Don't forget to bring a towel.

See you this Tuesday!

Week 3, Day 1

2008-05-22T12:06:00.000-07:00

You can’t see the challenge of this I suppose,
but time is a dare and I’m trying to

I did it! Bye bye, Week 2. It’s been nice knowing you. I have now commenced with the kicking of Week 3’s ass.

I’m not gonna lie to you people. It wasn’t easy. I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Let me start at the beginning.

I fairly leapt out of bed this morning, so excited was I to start Week 3. I inhaled some grapes, washed my face, got dressed and left the house at a little before 9 a.m. It wasn’t track time yet; first I had to go to the compounders to pick up some meds for Benduka. Ben is my FLUTD cat that I mentioned in the previous entry. He’s back home and doing well, but needs some meds to keep him from getting reblocked. So I picked up the meds, went to my sister’s house, gave him all the medicine he needed for the morning, fed and medicated the rest of the animals and then went back home. Ate an orange, brushed my teeth, then headed down to the track.

It was 52°F, overcast and windy. Perfect day for a brand new run.

Naturally, the 90 second run (and walk) was no big deal, but nervousness about the three minute run made those 90 seconds fly right by. The next thing I knew, I was plodding along. And kept plodding ... and plodding ... and plodding ... and holy shit, I didn’t feel like I wanted to die. When the three minutes ended, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I knew I still had another round to go, but I didn’t care. I’d just run for longer than one minute for the first time in 20 years. Even if I couldn’t finish the rest of the run, I’d still won.

I’m happy to report that I did finish. The second 90 second run/walk was a little taxing, and the second three minute run wasn’t as easy as the first, but I made it all the way through without wanting to collapse at the end. In fact, I was so jazzed, I had a hard time slowing down for the cool down walk. I had to keep reminding myself to take it easy. I suppose listening to Mott the Hoople wasn’t helping.

Won’t you roll away the stone
Why be cold and so alone
Won’t you roll away the stone
Don’t you let it die

So I did it! And I can’t wait for Saturday so I can do it again! It might rain but WHO CARES?

I’m so happy right now.

I had a post-run smoothie for lunch because I wanted to make sure and get my flax seeds for the day. I’ll probably have some tofu and sauteed spinach/garlic for lunch. Right now, I’m going to do aerobic and lower body strength training.

See you Saturday. Just in time for GAME 1 OF THE CUP FINAL!!!!!!!! Woohooooo! I hope Chelios and Franzen will be able to play.

Week 2, Day 18 (revisited)

2008-05-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Perfect day for a run. 53°F, mostly cloudy, windy. NOT HOT AT ALL. The forecast is for rain today and tomorrow, but when I saw the sun doing it’s best to beat the clouds, I put on my running gear and drove down to the track.

I was feeling pretty good at the start of it, but by the third interval, I felt pretty run down. Usually I push through with the fourth interval, but today I only felt good during the fifth interval. When the sixth came around, I felt really heavy. Maybe it was that bowl of Cocoa Pebbles I had for breakfast (badbadbadbadbad).

Maybe a lot of my problem is boredom? I’m 95% sure I’m going to try W3D1 on Thursday:

Brisk five-minute warm up walk, then do two repetitions of the following:
Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

I need to go out and get some good running shorts first. I usually wear these cheap, blue (ugly) shorts my mom got me from Bi-Mart last year. Bleh. I’m hoping I can find something suitable at Goodwill.

I’ve just eaten an orange and a bunch of grapes, and now I’m going to warm up again and do my lower body workout. I was going to do 20 minutes of aerobics, too, but I have to go to the library later, and I figure I’ll just swing by my sister’s on the way back and bully her into taking the dogs for a walk with me. The other day we walked them for an hour. Tank passed out when we got home. I’m glad he’s getting exercise, but it breaks my heart to see old age catching up with him. Speaking of old, here he is with Freddie. This is the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning (click to enlarge):

I didn’t work out at all yesterday; we had an animal emergency and had to rush our cat, Ben, to Dove Lewis. (Urinary blockages in male cats can be fatal.) My whole day was fucked up after that, so I just took it easy and tried not to freak out. I knew he would be okay, but when you’ve got panic disorder, little things are big things and big things are catastrophies. They’re going to pull his (urinary) catheter today, and if he has no problem urinating, we can bring him home.

In happier news, THE RED WINGS ARE IN THE CUP FINALS!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck you, Dallas. HAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! I can’t wait for Saturday. With everything going on yesterday, I completely forgot about the game (Chelios was out. Grim!). I caught the previous game, though, and though Franzen was still out, I was happy to see them playing some of the other guys. I get a big kick out of Rafalski, too. And not just because he's from Dearborn. We're the same age! See, you're never too old to play hockey.

Anyway. See you on Thursday.

Week 2, Day 17 (revisited)

2008-05-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

I didn’t get up early enough yesterday to beat the heat, so I skipped my run and did my upper body workout. Even that was torture. It was in the 90s for two days in a row. Friday it hit 100. I went outside for two minutes to water my plants and came back inside dripping with sweat. All the baking chocolate in the house melted. I had to stick it in the fridge so now I have a couple bags of chocolate bricks. I’ll have to have my brother-in-law come up and put the AC in the kitchen window again. I’d do it, but I’m very small and the AC is very heavy and a move like that could kill me.

Anyway. It was 75°F by the time I got down to the track this morning. It wasn’t too bad at first; there was a slight breeze blowing off and on. By the time I got to the third interval, I was drenched and wishing I was running towards a large body of cold water. If I hadn’t been so overheated, I think I might have been a little bored with the run. I think maybe this week I might try Week 3. It’s going to be in the 60s, so woohoo.

To sum up: nothing to report except that I need to get my ass out on the track at the first sparrow’s fart if I don’t want to die from heatstroke.

For breakfast this morning I had a couple slices of fresh pineapple. I’ve hated pineapple my whole life, but suddenly ... I don’t. It’s not my favorite fruit in the world, but it’s all I had available so I ate it. Craving vitamin C, I guess. Haven’t had lunch yet but it’ll probably be a bean burrito or something.

I keep having dreams about the U.P. I haven’t been there in...nine years, but I miss it terribly. The first time I went was 1996 with my then-boyfriend, his niece, his older brother and his girlfriend. It was a memorable occassion for me because it was the one and only time we ever went on a trip together. I won’t get into that, but suffice it to say, I fell in love with the place. I never realized until I started looking at the atlas, how much area we covered on that trip. We left Chicago and drove all the way up through Michigan. I remember being excited about this because my birth mother lived in Saginaw at the time. (I ended up meeting her almost exactly one year later.) We stopped in Marquette to get gas, if memory serves. We camped in the Ottawa National Forest (specifically, Sylvania, near Loon Lake), but we spent a lot of time in the Porkies. I’ve got a picture of me and the niece with Lake of the Clouds in the background. We went to Iron Mountain and Ironwood. And then there was the Presque Isle River. We did most of our hiking there. Did a lot of swimming, too. Got leeches stuck to our toes. We stopped at Manabezho, Nawadaha and Manido Falls, which were gorgeous. At Manido, you can walk pretty far out onto the rocks and get close to the water. There was a big, swinging bridge at one point. I pretty much ran across it both ways. Bridges make me nervous. Helloooo, Lake Superior! As a Midwesterner, I’m ashamed to say I’ve only seen three of the five Great Lakes. One night, we all went out by the lake and lay in a circle and watched the most amazing meteor shower I've ever seen. The sky up there is so clear, I can't even describe it. It's unbelievable.

The next time I saw the U.P. was three years later. Different boyfriend this time around, and we stayed at his family’s cabin on Oxbow Lake (in Wisconsin) rather than camping in the forest. And I had Tank with me, too. Funnily enough, we ended up going to Presque Isle and walking across the same damn bridge.

Hey, why don’t I shut up? I guess I just really miss the Midwest. The PacNW is beautiful, but the people here are different. Portland doesn't have that "home" feel to it. No block parties, no illegally turning on fire hydrants in the summer. Now that I’m (kind of) over my fear of flying, I’d like to fly back to Chicago and visit. I’m also planning on flying out to Pittsburgh in the Fall to visit my BFF (picture taken when she was 11 and I was 13. She’s on the left. This was the last time I was taller than her.) Either that or she’s coming out here. I told my sister that we should take a trip to the U.P. I really, really want to go to the Boundary Waters in Minnesota, too. And while I’m there, stop in to see the wolf center. My friend, Hillbilly Mike went up there a lot and he never shut up about it. Paddling around in his canoe. I don’t think he camped, he just slept in his car. I’ve been wanting to go for over ten years now.

Anyway. I’m going to my friend’s softball game in a couple of hours, so I’d better get my ass in gear.

Week 2, Day 16 (revisited)

2008-05-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm updating from my sister's house. She needed her car again, so here I am. Got up at 8:00, but I still didn't have time to run, so I brought my gear with and ran while Sis was out. I left at around 11:20 and got back at noon. It's pushing 80 out there, and before I left, I started thinking maybe I'd put the run off until this evening. But then I thought about how I had a long day ahead of me and knew that if I didn't run now, I probably wouldn't want to later.

So I ran.

Nothing remarkable to report. I felt pretty good, despite the heat. No dogs tried to eat me. No semis or school buses tried to run me over. Said hello to some horses and a mule. Recovery time was good, and I was pretty solid for each interval. I might give Week 3 a try next week. I'll see how I feel. If I can't do it, I'll go back to Week 2. If I may quote McMurphy from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:

I tried, didn't I? Goddamnit, at least I did that.

Week 2, Day 15 (revisited)

2008-05-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

Hey, guess what? I ran today. Tonight, actually. My car is on the verge of joining the choir invisible, so my sister has loaned me hers. Unfortunately, she needed to pick up some Old Animal Supplies from the vet today, so I went and picked it up for her. I brought all my running gear with me, even though my heart wasn’t in it.

When I got to my sister’s house, we played GTA IV for a little while, then she flipped on You Are What You Eat, and the more I saw the more uncomfortable I got. I didn’t want to run, but I had to. It was close to 7 p.m., but I didn’t care. I put on my running clothes, strapped on my iPod and headed out the door. Grubs would have come with, but she only got a couple hours of sleep last night, so I let her off the hook.

