Huge Birdless Silence

On a slow boat we drift in horse latitude waters
Becalmed on the swells of the internal sea
And towing behind us a huge birdless silence
The air is a hammer, the waters don't breath

On a day like tomorrow when all things are sacred
I'll lie like a drunk against the sun roasted wall
And the air will not move and all time hangs suspended
Between now and forever until darkness falls

Well, I haven't been running. It's still hard to find the time and motivation. I'm wondering if I shouldn't just give up on it completely. I went to the doctor recently to recheck my blood work, only to find it's even worse than before. This is after eight months of eating right and losing almost 20 pounds, too. I'm also, still, incredibly vitamin D deficient. I walk the dogs every morning after I get home from work, figuring that's a good amount of time to be in the sun and soak up some D naturally, but apparently not. I now have to take a liquid supplement in addition to the tablets, and I have to recheck again in three months. My cholesterol is still high; high enough that my doctor is considering putting me on statins. "I don't want to go the medication route," she told me, so she suggested I take red rice yeast in addition to the Cholestoff I had been taking (very, very sporadically).

My sister, who is a medical transcriptionist, and a friend who works as a pharmacy tech both cautioned me against the red rice yeast. I am taking the Cholestoff regularly, and am also taking garlic supplements, which my friend suggested. I hope this will help.

Exercise is key, and aside from walking and all the running around I do at work, I'm not getting any. Sure, the weight is coming off, but that doesn't mean I'm getting healthier. It just means I can pull all of my jeans off without having to unbutton or unzip them. Two of my co-w0rkers have commented recently on how much weight I've lost; this is really nice to hear, but I need to work on being healthy inside.

I just don't have the energy. I don't know how to find the energy. It's hard trying to get everything done that needs to be done every day, ADD-wise. The amount of energy it takes a "normal" person to get through their entire day is the same amount of energy it takes me to get dressed and put on my shoes before I leave the house. Medication helps (in so many ways, I can't even begin to explain), but my life is still an overwhelming mess. My co-worker is out on maternity leave until the end of the month, and while I enjoy getting the overtime (something the company I work for never allows), the stress of the extra work load is getting to me.

However, a friend just sent me and my sister a book: Organizing Solutions for People with Attention Deficit Disorder, by Susan C. Pinsky. I haven't read through the whole thing yet, but what I have read MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. I have hope that this book will help me get my shit together, at least enough so that I'm at the point where I can focus on myself and running. It's insane how much I loved (and hated) it, and yet I keep denying myself that one pleasure.

Why?

The good news is that I turned a friend on to the Couch-to-5k program. She has attempted it once, so far, on her treadmill. She made it 13 minutes in and then had to quit. Baby steps, people. It's ok if you don't make it all the way through on your first try. She said that she needed to get the pacing down before she tries it again; having to turn the speed up and down really distracted her, plus she's "not a runner," (her words) and it's not as easy to get into as it was for me. Not that it was easy easy, but I ran a lot in high school, so I was no stranger to it.

My sister has a pilates machine and I suggested we move it down to the front room (it's in her room right now). My reasoning is that I don't know all the exercises to do on the machine, so if we put the machine in the front room, I could follow along to some pilates DVDs. Plus, for people with ADD, it's all about having the things you need right out in the open. If it's in a closet, you forget about it or don't have the energy to go and get it. It's all about reducing the steps. So having the machine right there means all I'd have to do is set it down on the floor and pop the DVD into the TV. Viola! Might as well build up my muscles again, in anticipation of running regularly.

I just need to keep thinking about my health. It's something I spend a lot of time ignoring. But I am unhealthy, and that's insane for a vegan. The only explanation I can come up with is that it's genetic. I have to assume because I am adopted and know very little about my birth mother and father's medical histories. I have met my birth mother and grandparents and five aunts and uncle, and I'm pretty sure cancer runs in the family. This alone should scare me into exercising. Shouldn't it? I will have to call V one day and discuss the family's medical history. I need to know after all. I've spent my life writing "N/A" for Family Medical History at the doctors office.

Finding the time.