It was really nice out, 53°F. Mostly cloudy, a little bit windy. I was wearing a long sleeved tee shirt, which I regretted once I got going. The run went really well. I was pretty ragged by the third interval, but I knew I’d feel better at the fourth. And I did. The same white car drove past me about four times, which was really weird. I had my pocket knife with me, though, so I felt safe enough. My sister’s neighbor’s dog ran out and almost attacked me. That was fun. On the other side of the loop, two more dogs ran at me. Also fun.

Anyway, the run went by really fast, mostly because I was thinking about how I was going to have to shoot past my sister’s street (it’s a big loop) and keep going straight for the sixth run and then head back the other way for the cool down. Before I knew it, I was walking back to my sister’s house. I think I did pretty well, considering what a shitty day I had. I feel stronger these days.

I’ve been doing the Self Challenge for nine weeks now. My accomplisments (losses) so far:

Weight: 10 pounds
Waist: 3 inches
Hips: 2 inches
Thighs: 2 inches
Chest: 3 (maybe 4) inches

I have worked out for 3,555 minutes and burned 19,153 calories. I am also now at a weight that I haven’t seen in about seven years. I hate to toot my own horn, but I’m kinda badass.

For breakfast I had a tastes-like-feet Whole Food Energy Bar (10g of raw protein. Berry flavor, my ass). For lunch I had pasta with veggie sah-sidge and a spinach salad. For dinner ... holy shit. I haven’t eaten dinner yet. Er. Tomato soup?

I stole some tofu from my sister, so I’ll be having a lot of tofu scrambler tomorrow. I’m addicted to it. Wrapped up in a tortilla. Woah boy.

It’s going to be pushing 90° on Thursday, so you can bet your ass I’m going to be out on that track bright and early.

And so, I’ll see you in two days.

(Game Four in 20 hours, 47 minutes, 24 seconds!)

Time of no reply

2008-05-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not much in the mood to run. My dad died eighteen years ago today. He was a good man. Sometimes it seems like he was just a dream, but I can still remember his laugh and how he always smelled like Ultra Brite and shaving cream in the morning.

Dad and his dad.

Dad. Probably drunk. Really drunk. Sometime before he went to Viet Nam.

So handsome.

Evanston, Illinois 1968. (Note the large amount of snow and yet, Dad isn’t really bundled up. Midwest machines never break.) Six years later, Mom and Dad adopted me and my sister and brought us home from Michigan. We lived in this apartment building on Howard and Western, which was owned by my mom's parents. Mom and Dad managed the place.

My mom’s relative’s cottage in Michigan. They used to own the Schicks Motel in Coloma. (They sold it many years ago now.) One time we went there, Grubs and I must’ve been around ten or 11; we didn’t stay in one of the cottages, but the motel was pretty nice. There was a big swing overlooking the water (Paw Paw Lake). A ramp led down to the beach and there was a floating wooden dock a couple yards out. Grubs and I found a box of toys in a shed and inside was a big plastic Jaws and after we found him we were afraid to go in the water. One night, Dad challenged me and my sister to a race. Whoever could run down to the water and back first would get a dollar. The deal was, we had to dip our shoes in the water to prove we’d actually gone all the way down the beach. Grubs won, but the next morning our shoes were still soaking wet. Boy were we pissed. But my dad walked us down the road a bit to an old-time ice cream parlor (they sold regular food, too) called the Sugar Shack. There was a ledge all around the ceiling and a train ran along the tracks. Then we went to Deer Forest and got mad when our parents wouldn’t buy us peacock feathers. A little while later we found some just lying on the ground. SCORE! (Incidentally, this is more like what Deer Forest looked like the last time I was there.)

The photo is actually a reprint I made in high school. The assignment was to bring in a b&w photo, make a negative from it and then do a reprint. This one’s a bit washed out, but I couldn’t find the better ones. I got an A on the assignment, by the way.

Evanston again. Let’s take the babies out and tar the parking lot!

Dad and me. I still sleep like that.

Seriously reconsidering this whole adoption thing. Circa 1979.

Mom and Dad. They’re happy because neither one of them has yet to think adopting twins might be a good idea.

Dad was a small man, but he was strong... (Fun fact: Dad and his three brothers used to hop onto the back of the 'el, ride it into the north side and pick fights with the rich kids. They always won. My uncle Jack told me that story right after he punched the window out of my boyfriend's 1970 Cutlass.)

Brookfield Zoo
Chicago, IL circa 1975 or ‘76.

Dad and Grubs (and Peanuts). That’s my bed set now!

Dad and Grubs again.
Warning: Baby!Grubs contains tryptophan.

Dad and me at the grandparents’ house in Florida. Don’t worry, I was only trapped under the chair for a couple of hours.

To the faithful departed and those left behind, there is a light that never dies.

Maybe I should apologize for clogging my running journal with photos of my family, but the way I see it is running is part of my life and if I'm grieving on a run day, why the hell not post about it? It's certainly cheaper than therapy.

One thing I will say about my dad and running: When I was 15 and had my leg operation, my dad was adamant about me doing my physical therapy exercises everyday. I started out in a wheelchair, upgraded to a walker. It was important that I walk as much as possible in order to help strengthen my broken bones. Eventually I moved up to crutches and by the end of it all, I was walking on my own. This is something I will never forget: five months after my dad died, Mom and I went to a Halloween party at my Auntie Reenie's house. I was huddled in a corner by myself when Reenie found me. She sat down next to me, tucked my hair behind my ear (which is exactly what my Auntie Mickey did the day my dad died) and patted the brace on my leg. She smiled and said, "When you were in the hospital, and after you got out, your dad would ride his bike over to my house and tell me how proud he was of you for doing this. He said you were so brave, braver than him. And he said to me, 'Reenie, I'm going to get that girl walking again if it's the last thing I do.'"

I did walk again, with only a slight loss of range-of-motion in my right ankle. And now I'm running. I think that would have made him happy.

Love you, Dad. Miss you everyday.

Moms

2008-05-11T15:29:00.000-07:00

Just posting to say Happy Mother’s Day to the moms out there. My own dear mother is still sick, so I’m thinking about making her some vampire stew.

Have a good one.

I've got a tombstone hand and a graveyard mind

2008-05-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

Didn't run today. Sick. Don't worry, there's good news: The pain in my ribs isn't so bad it makes me want to die, and the Red Wings won again. I hope the Mule is back to his kick ass, non-concussed self by Monday, though.

Gonna go make some soup and watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Ah, Juicy Fruit.

Week 2, Day 14 (revisited)

2008-05-08T17:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I decided I wasn’t going to run today. Then I was driving home when all of a sudden, a monster storm broke out and a pyroclastic flow started rushing down the mountain towards me. I abandoned my car, ran into the open garage of a nearby house and waited until all hell stopped breaking loose. When the flow stopped, I walked back to the road and looked out over the valley to see the sky pitch black with at least six tornadoes wreaking havoc on the countryside below me. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve seen in a dream. There's a Native American legend where (basically) if you see the dead man walking in a (multiple vortice) tornado, it means you're going to die. Totally not freaked out at all.

I know the dream was brought on by the insane volcanic eruption in Chile last Friday. I heard about it last night and became concerned because my cousin is on a big bike trek in that area, and he hasn’t updated his travel ~~blog~~ journal since the 30th (two days before the eruption). I’m going to have my mom call my aunt today; hopefully somebody’s heard from him.

So I woke up in a weird mood. Not to mention I was nervous about today’s run because (since last night) I have been suffering from what I now refer to as a V.C. Andrews-related G.I. upset. (I knew Petals on the Wind was going to be a bad read, but I checked it out of the library anyway. STUPID.) As I’ve mentioned, there are no port-o-potties over by the track, so if worse came to worst, I would literally be shit out of luck.

...moving on...

My knees have been on the verge of bothering me lately, so I made sure to have my flax seed smoothie for breakfast this morning. Pre-run I had a handful of almonds and raisins (mostly so I could take some acidophilus). For lunch I had some minestrone soup. I’m not feeling very well, and I don’t have much of an appetite. Bleh.

When I got down to the track, it was a lovely 53°F, overcast with a bit of wind coming in from the West. I was a little chilly in my tank top, but I knew I’d warm up once I got to the running intervals.

Today went very well. The heaviness is gone, and I felt pretty damn good. Usually by the third run I feel like I want to die, but today it wasn’t too bad. When I got to the fourth run, I felt amazing, like I could keep running forever. I left the track feeling very accomplished and happy. I went home and did my lower body workout and now I’m getting ready to go to the library. I’ve got to drop Tank off at my sister’s on the way, so I can head back over there to watch TV. She’s got cable ---> Versus -----> Hockey!!!! Western Conference finals. I’m so excited/nervous. Let’s go, Red Wings! (Yes, I’ve got my lucky red shirt on. Still haven’t washed it.)

See you on Saturday.

P.S. It started raining as I was walking back to my car. Perfect timing!

Week 2, Day 13 (revisited)

2008-05-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

You can say the sun is shining if you really want to
I can see the moon and it seems so clear
You can take the road that takes you to the stars now
I can take a road that’ll see me through
I can take a road that’ll see me through

56°F today. Overcast. Kinda breezy. That sunshine was nice while it lasted! I kid. I actually went to bed relatively early last night and got up earlier than I have in quite some time. I felt refreshed when I climbed out of bed, too. Usually I’m groggy and stumbling.

I had planned on running before I took my mom swimming, but yeah. I farted around after breakfast (tofu scramble and a banana) and suddenly, it was time to leave. Oops? The good news is, my ribs feel better. The pain is still there, lurking, but I was able to actually swim today. I’ve been taking ibuprofen every eight hours, and I think that has given my muscles a chance to relax. I’m still going to try for Free Day on Thursday, though.

After swimming, Mom and I ate at a deli in town (because, surprise, she had a coupon). After scoping the menu and finding nothing I could eat (shocker!), my mom asked the waitress if they had any vegan options. Her response? ”Oh, sure! We have a veggie omelet and we have grilled cheese, oh and we have shrimp salad.”

Ohhhh! Shrimp salad! Shrimp is my FAVORITE VEGETABLE.

Deep breath. In with the good, out with the bad.

I ordered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My mom felt really bad about it, but I didn’t mind. There was a garden burger, but those aren’t vegan, either. Blah blah blah, had lunch, ran some errands, came home. Changed into my running gear and headed down to the track. Nobody but me there today. Woohoo!