It’s me again. Yeah, I’m still here. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m probably not going to be able to fit three runs in every week. Not right now, maybe not ever. I did run two weeks ago. I’d gotten off work early (to offset my working six days a week) and was determined to run. When I got home, I walked the dogs for 20 minutes, went home and jumped into my running gear and off I went.

I’d been looking forward to using the Couch-to-5k application I’d purchased for my iPhone, so I was very excited to head out. It was probably around 6:15 in the morning. The sun hadn’t really come out yet, it was still relatively cool. Nobody else was up and about. Perfect conditions.

The run went really well. I thought that since I haven’t run regularly in over a year, I’d be in pretty bad shape, but that wasn’t the case. My legs started to burn a little halfway through, but I never once felt like I wanted to quit and die right in the middle of the road. So that was good.

I’m not sure if the Ulrey podcasts or the application is off, but I definitely ran farther this time than I usually did with the podcast. And I think the timing is off for one of them. At any rate, I ran, I did well, I went home and stretched.

I was banking on getting off work early last night (er, this morning) but that didn’t happen and so I didn’t run. I could have, since I got home before the sun came up, but I was too damn tired. Maybe tomorrow.

I just have so much to do every day before I go to work, I don’t have time for exercising. I could run when I get up in the afternoon, but lately it has been to damn hot. I could do that in the Fall, though.

I really do need to get more exercise, though, and walking the dogs every morning is a good start. It’s good for all of us, health-wise, but it’s also good for the soul. I feel like I never see my dogs anymore, so I’m happy to be able to spend this quiet time with them. Plus, the golden retriever puppy on the corner runs out to join us, and I can always count on him to play with Curly Joe and wear him out.

I am currently down to a weight I haven’t seen in about eight years. It doesn’t mean as much to me, though, because I know that the weight loss is from not eating (due to my ADD meds). It’s a little bit because of all the running around I do at work, but still. I’d feel like this was more of an accomplishment if I was doing strength training or running on a regular basis.

As it stands, I have lost over 16 pounds since February. I have lost 38 pounds since December of 2005. That doesn’t seem like much to me. It’s better than nothing, so I’ll take it, but I feel like I could do more.

Oh, that reminds me. I think the run was easier on me because I’ve lost almost 20 pounds in six months. It has definitely helped, so I can’t knock it too much.

So that’s what’s been going on. I’ll get there. I still have hope.

Oh, hi.

Yeah. It’s a month later and I haven’t run a day since. Finding time between my graveyard hours and everything else I have to do in a day has been nearly impossible. When I do have the time, I’m completely unmotivated to get out there. I miss the little track by my mom’s house, and I hate running in my sister’s neighborhood because rabid neighbor dogs always chase me.

This morning (or lunchtime, to you Day Dwellers), I woke up with a solution: the treadmill.

Yes, I hate treadmills. BUT. I love running, and this is a fair compromise.

We got this thing probably over ten years ago. Lugged it out here from Chicago with us. It hasn’t been used in a very long time. In fact, we dragged it out onto the back deck last year, planning on throwing it out or trying to give it away. So when I woke up this morning, the first thing that popped into my head was “treadmill.”

I went out and got an extension cord, plugged it in and (after a brief phone call to my sister) figured out how to turn it on. It works! It’s full of dust, dirt, leaves and dead bugs, but it works. Tomorrow I will give it a good cleaning and then get back to running.

I think I will run when I get home from work. You’re not supposed to work out before you go to bed, but with summer coming on, I would rather work out in the mornings before it gets too warm.

Plus, I really hope the noise disturbs my asshole neighbors while they’re trying to sleep. They built a fucking halfpipe by their fence and it’s right across the yard from my bedroom. Even with earplugs in, I can still hear the thumping and banging while I’m trying to sleep. I fucking hate these people.

Anyway, I’ve got the Couch-to-5k application for my iPhone and lots of Basshunter to run with, so I think this is going to work out really well for me. I would love to do strength training, too (I love it), but for now I’ll just focus on the running and eventually throw in some weights when I have a chance.

Week One, Day One (third time's a charm!)