Nothing spectacular to report. The run was good. I felt pretty good, but by the third run, I was back to feeling like I couldn’t make it through another three intervals. And I was getting kind of frustrated as I ran. I was thinking about how long I’ve been on Week 2 and how it doesn’t seem like I’ll ever get to Week 3. I fully admit Week 3 intimidates me, but at the same time I’m eager to get in there and try it out. I don’t want to push myself, but I also really don’t want to try and fail.

Anyway, after I plodded through the fourth interval, things got better.

Came home and stretched and in a little while I’ll do aerobics and my lower body workout.

I was thinking about last week and how I had such a tough time. I blamed it on PMS, but I think a lot of it was just plain old self-sabotage. I’m one pound away from losing almost 30 lbs. I think a big reason why I’m fat is because I like to be invisible. Nobody pays attention to the fat chick. I was traumatized enough as a child and a teen to come to believe that flying under the radar is necessary for survival. I can keep saying, “I’ll do this and that and accomplish so much once I’m fit and healthy,” but if I keep going on like this, one day I’m going to wake up and realize that I ran my excuses off at the track. And then what? I guess anything is possible after that, right? I’ve never believed that I deserved anything good in my life. Over the years I came to understand that good things only happen to other people, and all I had was this big empty space where hope should be.

But now my clothes don’t fit and I’m not in pain anymore. Something good is happening to me and I’m afraid that it won’t last. So what do I do? I backslide. Get back into old habits and stop working out. Depressed and miserable is the status quo, everything’s fine. If I stay like this, I won't have to actually go out and get a life.

So this weekend I did a lot of thinking about how miserable and lost I’ve felt this past week or so. Granted, I did take some time off because I was in an incredible amount of pain, but there were some days I felt good enough to get a little exercise but didn’t bother. I thought about thirty pounds and what a big deal that was, but I focused on the positive. Not about all the things I feel I’ll have to force myself to do, but about how hard I’ve worked to get this far and how proud I should be. I’m healthier, I feel better, I probably look better. Why would I want to throw all that away?

I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m getting there. I guess we all have our ups and downs. Last week was a big downer, but this week I’m on my way up again. And I really need to call my therapist. Anybody got $50 they can loan me?

I’ll end this on a happy note: Maple Pecan Bread! It’s a test recipe; I had two slices and gave the rest to my family. Proud of me?

Week 2, Day 12 (revisited)

2008-05-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

Ran today. Not much to report. It was 60°F, sunny, bit of a breeze. Perfect for running. Tank top and shorts weather. Woohoo! (Don't forget the sunblock, kids.) When I got to the track, two guys were there playing with their dogs. (I think it’s a law in Oregon that you have to have Labrador Retrievers. That’s all anybody has around here. Yellow. Black. Chocolate. One or the other, all three, two of each, etc.)

Thankfully, the dudes and their dogs left before I was done with my warm up walk. The runs were pretty easy and recovery was quicker than ever. It’s just that I still feel really heavy. Sluggish. Blehhhh. I’m going to be a chick and blame it on PMS. I’ve been eating like crap and stuffing my face all week.

My calves didn’t burn at all while I ran, either. I think I would have felt a lot better during the whole thing if my horrendous rib pain hadn’t come back. I’m more than a little concerned about it, so this week I’m definitely going to the Free Day at the local hospital. They take emergency cases first, but I really don’t have any other options. I’m having trouble sleeping and I can’t take deep breaths. Could I seriously have somehow broken a rib? I can’t think of what else could cause this kind of pain.

Anyway. The run went pretty well, all things considered. The weather promises to be absolutely gorgeous this entire week, so it’s back to my regularly scheduled programming (Tues, Thurs, Saturday runs).

For breakfast this morning I had a berry flavored Whole Food Energy Bar. I stole them from my sister a couple of days ago. They kind of taste like feet, but oh well. I gotta eat something. No idea what I'm doing for lunch or dinner.

See you on Tuesday.

Week 2, Day 11 (revisited)

2008-05-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

I know I'm better than before
I will not be reconstructed
Just wanna stay right here
On the sunny side of the street

It’s supposed to rain today, but so far? No rain! And now that it’s warming up, I can get down to the track earlier. Not early enough, apparently. Right after I started the warm up walk, a man passed me from out of nowhere, scaring the mess out of me. It was pushing sixty out there and the guy was wearing jeans, work boots, a black sweatshirt and battered leather utility gloves.

Shit, I thought. I always knew I was going to die on this track.

I slowed down to let him pass me. You know, so I could keep an eye on him. Once I got to the other side of the track, a woman showed up with her Golden Retriever. Safety in numbers, folks. With three of us on the track, nobody’s killing anybody without having a pesky witness to intercept.

I had my pocketknife with me, so that helped, too.

Incidentally, this is the same Golden Retriever I met on the track last year, only back then he was a little bitty puppy. They grow so fast!

Anyway. It was 59°F when I got down to the track. Nice and sunny, a little bit of wind. Absolutely scrumptious running weather. So you’d think I’d have a good run, right? Meh. It was okay. I felt really, really heavy again, but I’ll be getting my period next week (sorry, guys) so maybe that had something to do with it.

I felt really good the entire run, though right around the fourth interval, I started to feel a little haggard. I woke up this morning feeling like I was coming down with a cold, but it was probably just allergies. A lot of it was mental, too. I had a lot on my mind, thinking about everything I need to do today, and I just felt really overwhelmed.

The weird thing is, it felt hard and easy at the same time. Towards the end of the last few intervals, I kept thinking, Is it over yet?? but at the same time, I felt like ... I don’t know how to describe it. I felt like I was running. Not just plodding along, but full-on running.

Weird.

Anyway, thank gad for good weather. And for hockey! Oh my gaaahd, last night’s Red Wings game was awesome. (Franzen’s a KILLER!) They shamed Colorado with their own lawn. I’m hoping they end up playing Dallas in the Western Conference finals. Why? Because I have an irrational, all-consuming hatred for all things Dallas. It started with the Cowboys and now includes the Stars (with the exception of Richards and Holmqvist). To be fair to the Cowboys, I don’t hate them nearly as much as I hate Greenbay.

Food-wise:

I’m ashamed to say, I had a bowl of Cocoa Crispies for breakfast. The shame doesn’t stop there, though. I bought the cereal because I wanted the Indiana Jones Adventure Spoon. Don’t judge me.

For lunch I’m planning on a chick’n wrap with lettuce tomatoes and salsa. Why not throw in a big salad as well? Dinner’s up in the air, but I might make lasagna this weekend. I got some Teese burnin’ a hole in my fridge! I’m also going to try my hand at some maple pecan bread. It’s a test recipe for a cookbook, so I’ll have to try one tiny little slice. The rest I can pawn off on my unsuspecting family.

See you again on Sunday.

(Tank says hi.)

Week 2, Day 10 (revisited)

2008-04-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I’m a day off. I decided to hold off on the workouts for a few days in the hopes that my muscles might relax and quit making me want to die. I ran last Saturday but didn’t do any aerobic or strength training at all until today.

Yesterday I dragged my ass out of bed bright and early and took my mom swimming. I wasn’t in the mood and really didn’t want to, but I figured the warm water (of the smaller pool where the elderly folk do their water aerobics) would be good for my muscles. Turns out I couldn’t even do the breast stroke. Excruciating pain in my ribs and back. So I basically just walked the laps back and forth and moved my arms around in the water. 45 minutes later, the pain was still present, though it had lessened a good deal. On the plus side, the cute lifeguard guy was out back power washing the patio furniture, so I at least had something interesting to watch while I “swam.”

After swimming, I soaked for 15 minutes in the hot tub with one of the jets aimed at my sore spots.

This morning was the first time in almost a month that I woke up pain-free. I can take a deep breath without doubling over in pain. Guess I did something right.

So today I did my 20 minutes of aerobics and Tony Little’s lower body workout, then headed over to my sister’s. We had planned on going to the gym, but I ended up just running around the block. It was around 47° out there, mostly sunny and very windy. Recovery was quick and the runs weren’t too bad. Had a bit of a hiccup when I went to turn my iPod down and accidentally messed up the podcast. I couldn’t remember which run I was on, so long story short, I ended up running an extra interval. The only reason I know is because I’m usually done with the sixth run right before I get to my sister’s street. This time I ended up going straight and then turning around when the sixth run was over, turning left and walking back to my sister’s house for the cool down.

When I got back to Sis’s house, I went into the office to talk to her while I stretched and then badgered her into taking the dogs for a walk. So I got lots of outdoorsy exercise today. As I type this, I am very pleasantly sleepy. Tomorrow I will do my aerobics again and see how I feel about my upper body/ab workout. I’m trying to be vigilant about taking ibuprofen every eight hours, and I think that has helped out a lot. But if I feel twingy tomorrow, I won’t push it. I’ll just take Tank for a walk down the mountain instead.

So there we go! I’ll run again on Friday and Sunday. Looks like rain for Friday but it’s going to be pushing 60° so no biggie.

Food-wise, I had a smoothie with ground flax seeds for breakfast, a Tofu Pup and a huge salad for lunch and for dinner I'm trying out some soup with these Soy Curls. Never had 'em before. Hope they're good.

Before I go, here are some pictures to brighten up your horrible, boring lives. (Sarcasm! <3)

Week 2, Day 9 (revisited)

2008-04-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

As of today, I've "run" 40 miles since starting the Couch-to-5k program last June. Go me?

Not much to report for today’s run. It’s gorrrrrgeous outside: 57°F, partly cloudy, just enough wind to keep me pretty damn comfortable out there on the track. And I had the whole place to myself. Church was in session, which meant the entire population (of 200) was in attendance. Except for the guy up on the hill mowing his field.

I had on a tank top and my running pants, so I got plenty of Vitamin D. Gad, it’s good to see and feel the sun again. Especially knowing it’s going to rain (again) for the next three days (again).

Anyway, my recovery time was a lot faster today, but I still felt kind of off. I felt really ... heavy. Bleh. And for some reason, my left eye wouldn’t stop watering. Weird.

For breakfast I had an apple (though technically it was 95% bruise, 5% apple) and some almonds and raisins. I wanted to get this entry in before I shower and scrape up some lunch because I’m going to the tulip fest (with my Holga) today and probably won’t have time to update later. But I just checked my stats at Running Ahead, and hey! I’ve run all three days every week this month! How’d I manage that!?

Week 2, Day 8 (revisited)

2008-04-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

Didn’t feel it at all today. I’m really stressed out and pissed off and I had a lot going on. Just wasn’t in a good place. As soon as I got to the track, I wanted to go home. I was in such a nasty mood and it was, as we like to say in my family, fucking up my chi. But I said to myself, Self? Aside from the Red Wings game at 4:30, what else do you have going for you today?