Well, I did it! I ran! It was pushing 80° by the time I got out there (5 p.m.), but I was determined to run anyway. Two minutes into the warm up, I was accosted by a neighbor dog. Friendly, thankfully, but you know how dogs thing fast-moving beings are fun to chase. Going into my fourth run interval, I was accosted by two other dogs. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO KEEP YOUR DOGS IN THE FUCKING YARD?

But I digress. I downloaded the Couch to 5k application for my iPhone, but I don't have a holder big enough for my iPhone. I'll just go with my trusty old iPod. Right when it went into the first run interval, I started smiling. It was like meeting an old friend. You know, the kind you like to see but don't necessarily get along with a lot of the time?

As I plodded along, I started thinking, This isn't so bad. Maybe I won't have to do much of Week 1 after all. Famous last words. By the fourth run interval, I was contemplating quitting. Ah, yes. Now I remember. The love/hate thing.

It's good to be back.

The only thing is that, in the summer, I'm used to running early in the morning to avoid the heat. Nowadays, I go to bed at around 7:30 or 8:00 so I'm up by 3:30 or so. I think that I will try running after I get home Wednesday morning. Maybe around 6:30? I know you're not supposed to work out before you go to bed, but I need to run when it's light out so none of my asshole neighbors run me down on their way to work. It'll take some adjustment, but I'll figure this out. I need to get some new shorts, though.

Anyway, go me!

After running, I stretched, took my Vyvanse and then my sister and I went outside and cut down a whole mess of brambles. Quite a productive day! Tomorrow I may give my sister's pilates machine a try.

Now I have to go get ready for work.

This is some shit up with which I will not put.

I'm going to bed in a little while, and when I get up (and have a nice, healthy smoothie for breakfast) around 3:30, I'm going to go running.

Third time's a charm, eh?

It's been a while since I ran. I'm afraid to look, but ... yeah. August 2nd of last year. Way, way, way, way too long.

I had already planned on starting up again today, but I just found an application for the iPhone that allows you to listen to your own music while running; the application gives you audio cues to let you know when it's time to slow down or speed up. It was $2.99, but I got it anyway. The Ulrey podcasts are wonderful, but I have never liked the music. Now I can plod along to my classic rock and (thanks to my friend Mara) the Netherlands Top 40.

I've lost almost 12 pounds since February and I was going to wait until I got back into strength training before I started running again, but with my graveyard schedule and all the crap going on in my life right now, I don't really have time to squeeze all that in everyday. For now, I'll just go with the running. See how I do. I still need to get new shoes, so hopefully my old ones (still in great condition) will suffice.

Wish me luck!

Decisions have been made!

Starting tomorrow, I am starting to exercise again. I don't care if it's just a 40 walk with the dogs in the afternoon or a half hour on the elliptical before or after work: I WILL DO IT. I will start running again. I'm just going to build up to it. Also, I need to buy another sports iPod holder thingy because my mom's cats stole mine.

Hope you're all doing well.

Getting closer.

Well, I'm still here. Slowly but surely getting my shit together. I'm happy to announce that I've lost ten pounds in the last month. A lot of that has to do with my starting ADD medication; Dexedrine was once used as a weight loss drug. I just don't feel like eating anymore. I force myself to, but at least I'm not doing the emotional-overeating all the time. I've been at my new job for about five months now, so I'm either working or sleeping. Now that the Self Challenge had started up again, I'm motivated to start working out again. I just need to find the time for it.

Also, I've had some asthma trouble lately, having a lot of trouble breathing. I've got medication now, thanks to insurance, and am getting it under control. I just really miss running. I'll get there soon. None of my pants or bras fit me anymore, which is exciting but also a pain. I'm either adjusting or yanking at an article of clothing all day.

Hope you're all doing well.

Turning point.

I recently went to a doctor in Portland and was diagnosed with ADD. Did you know that it’s more inheritable than height? My sister’s got it, and chances are (from what I know of her) our birth mother has it, too. My one goal tomorrow is to call and make an appointment with a doctor (thank gad for health insurance) so I can get started on medication. I have never been a supporter of meds, aside from all the ibuprofen I eat to get through life with the dry twist. I was on Zoloft about seven years ago but it did nothing for me. That was, according to the doctor, a good indication that I’d been misdiagnosed as having panic disorder/depression. However, there is something wrong with my brain, and if medication can help me, I am all for it.

I had a bit of a cry afterward; nobody likes to hear there’s something wrong with their brain. But I was also relieved. All these years I thought I was stupid and crazy. All these years of beating myself up for not being able to figure out the simple stuff. And hey, I didn’t get fired from my last job for being forgetful - I got fired for having a disability. (ADHD is recognized as a disability under federal legislation -the Rehabilitation Act of 1973; the Americans With Disabilities Act; and the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act). And these last three months at my new job, driving home every night feeling like the dumbest person on the planet, not being able to remember codes and procedures two seconds after they’ve been explained to me. Sometimes I’ll get a sample that I’ve done a hundred times before and I’ll have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Nothing on the req form makes sense. I honestly thought I was stupid. The simplest things are so hard, so what other explanation can there be? I’ll leave a load of laundry in the dryer for a week instead of folding it and putting it away. I’ll walk past a fork on the kitchen floor ten times and it’ll never occur to me to pick it up and put it in the sink. My whole life is overwhelming.

But now I know it’s not my fault. My shit’s all fucked up but it’s nothing I did. It’s going to be hard, trying to figure my life out now, but at least I know what’s wrong and will soon have the tools to cope with it. Once I get it together, I'll be better able to focus on things. Which means I'll actually start running again. At this point, I'm just going to have to start all over, but that's OK. This is kind of like a new beginning, anyway.

2009

(Don't drink and drive, okay?)

Here's to (literally) getting back on track. *clink*

P.S. I have to do Happy New Year early because I'll be at work when the new year rolls in.

Checking in.

Just a little note, to anyone still reading this, that I'm still around. Not running, not even working out. Just trying to survive the winter. I miss running like you wouldn't believe, but I can't seem to motivate myself enough to get back out there.

Any suggestions? Words of inspiration? Ass kickings?

Looking forward to the end of 2008. I never make New Years resolutions, but come January first I am going to get back to being kind to myself. Eating better, at least walking the dogs once a day. Baby steps back into fitness. Whatever it takes to get me there, right?

I've got a bead on a consult with an ADHD doctor in Portland, but ... I flaked on my appointment two weeks ago. I didn't even bother trying to set up a new one this last week and a half because we've been snowed in like ... I don't know. Something that gets trapped by snow?

Eventually, I will start running around my sister's neighborhood. I hate it. I hate the neighbors, I hate the area. I miss my quiet little broken down track in the middle of nowhere, where I could run and run and not be bothered by aggressive dogs and off-roading rednecks.

Well, I'm going to run along now. I've got to go to the library (in 12 hours, so I'd better hit the hay) and pick some stuff up (Bad Company, The Elephant Man: A Study in Human Dignity and Johnny Got His Gun). So I am going to watch some videos and then hit the hay. We didn't have much of a Christmas this year (as in: not at all), but we're all alive and doing relatively well, and that's pretty much all I want. My good friends Andy and Ed collaborated on a little gift for me, and it really made my day/week/year. For those of you who didn't grow up in Chicago, Svengoolie is only one of the best shows ever. It was like early MST3K except there was only one character (Svengoolie) doing sketches and telling jokes during the breaks. I spent many happy hours watching this show as a child, so when Ed mentioned the show on his blog, I seethed with jealousy. And what do you know? I recently received a package from Ed. Inside I found three DVDs, each containing two episodes of Svengoolie:

• Night of the Lepus
  
• The Creeping Terror
  
• The Gorgon
  
• Gallery of Horror
  
• The Boys from Brooklyn
  
• Mothra
  

Ed supplied the videos, Andy did the transferring. Don't I have wonderful friends?

I wasn't able to get the videos until yesterday (they were up at my mom's), and I still haven't had a chance to watch them yet. But I will. Maybe I'll have a Svengoolie marathon on New Years day. I have the day off. Why not start the new year off with an old friend?