So I ran. By the third interval, I was done in, but I pushed on. Felt really good for the fourth and fifth runs, and by the sixth I was in a better mood but really looking forward to going home.

It was 50° out there. Pretty windy, overcast. It was drizzling during my warmup which really didn’t help my mood any. Today really sucked, but the important thing is that, despite everything, I ran.

I haven’t had a chance to go shopping (no money, anyway), so for breakfast I had some sort of energy bar and a glass of rice milk. I used the rice milk in my smoothie yesterday morning because rice isn’t an arthritis trigger (whereas soy is), but it tasted like crap. Really watery. Bleh.

Before running I had a handful of almonds and raisins and now that I’m home, I’m having a “beef” burrito with bell peppers and some pico de gallo. I’m not sure about the combination, but it’s pretty much all I have to work with.

Now I’ve got my red shirt on and I’m all set to cheer on the Red Wings.

See you again on Saturday.

Week 2, Day 7 (revisited)

2008-04-22T14:59:00.001-07:00

I was caught in the middle of a rock 'n roll track
I looked 'round, and I knew there was no turning back
My mind raced and I thought, what could I do?
And I knew there was no help, no help from you

Started out the day with a 45 minute swim at the pool with Mom and Sis. Sis and I originally got into the big pool but were kicked out because that pool doesn’t open until 11:00. So we were banished to the smaller, warmer pool where the old people do their exercises. Sis’s hip has been bothering her, and the horrible pain in my back migrated to my ribs, right under my right breast. So we figured swimming in the warm pool would loosen things up. And it did! For me, anyway. I feel a hundred times better. (Downside: there’s a cute lifeguard that works at the pool and I hate it when he’s there the same time I am. I feel like such a spud.) After swimming we all got into the hot tub for 15 minutes, then showered, dressed and got a bite to eat at the pub. I had a veggie wrap again, but this time I only ate half of it. Had some french fries again but I justified them by dipping them in malt vinegar instead of ketchup. Denial is such a wonderful thing. Oh, and for breakfast I had a Luna Bar. No time for anything else.

I should mention that my sister spent the night last night in order to drive us all to the pool; Mom’s car is dead and gone and mine is being repaired. So Sis drove us home after lunch. I ran inside and changed into my running gear and told her to drive me to the track on her way home. Her last words to me before I got out of the car were, ”I think you’re insane.” My response was, ”I’m pretty sure I am.”

It was 43° and raining pretty steadily, but I was determined to run. I had on my ugly orange shirt, my workout pants, my purple vest and my raincoat. And also my boonie hat, which I put on after I flipped the hood up on my raincoat.

I was all set to go.

Started out really well, but when I got to the third interval, I was pretty well soaked and miserable and felt like I was going to die. By the fourth interval, I was over it and though the fifth and six runs weren’t a walk in the park, I was still feeling pretty good. Instead of doing a full five minute cool down, I simply walked home. I stopped and stretched along the way (and didn’t have my headphones turned on), thank gad. The only thing that sucked was that there’s no shoulder on the road and though the speed limit is 35 (20 for the school zone), folks are always going at least 40 mph. A truck zoomed past me at one point and I’m pretty sure he deliberately drove through a big puddle in order to drench me.

Once I got to the mailboxes (half-mile marker, more or less), I turned on my iPod. The Bee Gees, the Doobie Brothers, Dobie Gray and Nick Drake got me through the hellish walk home.

What. Was. I. Thinking.

I nearly died, but jeebus crispy am I gonna sleep well tonight. When I got home, I resisted the urge to collapse in the front room; instead I peeled off my wet clothes, changed into dry sweat pants and my lucky red shirt and did a lot of stretching.

As of today, I’ve apparently “run” 38 miles. I put run in quotes because 99% of those miles have been walked. But it’s a start. And it’s a lot for someone like me. So here’s me patting myself on the back and giving myself a high five.

Looks like more rain for~~ever~~ the rest of the week, but hopefully I’ll have my car back by Thursday. I don’t mind running in the rain or walking home, as long as I don’t have to do them both on the same damn day.

Oh! And I found out there’s going to be a 5k walk (5/10k run) on Arbor Day! I really want to sign up for it. I can walk three miles for trees! I love trees!

Hockey at 4:00. LET'S GO, CAPS!!!!

Week 2, Day 6 (revisited)

2008-04-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

Told you I was prepared. I just got back from my run. It was 47° and a little breezy. Lots of sun, lots of clouds, perfect day for a run. Too bad I had such a rough time. I was so happy driving down to the track, all set to go. There was a girl doing sprints when I got there, but she left sometime after I started my warm up. The first interval was fine, but I struggled through the rest of them. I blame the gym and the damn treadmill. Makes things too easy. I also felt like I was bogged down. I had on my ugly orange cool wick shirt, a sweat shirt and my fleece vest because the forecast was for snow, and I figured I could take the vest off if I got too warm. By the third run, I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I took the vest off and tossed it in the grass. I felt a little better after that, but it was still more difficult than I expected it to be. Maybe because I haven’t done strength training since Wednesday?

Despite the struggles, I’m incredibly happy I ran today. Here I thought I was only going to get in two runs this week, and I ended up doing all three of them! So happy.

I’m sticking with Week 2 again this coming week, especially since I won’t have a car and will have to walk to the track. It’s supposed to rain on Tuesday, so this oughta be fun.

I ate like crap this morning. Had some leftover potatoes from last night and that's about it. Not sure what I'm doing for lunch or dinner. I made chocolate almond crescent cookies last night (test recipe for a cookbook), and I'm proud of myself for only eating one of them (I had to test them, after all). The rest I'll pawn off on my family. Tomorrow starts week six of the Self Challenge, and I have lost almost ten pounds so far. Very motivating.

And now a quick shower before I watch the Red Wings play the Predators again.

P.S. 20 minutes after I posted this, it started snowing.

Penalty for icing

2008-04-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

It alternated between snowing and hailing all day, so I stayed in and watched the Capitals cream the Flyers on NBC. I believe I’m at least 73% responsible for the win because I was wearing a red shirt and rubbed my cat’s Buddha-sized stomach for luck before the game started. I'll be rooting for the Red Wings tomorrow, but my red shirt is strictly for Caps games only.

It’s supposed to snow again tomorrow, but I’m going to be prepared for a break in the weather. I’m not kicking myself for missing one run this week. My broken left armpit feels much better, but now I’m having spasms in my back. I’ve had a constant, nagging pain on the right side of my back for a couple of weeks now. I attribute it to sleeping on an old futon mattress (and maybe also because of when I got t-boned on my way to work five years ago), and am hoping that once I get my bed moved up here, the pain will go away. It’s just that these past couple of days the pain has been pretty bad.

My mom is upset that she gained weight, so I’ve promised her that next week I’ll start taking her swimming again. I’m looking forward to it more now that I’ve got a new bathing suit. The old one I had was too big on me from the weight I lost last year and my boobs were in constant danger of making a break for it whenever I got into the pool. GRIM! The new one fits properly. It’s ugly as sin, but I don’t care. I just need something to swim in.

I bought the latest Discover magazine today because an article caught my eye: Visit Hog Hell.

Pigs really are dirty -- but only because humans make them that way. Hog farmers crowd animals, dose them with antibiotics, and spray out their drug-tainted feces, wreaking havoc on fields, streams -- and you. ....In the US, hogs produce more than 119 million tons of waste a year.

The Discovery Channel’s website also has an interesting (though short) article on how what you eat affects the environment.

Next time you find yourself standing in the grocery store, agonizing over whether your green conscience permits you to buy the garlic shipped in from China, relax. You’ll do more to reduce the greenhouse gas impact of your diet by taking the ground beef out of your cart .....shifting roughly a quarter of the 240 red meat calories the average American eats a day to ~~chicken~~, grains or fruits and vegetables would have the same effect as going completely local.

You can’t argue with science. You can, however, bare-knuckle box it if it insults your mom.

Week 2, Day 5 (revisited)

2008-04-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

Well, today kinda sucked. I spent all morning/afternoon at my sister's house helping her out with some stuff, so I didn't have time to work out at all. I should also mention that yesterday, I apparently overdid it on the strength training because I ended up pulling a muscle (or two) in my left arm. I'm pretty sure it's the Coracobrachialis. I don't really know what it's called, but thanks go Google, I can act like I know what I'm talking about. To put it simply: I broke my armpit. I iced it off and on yesterday and today it's a little better. To be on the safe side, I'm not going to do anymore strength training this week.

The Caps/Flyers game started at 4:00. I caught the beginning of it and then went to run some errands with my sister. Scored myself some vegan Doritos, by the way. Not the healthiest thing in the world to eat, but it's okay; I mostly got them just for the novelty of having them. I haven't eaten Doritos in ... about 15 years? These are way too spicy for my liking, but I'll give them a nibble every once in a while. Also got some almond meal from Trader Joe's so tomorrow I'll be making some chocolate crescent cookies. Again, not good health-wise, but they're a test recipe for a cookbook, so I'm simply doing my duty as a tester. See how I justify that?

Anyway. When we got back to my sister's house, the Caps were tied with the Flyers and the game went into ~~sudden death~~ overtime. Sis and I then decided it was time to go to the gym. We got there at around 7:30. When we walked in, all the treadmills were being used, but after we changed and came back out, a couple of them had opened up.

Do you know what they had on one of the TVs? Hunting. Who the hell watches hunting when they're working out!? I take my glasses off when I run, so at least I didn't have to see it. I got the third treadmill in, which is good because it's right in front of a big fan.

The run went well. It's weird, though. I always feel awkward and stumbly when I run on a treadmill, but out on the track or on the road, I feel fine. Maybe it's because at the gym, I feel like I have an audience. I'm good at tuning everyone else out, though.

At any rate, I had a good run. This time around I remembered the jog bra and my running shoes.

That's about all I have to say. Treadmill runs are boring.

Looks like rain on Saturday, and I think the news said something about SNOW? I just transplanted all of my sweet peas the other day. Now I gotta worry about snow? And I'm dropping my car off on Monday, so it looks like I'm walking to the track all next week. Last night, I took Tank for a half-walk down the mountain. I was feeling antsy and figured it'd be good for both of us. Tank is almost back to his regular slim self, the bastard. I wish I lost weight as easily as my dog!