P.S. I got my new work schedule and it just so happens that three of my days off coincide with several firefighter hockey games! I'm really excited and can't wait to go. I'm also hoping to catch one or two more Winter Hawks games as well. And let's not forget about THE WINTER CLASSIC. I'm so fucking excited, I can't even tell you. It might get postponed to January 2nd, though, because, well ... only in Chicago. Either way, I'm on it. I'll be glued to the TV, decked out in my Yzerman jersey. I am a bit conflicted about who to support, though. I was born in Michigan (about 45 minutes south of Detroit) but grew up in Chicago. I guess I should just consider myself lucky that both my home states (what? I can have two home states) are playing HOCKEY IN WRIGLEY FIELD. I'd give anything to be there.

And oh. My. Gad. I HAVE TO HAVE THIS:

Merry Christmas, eh.

Merry Whatevermas, internet people. My gift to youse: my favorite Christmas song:

The courage to start. Again.

Still not running, but this evening I found myself a pound away from my weight from my running days. I know it's not the numbers that matter, but it was disheartening to see I'd gained weight again. But I'm back down again and even my mom is telling me I look smaller.

I think maybe it’s because I’m working now and don’t eat as much? Honestly, I still stress-binge like a motherfucker. I might be able to attribute it to the diet root beer I’ve been drinking. Sure, the Splenda will probably kill me in the end, but at least they won’t need a forklift to get me into my coffin.

At any rate, I’ve lost weight and I intend to run with it. Literally. I’m not going to start up again until I’ve gotten in a good week of aerobic and strength training, and I also need to get that new pair of running shoes.

I just want to get out there and run right now, mostly because IT STOPPED RAINING.

ETA: I forgot to mention the hockey. I know, it's not a hockey blog.

Last weekend, I dragged my sister to the Golden Skate charity hockey game between the Portland Firefighters Hockey Club and Seattle firefighters (not sure what their club is called). The benefit was for the Down Syndrome Network of Oregon, and it was open seating so my sis and I sat up by the glass. It was awesome, especially since some guy in the seats behind us kept yelling out a line from Slap Shot, which you can here in this video I took:



Sure, he wasn't saying it correctly, but it was still awesome. Slap Shot quotes at a hockey game. Life is good.

P.S. Portland won, 8-1. And there was a fight.

Change.

We just made history. I don't even know what to say.

The Fourth of November

I hope you all voted today. I wish I was at a bar right now, drinking root beer and watching the elections with everybody else, but noooooooo. I have to go to work. How the hell can I concentrate when something this important is going on??

Well, anyway. No matter who you support, I really hope you went out and cast your vote.

If it turns out the way I hope, maybe we can make this country great again.

Fever.

I usually get home from work at around 5:10 a.m. Driving through the city in the wee hours of morning, I've been amazed at how many people I see jogging. They inspire me. There's nothing stopping me from running again (aside from untreated ADD); I get up at 2 p.m. and leave for work at 8:30 p.m. Plenty of time to exercise/run every day.

Soon. Very soon. I need to build up some strength first and then ease back into it. I hate to start all over at Week 1 again, but if I have to, I will. As long as I start moving again, things will be fine. I need to run again. First things first, new running shoes.

In the streets on Halloween, there's something going on.

I speak in answers only to see them in my mind.

Just stopping in to say I'm still not running. BUT. I am slowly settling in at work. I'm still confused as hell most of the time, but I'm not quite so overwhelmed. Depending on how busy we are, I usually get home around 5 a.m. I fart around until 7:00 and then feed the animals. By then, it's starting to get light out. While they're all chowing down, I go and get ready for bed. Then I take the dogs out to potty one last time and hit the hay. I wake up anytime between noon and 2:00. Let the dogs out, wash my face, have some breakfast, run errands. I've been running errands like crazy lately. It kind of drives me nuts because I'm sick of being in the goddamn car all the time. But my sister is still in Chicago and there's no one here but me to take care of things. Yesterday I went to the post office to overnight her a package and ended up tearing off half my fingernail with the P.O.'s big tape dispenser thingy. So I'm standing there in line with blood dripping off my finger. It was pretty heinous. I wrapped it in my sweatshirt because I didn't have any tissue. Have you ever ripped off a fingernail or toenail? It's pretty fucking painful. And I had to go to work that night and enter shit into a computer for seven hours.