Oh, and some guy is coming to till the garden, so yay for homegrown veggies! This'll be my first attempt at gardening. Wish me luck.

P.S. The Caps lost. The game on Saturday will pretty much decide things. Saw a guy wearing a Flyers jersey when I was out today and I wanted to kick him in the head.

Week 2, Day 4 (revisited)

2008-04-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Rain rain raaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiin. BLEH. 42° and crappy out today. Brief patches of sunshine, but none of them long enough to run around in. So it was off to the gym with me. Or so I thought.

I started out the day with a bowl of Breakfast Barley. It’s a recipe I’ve been wanting to try from Foods That Fight Pain, and I finally got around to buying dates and barley yesterday. It calls for rice milk rather than soy, because soy is an arthritis trigger. One of these days I’m going to do the elimination diet just to see how good I feel (or don’t feel). I’m pretty sure I have a wheat allergy.

Anyway. I’ve only ever had (pearl) barley in soup, which I love, so I was looking forward to seeing how it tasted as a breakfast dish. Pretty damn good, as it turns out. The dates added some extra sweetness and the texture was nice. I’m big on texture. Before I ran, I had some almonds and raisins. For lunch I had a big salad and some tortilla chips with FYH melted on top. Not the best lunch, but I was in a rush. I had a billion things to do, but I was determined to run. I went to my sister’s house but didn’t get there in time to go to the gym. (She had work things to attend to.) So while she was busy, I ran around the block. It was overcast and windy, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was run. I put on my baseball hat and headed out. Right before I got to the first run, I realized that not only had I forgotten to bring my jog bra with me, but I’d forgotten to put on my running shoes. So there I was, running in my crappy, two-year old gym shoes.

I could definitely feel the impact more when my feet hit the ground. Probably not good for my knees, but I didn’t have time to turn around and go back to the house since I had less than an hour before I had to drive into town to pick up my mom.

Despite all the setbacks, I actually had a really good run. I took Christie’s advice and got my fair share of protein yesterday, so maybe that had something to do with it. Or maybe it was psychosematic. Either way, I had a blast. The sides of my lower legs burned quite a bit, but I blamed the crappy shoes.

So...yeah. Not a whole lot to say about the run except that it was definitely easier than last time.

I’m taking my car in for repairs tomorrow and have no idea when I’ll get it back. Since I run Thursdays and Saturdays, I’m sort of forked for a ride to the track. Looks like I’m walking! It’ll be a two mile hike, round trip, not including whatever I put in on the track. Two miles is nothing. If you live in Nebraska. My entire walk home will be uphill, probably about a 300 foot elevation. If I don’t lose five pounds this week, I’ll be shocked. Wish me luck.

In other health-related news, I changed my workout this week. For the past month I’ve been doing the strength training workout from a Karen Voight VHS my sister bought many, many years ago, but it was starting to get stale (and I felt like I wasn’t progressing), so I decided to switch to Tony Little’s Fat Free DVDs. I know, I know. Tony Little. But I’ve got a bad back and bad knees and his exercises work really well for me. There are two videos: upper body/abs and lower body. They are each 60 minutes long. Factoring in at least 20 minutes of aerobic, I don’t have time to work out for almost three hours every day. So I’m going to alternate. On run days I will do the lower body workout so that my legs will have the next day to recover while I do upper body and abs.

So far it is working really well. My chest and arms are very sore today, so I know I got a good workout yesterday.

See you again on Thursday!

Picture time!

2008-04-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

Took Tank for a walk around the track (after my run) on Saturday. You can see why I don't like going to the gym. (If you click on the pictures, it'll take you to flickr; you can see them better there.)

Tank was very interested in the dogs playing on the east side of the track.

It's kinda crappy, but it works for me.

Tank and I walked down the mountain again this afternoon. This time it was much easier. None of the pictures I took really show how steep this road is, but here you go:

I'm probably going to the gym on Tuesday. Blech. Hopefully it won't rain on my other run days.

Week 2, Day 3 (revisited)

2008-04-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

I ran in shorts and a tank top today! I can practically taste the vitamin D.

I really should invest in some actual running clothes, though. These thrift store finds aren’t really runner-friendly. That’s right, I called myself a runner. I run, therefore I am a runner. Sure, the longest I can run right now is six sets of 90 seconds, but I’m still running. My sister bought me The Courage to Start yesterday, so now I’m even more pumped up and motivated.

That being said, today’s run was hellish. I blame the “heat.” I should have run early this morning, but I kept putting it off. By the time I got down to the track, it was 74°. Suddenly, I’m not cold anymore. When did that happen?? Next week it’s going to be back in the lower 50’s, so I’m going to enjoy the warmer weather while I can.

Anyway. When I got to the track, church was letting out and there were people all over the parking lot. I could see a group of people standing at the northern end of the track, too, so my anxiety was in high gear. It was so bad that I actually started to back out of my parking spot and go home. I knew I would hate myself later if I chickened out, so I just sat in the car for a minute or two and did some deep breathing exercises. I told myself it didn’t matter that there were other people around; I was there for myself and shouldn’t let anyone stop me from doing something that makes me happy. With that, I got out of my car and walked to the track.

I passed the people at the end of the track during my warm up. They were two couples with dogs. One couple had two standard poodles (one black, one white) and the other couple had an Irish Setter. The Setter couple eventually started walking on the track, and it was really weird because the woman was wearing dress clothes and was walking very, very briskly. The man had on a tie dye shirt and cargo shorts and was wearing hiking boots. Not that any of this matters. Just observations from the track.

I guess you could say I had a bad run today. After the first run, my lateral calves were burning, and while I had better endurance and quicker recovery, the runs still seemed to drag on a long time. I really think it was the people throwing me off, in my mind at least. Social anxiety sucks out loud.

But I finished my run and I did well. I’m definitely doing at least one more week of Week 2. Week 3 terrifies me. How will I ever get there!?

I’m running low on provisions, so I just had some soy yogurt for breakfast (I’m outta flax seeds! GRIM!). For lunch I had a big salad of mustard greens, romaine, radishes, tomatoes and cucumbers, plus a slice of pizza (got some Teese yesterday). Not sure what I’ll have for dinner. Pickings are slim.

I was watching the end of the Iron Man triathlon when I was eating lunch and the guy that came in second had 5% body fat. I know that shit ain’t good for a man. That shit ain’t even good for dead people.

Game two of the Eastern Conference quarter finals (hockey) is going to be on nbc tomorrow morning. I can’t even tell you how excited/happy that makes me. The Caps vs. the Flyers. Let’s go, Caps!

Week 2, Day 2 (revisited)

2008-04-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

It’s 53° and (mostly) sunny out today: TRACK! I conquered Day 2. Okay. I can’t lie to you. It kicked my ass. Tried to, at least. I did my 20 minutes of aerobics and my ab workout, grabbed a handful of almonds and raisins which I ate outside while I walked Tank around the yard, then headed down to the track. There was another woman already there (walking leisurely), decked out entirely in black. Black down jacket, black pants, black knit hat pulled down around her ears, and I’m thinking, It’s almost 60° out here. What’s with Nanook of the North?

Anyway, I ignored her and got down to business. I felt really good going into it, but when I got to the third run, my asthma flared up and I had to take a pull off the old lung sucker. Felt like I was gonna die. I pushed through the fourth run, and by the fifth run I was feeling pretty damn good. When the sixth run came up, I breathed a sigh of relief. More like a pant, but whatever.

Stretched a little, came back home, stretched a lot more and here I sit. I took a quick shower and now it’s time for lunch. For breakfast this morning, I had a smoothie. For lunch I’ll probably have a boca burger on wheat bread and a big salad. Dinner is up in the air.

I got myself a new cloth tape measure so I can keep accurate track of my weight loss/measurements. I’ve noticed something, though. I find I’m becoming more flexible. I’m able to stretch farther than before. It’s cool. I feel so bendy.

I feel like I should have more to say, but I don't. Guess I'll go make some toffee or something.

Week 2, Day 1 (revisited)

2008-04-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Today my sister and I went to the gym and ran on treadmills. It was my first day back at Week 2, and I have to say, it didn't kick my ass. I blame the treadmill. It's easy to run on a treadmill since you're not really propelling yourself forward. I definitely prefer my track, but it's nice to know I've got the gym as back up.

A word on gyms: I hate them. I belonged to 24 Hour Fitness a couple of years ago. My sis and I went semi-regularly. We'd do the weight machines every now and then, but mostly we did about 25 minutes on the ellipticals and then did our cool downs on the treadmills. A couple of times, I got bothered by an employee pushing protein shakes, power bars and personal trainers. The last straw was when I was doing my cool down walk on the treadmill and an employee came over and started telling me I wasn't going to get a workout from walking that slow. When I informed him that I had HAD my workout on the elliptical a few minutes before, he acted like I was lying and kept telling me I should book an appointment with a trainer.

I canceled my membership instead. Hey, there's a fat chick on a treadmill! Let's automatically assume she's fat because she knows NOTHING about exercise and a healthy lifestyle.

So it was with a heavy heart that I joined up again. But I did it to support my sister, so I'm okay with it. And if someone tells me I need a personal trainer, I'm going to tell them a thing or two about fat chicks.

But I digress. This was our first time back at the gym, and for the most part, it was quite painless. We got changed and headed out to the treadmills. I started W2D1 and my sister stuck with Week 1. I guess this would make it Day 2 for her. The funny thing was, this tiny little woman hopped onto the treadmill next to me and immediately jumped into her run. The three of us were all going at the same pace, but the tiny woman was holding onto the bars of the treadmill for dear life. Weirdest thing I've seen all week.

Once we'd both finished our runs and cool downs, we stretched and my sister said she wanted to do 20 minutes on the elliptical. So I joined her. Except things have changed since I was last at this gym. They've got all new ellipticals and THEY SUCK. I've had easier times climbing up onto a horse, and I'm barely five foot one. Even after I turned the elevation and resistance all the way down, it still felt like I was climbing a flight of stairs. And the arms were awkward as well. I managed about 18 minutes on the damn thing before my right foot fell asleep and my sister said, "&$% these things, let's cool down on the treadmills."

So we did. All in all, we worked out for an entire hour. Not bad for a couple of fat chicks.

Here is where I would like to talk about what I did yesterday. Yesterday was my strength training day, so I did that along with my 20 minutes of aerobics. Afterwards, I had to take my mom on some errands and we decided to grab lunch at a pub near the university (because she had a coupon). I ordered the veggie wrap (mixed greens, onions, green pepper, cucumber and hummus wrapped in flat bread). It came with fries. I shouldn't have, but I did eat some of them. By the end of the meal I was feeling pretty gross, so I vowed to take Tank for a walk when I got home. My mom did a double take when I told her. Why? Because I live on a mountain. Not only that, but we're on a dead end. The only road to walk goes right down the mountain.

I used to walk Tank and Luke to the mailbox and back just about every day. The genius of that was, going back, I had a combined total of 140 pounds of dog pulling me up the mountain. These days, it's just me and Tank and the dry twist. Still, I felt gross and knew a walk would make me feel better, plus it's good for Tank. I live in a quiet little down. Hardly any traffic up here. Neighbors come and go once or twice a day. So I'm fine letting Tank off his lead for our walks.

Walking down the mountain bothered my knees quite a bit. I had a brisk walk going (which I guess can't be helped, going downhill); felt like it took me two minutes to get to the mail boxes. The walk back up the mountain was a lot easier on my knees, though my heart and lungs weren't too happy about the adventure. S'good, though. Meant I was getting a good workout. I stopped about halfway up, mostly to catch my breath but also to give Tank a chance to run into the woods after some rabbits.

When I got back home, I was surprised to find it had only taken us 27 minutes for the entire walk. I entered it in at Gmaps Pedometer and it is exactly 0.9604 miles, round trip. I burned 132.92 calories, too. What I find shocking is that the elevation at the mailboxes is around 385 feet. The elevation at my house is a little over 590 feet. That's quite a walk, people. (For me, anyway.) How am I not dead today?? My ass was a little bit sore, but I fully expected to be incapable of climbing out of bed this morning.

Very promising. I'm going to make this a regular outing for me and Tank. Here's an aerial of our route:

Oh, and I’ve come up with a reward for myself. I’m planning on running eight miles on August 8th, but given the way my life seems to turn around and bite me in the ass all the time, I’m willing to forgive myself if I don’t reach that goal on that exact date. So basically, after I run eight miles, I’m going to reward myself. And since I am now a hockey addict, and what’s more, a Slap Shot fanatic, I’m going to buy myself one of these:

That’s right. A Chiefs jersey. Number 18 because Jeff is the king of slot car racing and has a pet brick.

Week 1, Day 4 (revisited)

2008-04-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Many’s the day I took for granted
Breathing the air that silenced some
As the North Wind blew
With its head of thunder
Beating its breast with a war drenched song

Screw the gym - I ran outside today!

I made myself another whole wheat tofu scramble wrap thing for breakfast. Three bites into it, my arm decided it would be fun to knock my breakfast onto the kitchen floor (the same thing happened last week at the Red and Black Cafe, except it was a glass of water). Into the garbage it went, and as I was washing my plate, I noticed the sun was out. Without even thinking twice about it, I ran to my room, changed into my running gear, hopped into the car and drove down to the track.

It was a crisp 46°F, mostly cloudy, wind blowing in from the north (hence the Flogging Molly lyrics). I had on a long sleeved shirt, my fleece vest and a hoodie (plus a baseball hat to keep my head warm/the sun off my face). By the time I got to the fourth run, I had taken the hoodie off and had worked up a nice sweat. That was also when I noticed a battered old red pick up parked in the grass at the north end of the track. Kinda made me nervous, but I’m paranoid like that. I turned my headphones way down until I spotted a guy a few yards away, apparently pulling weeds. Since it was the middle of a field, I thought that was strange, but whatever. I kept going. My asthma was still acting up, but not enough to slow me down.

By the sixth run, a middle-aged man had joined me on the track, and by the eight run so had a woman and her incredibly happy Golden Retriever. I wasn’t too bothered by the company, mostly because we were spaced pretty far apart, and I was finishing up my run anyway.

I pushed myself for the last run, cooled down, did some stretching and then drove home. Had a glass of OJ and then did 20 minutes of yoga stretches. I'm really happy right now. I’ve been reading No Need for Speed, which I got from the library yesterday, and when I woke up this morning, all I could think about was running. And I did it! I ran all three days this week! Next week I’m definitely starting (revisiting) Week 2. It’s supposed to rain on Tuesday, but hopefully I’ll luck out like today and beat the weather.

Now it’s time for laundry and later? Sister Bingo.

P.S. Five minutes after I got home, it started pouring. SCORE!

P.P.S. Sister Bingo was a smashing success.

Rain Delay

2008-04-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

I know, I shouldn't let a little rain stop me. I don't know if it's the change in seasons or what, but I've been having really bad asthma lately. I feel like I've come down with a cold as well, but it could be an allergy flareup. At any rate, I decided not to run today. It wasn't supposed to rain, but it is. However, I do have a gym membership, so tomorrow (since it's going to rain then, too), I'm going to drag my sister to the gym and try running on the treadmills. I have to say, though, I'm not looking forward to it. The thought of running indoors on a treadmill makes me grumpy. I want open skies and fresh air, not iPods and TVs.

My muscles are a bit sore today, which makes me happy. I pushed myself when I did strength training yesterday, so it's nice to know there was a payoff.

I was thinking about running when I went to bed last night, and I remember smiling before I fell asleep. Normally I fall asleep anxious with all my worries and troubles racing through my head. But last night all I was thinking about was getting up bright and early and going down to the track.

Week 1, Day 3 (revisited)

2008-04-03T19:13:00.000-07:00

This week has been hellishly hectic, but I found time to run today (and I haven’t missed any of my workouts). The short of it is, I was at my sister’s house with an hour and a half to kill before I had to take two of the cats in to the vet (one for pre-neuter bloodwork, another for a possible UTI). I decided that my brief bit of spare time would be best spent running. Because I’m smrt, I’d brought along my running gear (stuffed into a stylish paper bag), so I changed into that and headed out.

It was another beautiful day in the PacNW. Probably around 62°, no wind, lots of sun. My sister couldn’t run with me, so I was able to go at my own pace this time around. I didn’t realize how much faster I was than her until I got to my last run and found I was almost back at her house, whereas when we ran the other day, we still had a bit more road left.

The run went well. I’ve been telling myself I don’t really need to revisit Week 1, but today I almost ate that sentiment. It wasn’t hard per se, but I did have some burning in my right lateral calf. The last two times I’ve run, my right shoelace has come untied, and after I stop to fix it, my muscles start screaming. Dead stops are not good!

At any rate, I felt really, really, really, really, really good out there. I prefer my track, if only for the even running surface, but I make do with what I’ve got on ~~hand~~ foot. After I got back to my sister’s house, I stretched briefly and then did my ab workout (with a proper bout of stretching afterwards).

I didn’t have a lot of time today, so for breakfast I had a thing of soy yogurt with a tablespoon of ground flax seed. For lunch, my mom took us to a local Indian restaurant for the buffet. I hate spicy food, and this place is particularly spicy, but I knew my mom was looking forward to it, so I sucked it up. Turns out the food this time around was pretty mild (to my tastes). I took a little bit of some sort of potato dish and some rice and that was about it. I wasn’t feeling full at all when I finished, but I didn’t go back for seconds. Still, I was feeling pretty heavy afterwards, and running helped.

For dinner tonight I had a big salad with tomatoes, cukes and sunflower seeds (with Braggs as dressing) and another whole wheat “chicken” wrap with lettuce and picante sauce and a side of carrots and red peppers.

When I think back to how I felt a month ago as compared to now, it’s awful. Running makes me so happy. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel once I’m up to running for several minutes at a time. And eventually miles! My clothes are fitting better and my sister tells me I look thinner every time she sees me. I’m really trying to encourage her to at least get out and walk every day. After I got back from the vet this afternoon, I suggested we all go for a walk. My mom was there, too, so Sis walked her dog (and then pushed him in his Doggy Ride) and I pushed my mom in her wheelchair while she held onto Tank’s leash. We didn’t walk as far as we normally do, but we all got out and got some sun and exercise, and that’s what matters. What I love about the Self Challenge workout log menu is that “pushing a wheelchair” is one of the options. Ha!

I’m a member of the Couch-to-5k community on Live Journal, and when I got home I read this entry:

I just read this online: ‘The miracle isn’t that I finished, it’s that I had the courage to start.’ ~ John Bingham

It seems like it should be the mantra for anyone who starts the c25k program! It’s kept me motivated.

I went to his website, liked what I saw, and put one of his books on hold at the library. I really like that line: That I had the courage to start. It hit home, today especially since I was really hesitant to get out there. I was feeling really self conscious. I’m used to my little track, tucked away behind a church in a tiny little down surrounded by foothills and forest. At my sister’s house, there are houses and people all around. But I knew that I would hate myself for slacking off, plus there were quite a few things I was pissed off about, and I knew that running would make me feel better. Once I got out on the road, I felt completely confident and happy.

That's all, folks. See you again on Saturday!

Week 1, Day 2 (revisited)

2008-04-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

Totally forgot to post. I'm exhausted.

I ran today! Yesterday I told my sister she was going running with me, so I was hell bent on making that happen. This morning I did my regular 20 minutes of aerobic and then my ab workout. Then I called my sister to see if she was ready to go. I could tell by her tone that she really didn't want to run, but I drove down to her house anyway. We had a few things to take care of first. Sis informed me that two of our three geese had flown out of the yard earlier. One was in the road and the other was in the plant nursery across the street! She got them back into the yard and when I got there, I held them while she clipped their wings. Then we chased Piper off her nest and collected EIGHT of her eggs. The last thing we need is eight goslings to help bring about the Great Goose Apocalypse.

Once we were done with the birds, we took the dogs for a walk, figuring it'd be a good pre-run warm up. We have been taking Sis's dog, Meathead, for acupuncture treatments for the last three weeks, and he is doing amazingly well. We/she walks him for five minutes every day, and when he gets tired, he climbs into his Doggy Ride and cruises while we finish our stroll. My dog Tank walks the entire time, since he's still very able-bodied and also hates anything with wheels. Here's Meatie in his Doggy Ride (with a very happy-to-not-be-in-the-cart Tank):

The Doggy Ride is really an attachment for your bike, but you can also push it like a stroller (for a very large, hairy baby?). My sister and her boyfriend's bikes are trapped behind some boxes in the shed, otherwise we'd be pedaling around Portland with Meathead in tow. (Or even just around the neighborhood.)