But I digress. This is my third week at my new job. My benefits kick in next month, which means I'll be able to see a doctor for the first time in five years. And I can go to the dentist. And see my therapist on a regular basis. That reminds me, I've got to finish filling out this paperwork and send it to Dr. ADHD so I can get my brain fixed. I'm getting my hair cut on Thursday and Friday I'm seeing Not!Mia (my therapist). Hopefully, my sister will be home this Saturday. Once she gets back, I won't have to worry so much. Plus, I miss her.

Anyway, my point is, things aren't feeling quite as hopeless anymore. Once I get settled at work, I'll be able to focus on my home life and get back to regular workouts and, more importantly, RUNNING. I took the boys up to my mom's for dinner on Sunday and when I drove past the track on the way there, I got really, really upset. I had my shit together and it all went to hell. I don't feel strong anymore. I've been so stressed out lately, and I know that running has always made me feel better and put things into perspective. I stuck with it for over a year. That's a big deal for me. To have not run in so long really bothers me. I miss writing about my runs three times a week.

Well, I'm going to go hang out with my dogs and read Slap Shot Original for a little while. Oh! And also fill out my ballot!

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, PEOPLE.

New blog.

Just a short note to let interested parties know I’ve started the Curly Joe blog, which can be read here. I don’t have a lot of time for updates right now, but LaShea and I at least got things started. It is my intention to post regular updates on Curly Joe's health and well being. Good days, bad days, so-so days. It's all part of the adventure. If you want to be updated on how he's doing, go to his page and click on "Follow." I won't be posting anymore Curly-related updates on my running blog.

Update.

Still here. Still not running. I thought I’d be able to fit my workouts in before I left for work, but boy was I wrong. I leave at around 8:45 p.m. and get home sometime after 5 a.m. At first I tried going right to bed when I got home, but I’d have to get up at 9:00 to feed the animals because my sister was working. So I’d get very little sleep and when I tried taking a nap in the afternoon, there was way too much going on. Neighbors running chainsaws, cats making noise, Curly Joe had to go out again, etc. So I haven’t been working out. I’ve lost some weight though (2 lbs); I guess being too busy to eat really pays off.

This past week was really incredibly stressful. My sister flew back to Chicago on Friday because she got the call that her mother-in-law was in the end stages of cancer and fading fast. She’d been in a coma for three days and when she woke up, all she did was ask for my sister. I went in to work Thursday night, intending to ask if I could leave early to drive my sister to the airport (which I work near), but when I went in to talk to my supervisor, I was appalled to find myself bawling my eyes out. J isn’t my mother-in-law, and I certainly don’t know her as well as my sister does, but she is a wonderful woman, and I hate that this had to happen to her and her family. My supervisor was incredibly understanding and told me to just head home. I was so grateful. I went home and stayed up with my sister, who was a wreck. I got about 20 minutes of sleep and then got up to drive her to the airport at around 5:30. Dropped her off, came home and stayed up long enough to feed the animals and let the dogs out at 9:00, then went to bed and slept until 6:30.

My sister is staying with her mother-in-law until the end, which the doctors say won’t be too long now. A couple of days more, I guess. J sleeps most of the time, but she woke up a few times and knows my sister is there. I am here alone, taking care of the animals and struggling to adjust to a hectic new job and trying to change into a night person after over 20 years of being a morning person. Saturday, I was so happy to have survived the week, I dropped off three rolls of film, went to the library, checked out some books and sat on a bench in the sun and read for an hour and a half. I was just so grateful to be out in the fresh air and feel the warm sun on my face. Winter is coming and there won’t be many more days like that.