Anyway. We walked the dogs for ten minutes, then dropped them off at the house and put on our running shoes. Sis hasn't run in ... I don't know how long. She's never done the Couch-to-5k program consistently, so this wasn't going to be easy for her. I got my iPod going and we set off on the five minute warm up walk. I had the volume up enough so that I could say when to run and when to walk, but low enough so that we could talk.

Usually I run at my old and busted track, but today I was at my sister's, just running around the block. It's a big circle, so it's kind of like a big track, right? Except with dogs and sheep and cows and pick ups with dirt bags behind the wheel.

Not much I can say about the run except that I'm definitely ready to get back to Week 2. I wasn't bored or anything, and my calves were burning a little, but mostly I felt like I was holding back. And I guess I was because I was trying to keep pace with my sister. For her part, I thought she did really well, though she said she was having a hard time the entire run. Mostly it was her shoes, which hurt her feet. She needs to get a good pair of running shoes, STAT. I'm making her run with me again on Thursday and Saturday, though Saturday I may make her come run at my track with me.

It was a beautiful day for running, though. About 50°, sunny with a little bit of wind. Worked up a nice sweat, too. Thursday and Saturday look to be just as gorgeous, so I'm very excited. I have to admit, I'm quite a bit discouraged about my goal of running eight miles on August 8th (at 8:08 a.m.? Too much?), but it's still something I'm shooting for.

Another thing I'm going to do, I think, is bring Tank on the runs with me. My sister accidentally got him fat while I was in Florida, so we both need to get back in shape. Plus, since losing Luke, Lady and Bernie all within two years, I really want to spend as much time as possible with my dog. He's not getting any younger, and how boring is it for him to sit at home while I'm out running?

I'm still doing well on the Self Challenge. My breakfast smoothies are still kicking ass. For lunch this week I've been having leftover Wonderful Winter Squash (plus brown rice and a big salad). For dinner tonight I had a whole wheat tortilla wrap with some grilled Morningstar Chick'n Strips, some picante sauce, lettuce, red peppers and carrots. Yummies. If I get a hankering for something sweet, I'll just have an apple or a handful of almonds and raisins.

Aaaaaand, I'm outta here.

Week 1, Day 1 (revisited)

2008-03-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

I’m back with a vengeance. Weatherbug told me it was supposed to rain all week, but this morning it was nothing but big fluffy white clouds and blue skies, so I decided it was time to get back down to the track.

I’m not saying it didn’t take a lot of convincing. I had a head full of negative self talk and a billion excuses not to get in my car and drive into town, but somehow I pushed them all aside and did it.

I started the Self Challenge yesterday. Better late than never, am I right? I’m not following the diet or exercise plan exactly, but I have made vast changes in my eating habits, and that is going to make a huge difference. This morning the scale told me I was down half a pound from yesterday, but I know that tomorrow it will more than likely tell me I’ve gained two pounds. I can’t find my cloth tape measure, so I won’t be able to track my numbers. Guess I’ll have to buy a new one. Dammit.

Anyway. I had to run some errands this morning, and though it was incredibly windy, the weather was gorgeous and when I got home I did a quick ten minute warm up and then spent 18 minutes doing my ab workout. I stretched a bit, let Tank out, put on my running gear and went to the track.

It was 52° and overcast. Wouldn’t you know? As soon as I got to the track, the rain clouds blew in. The drizzle didn’t start until the fifth run, but the wind blew the cold right into my bones and made my eyes water. It got a lot better once I started moving, but damn. Florida spoiled me. I have to say, though, it really is something to be running along a track, sweating your ass off and looking at the snow covered mountains off in the distance.

I was pretty annoyed the entire run. It just took so long. I’m used to six runs, not eight, and I was impatient to get to the end. I have a lot to do today, so maybe that was a big part of it. All I know is, I’m only doing Week 1 for one week and then it’s right back into Week 2. My sister plans on signing us up for the gym today, so if it rains, I’ll no longer have an excuse to blow off running.

I didn’t have any pain, either. My calves burned a little bit, but I never felt like I wanted to die. I guess I’m not as out of shape as I thought I was. It felt really good to be out there, though. I haven’t had any trouble sleeping since I got home, but I know that now that I’m working out regularly (and getting that half hour in the sun and fresh air), I’ll be the “good” kind of tired at night, not just mentally exhausted.

Thursday calls for more rain, but Friday looks to be clear (as well as the weekend). If that’s the case, I’ll just run again on Friday and Sunday.

And then there were two.

2008-03-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

My dog Bernie died yesterday. I took him to the vet for blood work on Wednesday; his pancreatic values came back normal, though his WBC count was a little elevated. Friday night, he wasn't looking too good so yesterday, my brother in law took him in to the vet. My sister called about 20 minutes later asking me to pick her up, saying the doctor wanted to talk to us.

I've had animals my whole life, and I worked at an animal hospital long enough to know the reality of that statement. I left Tank at my sister's and we clipped fur off of him and Meathead and went to the vet. Bernie was lying on a blanket looking up at us and there was no question at all what we had to do. You could see it in his eyes. He was there, but he was ready to go. And so we let him. Afterwards, we took him to Dignified Pets and said goodbye. He was 17 years old.

Bernie
April 1992 - March 2008

Am I ever going to have good news?

2008-03-06T13:37:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Oregon, safe and sound. Since before I left, I've been having the most horrendous back/hip pains. I've tried stretching, taking ibuprofen three times a day, using a hot water bottle, etc. Nothing really helps. It gets worse at night, and I sometimes have to use my mom's cane to get around the house.

I worked out Monday and Tuesday; had been planning on running on Tuesday as well, but I figured I probably shouldn't put any more stress on my spine and hip. I'm not sure what this pain is from; I figured it was due to my spending several weeks sleeping on a pull-out couch, but now I'm not so sure.

I don't have health insurance, so I can't go to a doctor. There is a free clinic on Thursdays but the last two times I went (both times because I was in so much pain I could barely walk), they said they had to put emergency cases as their top priority. They did send me home with a bunch of ibuprofen and a thermometer, though. I felt better almost immediately! /sarcasm

Needless to say, not being able to run or work out has left me feeling very depressed and frustrated. I don't feel good about myself at all. And tomorrow is my birthday. Hurray! I'm older and fatter than ever!

This is it.

2008-03-01T12:22:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving for the airport in a couple of hours. Hopefully my good friend Ativan will keep my arch nemesis, Panic Attack, at bay.

This'll be me soon!

My last few days here were quite eventful and included a trip to the ER as well as the Hillsborough County sheriff's office and the EOC. Now it's back to boring old Oregon. (Said with 50% sarcasm.)

Almost done!

2008-02-27T07:08:00.000-08:00

I've got two more days of vacation left. I fly out Saturday afternoon and get back into Portland at around 8:30 p.m. I honestly would not mind staying here another month, but I'm getting antsy. I miss my animals and I feel like crap, health-wise. My back is wrecked from sleeping on the pull-out couch, and I can barely walk when I get up in the morning.

Yesterday, Mom and I went to her relatives' condo to swim and have lunch. I'm glad that I stayed an extra seven days because otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to say goodbye to them (they were busy last week). I can't remember the last time I saw them. They moved back to Germany in 1987, but surely it can't have been that long. At any rate, it was wonderful to see them again and I really enjoyed spending time with them. Now that I'm working on my fear of flying, I'm all fired up to visit them in Germany next year. I can't believe I'm this old, and I haven't seen Europe yet. This is where I start beating myself up for wasting so much of my life, so I'll just shut up about it.

On a side note, I'd like to point out that even though I said they were my mom's relatives, they are my relatives, too. My sister and I are adopted, and my whole life I never felt like I belonged to either side of the family. I've always referred to them as "my dad's family" and "my mom's family." A lot of my problems stem from feeling shut out my entire life. But that's what therapy is for. Another reason I'm eager to return to Oregon.

In happier news, I'm going to my second hockey game tonight, if all goes well (the Bolts are playing the Minnesota Wild.) My friend had to euthanize her dog yesterday, so her friend J said that he would take care of the tickets. This may or may not involve us using an acquaintance's season tickets. I'm very excited.

And now, I'm going to do some stretches in the hopes of getting rid of these crippling back pains. Next week this blog will be back to 100% running.

(Me at the beach in Treasure Island. My mom took this. I think she's got a good eye for photography, especially considering she had no idea what she was doing.)

Change of plans...

2008-02-21T08:20:00.000-08:00

So...I'm not leaving tomorrow. I'm leaving a week from Saturday. Not my fault! The other day my mom asked (out of the blue) if I wanted to stay another week. After checking with my sister and my mom's caregiver back in Oregon to see if they minded (they're watching our animals, after all), we went ahead and changed my reservation. For only $10 extra!

I'm really happy about that. I was starting to feel like I was being rushed, that I didn't have time to do everything I wanted to do. And that's true, actually. Being sick for a week really forked up my plans. Another reason I really wanted to stay is that this will be one less week my mom will be here alone.

On the negative side, the Self Challenge starts in four days. However, I'm not going to stress out. I can start it a week late and it won't really make a difference except that my info on the website will be a little off. I just didn't want to start the Challenge while I was here. We don't really have any fresh foods and I don't have access to my exercise equipment. I know I can exercise doing something outdoorsy, but I'm anal retentive and want to do things a certain way.

In the mean time, I'm getting out and doing stuff everyday. I have a lot of plans with my friend Julie (including, hopefully, another hockey game. Sadly, the Bolts aren't playing the Caps again until the end of March.), plus! Now I have time to get my film developed. I should probably go do that tomorrow.

At any rate, that's what's going on. I swear -- I'm coming home next week and this blog will resume its running-only status.

Plans

2008-02-19T09:07:00.000-08:00

I'm flying back home on Friday. Initially, I wanted to jump right back into running on Saturday, but I figure I should give myself some time to adjust. As of right now, I'm planning on starting running again the following Tuesday. I'll give myself three days of Week 1 and then get back into Week 2. If it turns out I need to start all over again, so be it. I'm trying not to beat myself up for slacking off so much (exercise-wise) while I've been in Florida. To be fair, I've been out and about a lot, and though I haven't been eating as well as I do back home, I also haven't been eating in excess. So that's good. And I haven't lost my zest for exercise, either. I am eager to get back into my routine.

So now I'm just trying to make the most of my last days here. Thursday I have to take my camera back to Walmart. There's no way I can justify having it; not while I'm mostly unemployed. Still, it was nice while it lasted, and I've gotten a lot of great photos out of it. This past Saturday, my friend Julie took me to see my very first hockey game. The Bolts played the Washington Capitals. The Caps won, but it was still an exciting game. Plus? I GOT TO SEE OVIE. And a couple of fights. I've never been one to think athletes were sexy, but hockey players? Damn.

At any rate, next week this blog will be back on track (literally), and I can't wait! This is, of course, assuming the weather agrees with me. I'll be forcing my sister to join the gym this week, so we'll at least have that as back up if it's snowing or, as we call it in Portland, snaining.

Tagged!

2008-02-15T11:32:00.001-08:00

I'll be home in exactly one week. I'm happy and sad about that. And very, very anxious. In the meantime, I've been tagged by Christie! Here goes:

Two names you go by:
1. Katie - I've been called that my whole life. My family and BFF usually call me Kate.
2. BT - it's what I go by on my favorite message boards.

Two things you're wearing right now:
1. These awesome green cords my friend Julie gave me.
2. Sort of a beige-colored v-neck top.

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship:
1. Trust.
2. I can't think of a second one. It's been so long since I was in a relationship.

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Read.
2. Work out.

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To go to the bathroom (there's a guy in there repairing the ceiling).
2. Bubble tea.

Two companion animals you've had/have:
1. Luke - my GSD mix who I had for eight years, and who died a year ago this January. He was my soul mate and taught me a lot about myself.
2. Freddie - my cat. I've had her her entire life (almost 15 years). If I were a Dark Materials character, she would be my dæmon.

Two people you think will fill this out (i.e. you’re tagged!):
1. I don't know how many people read this. I'll pick Jeannie, since Christie has already done this.

Two things you did last night:
1. Watched Supernatural.
2. Ate a (soy) ice cream cone.

Two things you ate today:
1. Toast with dark chocolate peanut butter.
2. Stuffed shells.

Two people you last talked to:
1. My sister.
2. The guy fixing the ceiling.

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Hockey with Julie. OVIE!
2. [Undecided.]

Two people who are no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
1. My dad.
2. Nick Drake.

Two longest car rides:
1. Chicago to Portland.
2. From Portland to Seattle and back in one day. LIVING. HELL.

Two favorite holidays:
1. St. Patrick's Day.
2. Halloween.

Two favorite beverages:
1. Water.
2. Bubble tea.

Nope.

2008-02-13T16:28:00.000-08:00

I'm still not running, but I realize one (possibly) two of you reading this might be wondering how my dog, Bernie, is doing. The answer is: much better. He's really, really picky about eating, though. The vet Rx'd some bland food, but he won't eat it. The most he'll manage is a bit of chicken baby food, but at least they're getting the pills in him with little to no trouble these days. To say I'm relieved is an understatement. I'm here in Florida for ten more days. While I would love to stay here until oh, I don't know, Spring, I am anxious to get home and see all of my babies. Especially Bernie. He's a cantankerous old goat, but we love him. Deep down, somewhere, under all that piss and vinegar and shameful amounts of dirt and dreadlocks, he loves us too.

We hope.

The other good news is that the Self Challenge is starting on February 25th! I've done this the last two years in a row. It is a major part in all of my weight loss. I've got running on my side this year, so I'm hoping to get into even better shape over the next three months. The prize is a trip to Mexico, which I could care less about. I just want to be healthy.

Here's Bernie, snoozing on one of the two dog "couches" in the front room. That's Spooky hanging out with him. She was at the vet, too, having her kidneys flushed. She is feeling much, much better these days.

Good news. For once.

2008-02-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

Bernie's still here. Radiographs ruled out cancer and, in fact, showed that the little bastard had rocks in his intestine. Either that or bones, and since we're an all-vegan household, there's little chance of those ending up in his belly. He's spending another night at the vet's and will probably be home tomorrow. His appetite is in full swing and he is looking/acting like himself again. He passed one of the "things" in his stool and the others are also on their way out.

This is the first time bad news from a vet did a complete 180. I still don't even know how to react. All I know is, I can't wait to get home and give him a big hug.

He'll hate it.

Bernie

2008-02-06T14:55:00.000-08:00

There seemed to be an illness sweeping through the dog population at our (my sister's) house. First Meathead was vomiting, then my dog Tank was, and then Bernie. Except Bernie didn't seem to be recovering as fast as the others. So my sister dropped him off at the vet yesterday for tests and an I.V. since we figured he was probably dehydrated.

This morning she stopped back at the vet to get our cat, Spooky's, kidneys flushed (we just found out she's in renal failure and probably hyperthyroid) and the doctor told her that Bernie had an abdominal mass and was dying of cancer. My sister said to take radiographs, because that's what we do; we have to find out as much as possible before making any decisions. More than likely, Bernie will be euthanized today.

That's three dogs we've lost in one year, all to cancer. I just don't even know what to say. I haven't cried. I've just been numb all day. And my poor sister having to deal with this on her own. And I won't get to say goodbye. This vacation has been a nightmare.

Seriously??

2008-01-30T08:55:00.000-08:00

Mom and I went to the local historical museum yesterday, and at one exhibit they had one of those old timey scales. For shits and giggles, I put my camera-laden bag on a bench and stepped onto the scale. Apparently, over the last month and a half, I have lost seven pounds. This brings my total weight loss so far to 25 pounds. Whereas that is a good, healthy chunk of weight gone from my body, I can't help but think of how heavy 25 pounds of anything is to carry around. And I probably have twice that much left to lose. No wonder I've been so miserable! Sad, but incredibly motivating. (Incidentally, I'm only 20 pounds away from my pre-Portland weight from seven years ago. I looked and felt pretty good back then.) I blew off my ab workout yesterday, but when we got home from the museum (and photographing pelicans at the pier), I threw on my workout clothes and got down to business.

Today, Mom and I are going swimming at her cousin's condo, which is about 10 minutes away from here, but not before I get my Heinz pasta sauce and do some weight training. It's really awkward, though. If I could find someplace that sells used exercise equipment (i.e. hand weights), I might buy a pair and bequeath them to my friend before I fly back home in a couple of weeks. I want to progress in my strength training, not stall. Again, I guess I should remember that something is better than nothing.

The Self Challenge starts at the end of next month, and that is going to help immensely. It is the main reason I've lost so much weight over the last two years, so I'm really excited to get going with that again. And funnily enough, you know how I have the goal of running eight miles on August 8th? I recently found out that that is the day the summer Olympics start! I freakin' love the Olympics! So that's a happy coincidence.

My abs are a bit sore today, which is good, though I had no soreness after my strength training on Monday. Bleh. I need real weights! Ok. Time to get going.

Cheers!

Bummmm

2008-01-28T14:22:00.001-08:00

Still in Florida. Still not running. I've been here two weeks now and am still waiting for it to feel like I'm on vacation. Waiting is useless. Going out and doing something is what's going to bring the vacation feeling. So Friday I hopped into my mom's car (which I now call the Fauxpala) and drove to Tampa to meet my friend Julie. We've known each other online for about four years now, and I was really excited about meeting her. That's half the reason I flew out here in the first place. We're both photography nerds, so we were looking forward to going out with our cameras.

We ended up going to Lettuce Lake Park. We were really hoping to see some alligators (there's a 12 footer that lives there), but all we found were gator-shaped logs. We did see lots of lizards, ibis, blue herons and ospreys. And a gooberfish. (Star Wars nerds, we are.) Sooooo much fun.

I conquered two fears that day: Driving to strange places by myself and meeting people. I've got awful social anxiety. People (and especially crowds) make me nervous. But meeting Julie was like hanging out with a friend I'd just seen the day before. I was instantly comfortable with her and never felt the slightest twinge of panic or anxiety. We had a great day together, and I can't wait to see her again. What's next? Manatees? Gators? Dinosaur World? Yes, yes and yes.

Oh, I also came home that night with a boxful of Julie's clothes. I'm not a klepto; she offered! I snagged six pairs of pants (including a sweet pair of Budweiser pj bottoms), a cute summer dress, six shirts and a pair of shorts. I can't fit into any of the shirts or the dress, but I fully intend to use them as goal clothes. We were so wrapped up in the day that we forgot she also wanted to give me a vegan cookbook and an old camera of hers that has a broken light meter. Next time!

So that's pretty much what I've been up to. I was sick the first week I was here and this second week I've just been depressed. I miss my sister and my animals. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping. Every now and then I'll have one night where I have difficulty falling asleep, but I haven't been able to fall right to sleep since I got here. I think a lot of it has to do with me not exercising or running. So today I forced myself to work out. My mom's condo is tiny, so I don't have a lot of room. I flailed around the front room for a warm up and then used two 1-lb cans of Heinz (roasted garlic and onion) pasta sauce as weights. I normally use 3-lb weights, but I guess I'll have to make due with what I've got on hand. At least I worked out, right? I'm hoping it'll help me get to sleep tonight.

The weather has been pretty crappy here as well. Seems I brought the weather with me from Oregon. The only good news is that, though it's raining, it's not freezing cold. This week is going to be really nice. Perfect, in fact, for running. I just can't bring myself to put on my shoes and head out the door. I'm not brave enough. I'm convinced I'll get mugged or something.

I briefly toyed with the idea of going to the local Y.W.C.A., but it costs $35 to join and I'm only going to be here three more weeks.

Mehhhh.

I really miss running. I don't know what to do.

I made it!

2008-01-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to say I arrived safely (though a bit stoned --> Ativan) in Florida last night. AND IT'S RAINING HERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! It's not a depressing rain, though. I've been busy cleaning up Mom's condo. It hasn't been occupied in over two years, so you can imagine the dust. Cough.

I feel really depressed and out of sorts, but I know it's just my own anxiety trying to bring me down. I'll be better in a couple of days, once Mom and I get everything sorted out. I slept until 3 p.m. (Eastern), which makes me feel like shit, but I think I really needed it; I didn't get a lot of sleep while I was sick, or the night before we left or yesterday on the plane.

So I'm here. I almost forgot to pack my running shoes, can you believe it? OH! And the night before I left, my sister took me to Best Buy so I could buy a charger for my iPod and what did I see in the corner of the parking lot but Roadrunner Sports!!!! I had no idea there was one so close by! Now when I get back (and land a steady job), I can go and get fitted for proper running shoes.

I'll end this by saying flying still scares me, but it is no longer an impossible thing. I feel incredibly proud and empowered that I conquered my fear. If I can get on an airplane for the first time in almost 20 years, what can't I do? My next goal? Approach strangers and take their photograph.