I’ve got Wednesday off this week. I’m going to try and get my hair cut on Thursday (before work) and Friday (before work) I’ve got to take Curly Joe for a recheck with the doctor at NWVS. I work Saturday night, too (which is why I have Wednesday off). I’m kind of worried because I think Curly Joe may have a hernia. My sister says it’s nothing to worry about as long as he’s still pooping, but I’m going to ask the doctor about it on Friday. If he has to have another surgery, so be it, but that might be the end of me. I honestly can’t handle anymore stress.

I brought the dogs up to my mom's this evening to visit while I made dumpling stew. I also did laundry and took a shower. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do when we grow up? Mooch off our parents?

There is one good thing, though. I got a book in the mail: Slap Shot Original: The Man, The Foil, The Legend, by Dave Hanson. Totally forgot I’d pre-ordered it. I look forward to reading it on my lunch break. Now all we need is a book from the Carlson brothers, and I’ll be happy.

So that’s the news for now. I’m not doing very well these days. Nothing to do but keep on keeping on, right?

Just like anything.

Still here, guys. Still not running. Curly Joe came home a week ago and has recovered remarkably well for a puppy who has been on death’s door twice in the seven months he’s been on this earth. He’s a fighter. If he’s not giving up, neither are we. He hasn’t felt well since last night, but I’m trying not to freak out about it. I’d forgotten to give him his Pepcid two nights in a row, and that might have something to do with it. Not to mention he still has a severe liver problem, and is bound to have off days.

I started a Curly Joe blog with his foster mom; it is for anyone who wants to keep tabs on Curly and how he’s doing, and also so that I don’t clog up my running journal with puppy stuff. Not that the puppy stuff is bad, of course. I just want to try and stay on topic as much as possible. The blog will be made public once we get a few “earlier” entries up.

I weighed myself last night (for the first time in about four months) because I wanted to see if Curly Joe had gained any weight (he had lost two pounds pre-surgery). Curly has gained two pounds. I have gained eight. THE HORROR. I’m not freaking out about it, though. I’m on my period, and I had also just eaten a huge (veggie) meatball sandwich before stepping on the scale. I start my new job tomorrow night, and I know that having a set schedule will help me with eating regular meals. I have been stuffing my face regularly for the past two weeks, from stress and anxiety. My sister bought me a little laptop (bento) lunch box as a gift for getting the new job, and I’m looking forward to coming up with tasty meals to stuff it with. Right now I’m thinking a small salad, some raw red pepper strips, baby carrots, some almonds and raisins. I don’t have much of an imagination when it comes to food. It’ll be strange eating my lunch at midnight, but I guess I’ll get used to it. You know what else I know I’ll get used to? A PAYCHECK. And as soon as my health insurance kicks in next month, I’m making an appointment for a complete physical. I haven’t seen a doctor in six years. That’s bad. After that, I’m heading straight for the dentist. I need to have a wisdom tooth pulled and get a cleaning. I’m toying with the idea of teeth whitening, but I don’t want to look like an actor. I’d just like a shade lighter than what I’ve got going on right now. I want to look healthy, not Hollywood.

In other health-related news, after some careful consideration, I signed up at Jillian Michaels’ website. Of course, I didn’t find out until afterward what a shrew she is about veganism, but that’s fine. I love watching Biggest Loser, and though I know this website isn’t the same as working out for two hours every day with a personal trainer while your whole life is put on hold, I know that having structure works for me. Being able to enter my weight and my workouts and tracking my progress is what keeps me motivated. Here’s a recipe that’s easily veganized:

Dried Figs Stuffed With Almonds & Cream Cheese

Prep Time: 5 mins
Total Time: 5 mins
Makes 4 Servings:
Per Serving: Calories: 154 , Saturated Fat: 1.9 g , Total Fat: 7 g , Carbs: 21 g , Dietary Fiber: 4 g , Protein: 4 g , Cholesterol: 7 mg , Sodium: 73 mg

Ingredients:
1/2 cup(s) figs, dried
1/4 cup(s) cream cheese, reduced-fat Tofutti
1/4 cup(s) nuts, almonds

Instructions: Make a lengthwise slit in each fig, not cutting all the way through. Spread a teaspoon of cream cheese inside each hole, and stuff with one or two almonds. Serve.

Plenty of recipes to choose from/veganize. I have it set up that Wednesdays and Sundays are my rest days. Tomorrow my workout consists of:

Warm Up/Prep: Warm Up
Circuit 1: Jumping Squat (3 sets of 15), Plyo Push-Up (3 sets of 15)
Circuit 2: Military Shoulder Press (3 sets of 15), Sumo Squat (3 sets of 15), Mountain Climbers (3 sets of 1)
Circuit 3: Bench Dip (3 sets of 15), One-Leg Pelvic Thrust (3 sets of 15), Jumping Rope (3 sets of 1)
Circuit 4: Weighted Crunch(3 sets of 15) , Jumping Jacks (3 sets of 1)
Circuit 5: Tricep Kickbacks (3 sets of 15), Russian Twists (3 sets of 15), Jumping Rope (3 sets of 1)
Cool Down: Cool Down

I figure I will just do the elliptical for warm up and cool down. And I think I’ll change the jumping squats to regular ones; I’m not sure my knees could handle that. At any rate, I’m really looking forward to starting this. There’s a weekly checklist you can print out that lists all the exercises and has check boxes so you can mark them off as you complete them. Perfect for me! I'm giving myself some time to settle into my weird work hours and also build up my strength again before picking up where I left off with the Couch-to-5k program.

In addition to having a healthy body, I’m also working on having a healthy mind. I have contacted a doctor about coming in to be evaluated for ADHD (sans H). The trouble is, she has ADHD herself, so it’s hard to pin her down. She e-mailed me some paperwork to print and fill out while I wait for her to send me a packet in the mail. If I am diagnosed, I am comforted to know that in a month I will be able to afford medication. My sister has been doing well on Adderall, though she forgets to eat. I try to make meals and bring them in to her (she does medical transcription from her home office), but after I start my job, she’ll have to fend for herself.

That’s about all I have time for right now, but before I go, ARE YOU REGISTERED TO VOTE? Go to Vote for Change to register to vote, register to vote absentee or find your polling location. You can also double check to make sure you’re registered to vote in your state. In this day and age, it’s a good thing to pay attention to.

ETA: I forgot to mention how incredibly happy I am that hockey season is upon us. My Red Wings are off to a good start, and I'm looking forward to seeing how Stamkos does as a Bolt, not to mention Artyukhin. Oh, and Malone and Roberts. I was flipping through the channels the other night and was delighted to find some hockey. The Winter Hawks vs Guelph. I thought it was strange that they kept mentioning Marian Hossa. Eventually I realized this was a Memorial Cup game from ten years ago, before Hossa became a Senator. And now he’s a Red Wing!

Speaking of the Winter Hawks, I dragged my sister to the season opener at the Memorial Coliseum on September 20th. The Spokane Chiefs won 3-0 (the third goal was scored during a five-on-three power play) and with 3:12 left in the third period, one of the Chiefs hit a Hawk. The Hawk took exception to this and shoved the Chief. The Chief shoved back. The Hawk hauled off and popped him right in the face. Then there were helmets and gloves all over the ice and the crowd was roaring. It was beautiful. It went on for quite a while. Not a bench-clearing brawl, but there were three fights going on at once. The goalies stayed out of it. At one point I looked at my sister and she said, “Ok. Fights are fun!” They put two guys from each team in the penalty box (one of them practically had to be dragged) and then the captains spent a few minutes talking to the ref. Eventually, three guys from each team were led off the ice, and there was much cheering.

Depending on my work schedule, the next game I can go to is this Saturday (against Seattle). Sis said she would go to another game with me, and my friend Rene is interested in going, too. The Portland Firefighters Hockey Club are starting up again soon, and I plan on going to a lot of those games. They’ve got a charity game against the Seattle firefighters club in November. I’m really looking forward to that. And here I thought I would only have TV hockey to slate my thirst! I’m still planning on getting my passport so I can go up to Vancouver for a Canucks game, and speaking of which, I would looooooooooooooooove to get tickets to the Winter Games in 2012. And I really hope this shows in Portland. If not, I’m getting the DVD.