Week 2, Day 18

I ran today! Better once this week than none, right? It's 47° out right now, and the sun came out very, very briefly, so (even though I didn't really want to) I hauled my ass to the track. Of course once I got there, it started raining again. Only for a short time, though, which was good. Despite the warm numbers, the wind made it feel like it was in the 30's. I forgot my hat at home, but luckily I remembered my gloves.

Did my warm up lap and as I was stretching at the fence, I heard voices. I didn't have my glasses on, but I could tell it was two guys. I turned and saw them walking two big dogs. A golden and some white fluffy mutt. Aww. I wasn't too thrilled about sharing the track, though. I haven't had any "company" since summer. Apparently I'm the only one who doesn't mind being out there when the temperature drops below 60.

At any rate, this afternoon's run just flew by. I think mostly because I was busy thinking about how annoyed I was. By the fifth run, I was feeling pretty ragged but I realized the guys were playing with their dogs in the field, so I didn't have to worry about running into them. I keep my iPod turned down pretty low, and I could hear some kids shrieking nearby. Can I just tell you how much I hate that? It puts me on edge. You should only scream bloody murder when the situation calls for it. Like, for instance, if you're being murdered. To top it all off, someone was shooting guns off in the hills to the south of the track.

Blehhhhhhhhhh. So it was a good run, even if everything was annoying the hell out of me. The weird thing was, when I was done with my run and put my glasses back on to stretch and change my shoes, the guys with the dogs walked by again and they looked like they spent a lot of time at soup kitchens. I had been expecting sporty outdoorsy kids with REI gear, but they were wearing ratty old jackets and baggy jeans. Not exactly what you'd expect to see on a track. They didn't mug me and leave me for dead though, so whatever.

For breakfast this morning I had --you guessed it-- a smoothie. This time I added two tablespoons of carob. Not that it wasn't good, but I think next time I'll stick with one tablespoon. For lunch I had a huge salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, celery and red peppers and some leftover mashed potatoes and oat gravy. After my run I had a glass of orange juice. For dinner, Mom and I are going to this sandwich shop in town. They've got a hummus plate and several other veggie options. I've never been there before, but if I keep my expectations low, I'm sure I won't be disappointed.

As of right now, Weatherbug tells me this coming Tuesday and Thursday will be in the low-to-mid 40's and sunny. What better way to start out the new year than with a good run?

Bah humbug!

So, I haven’t had a chance to run all week. It’s been snowing, if you can believe it. On Christmas and Thursday, both of which are my running days. Tomorrow it’s supposed to be 45° and rainy, so I’m hoping to at least get one day in. Meantime, I’ve been keeping up with my workouts. I’m still doing the same routine, so I would like to go to some store this weekend and get a new workout DVD. I’m aiming towards Winsor pilates, but there are a billion of them out there, and I’m not sure which one(s) I should start with. (And by the way? The chick they’ve got on their main page? Way too fucking skinny.) This combo looks promising, but the thing I wonder about is this: how good of an upper body workout does pilates give you? The third disc from that set says it’s a total body workout, but I’m skeptical. I guess I can’t imagine getting an upper body workout without weights. I could always get this DVD, but I’d rather have an all-in-one deal. Because I’m lazy.

Anyway. I’ve been patting myself on the back for resisting the temptation to put off this renewed commitment to good health until after the new year. At first I kept thinking, Well, it’s almost January. I can start over then, but then I realized, why wait? I could just keep using New Years as an excuse and keep undoing ten months of hard work, or I could start right now. There’s so much I tell myself I’d accomplish if only I wasn’t so fat and awkward. Well, why not find out how much truth there is to that? What’ll happen if I’m a fit, healthy person? What will my excuse be then? I’m not tall enough? My teeth are crooked? I have E.T. feet?

I find myself increasingly frustrated to feel so good on the inside but not have it show on the outside. There’s a lot of pain, sweat and hard work under this flab, and I want it to show. That’s not going to happen if I keep putting everything on hold until after the new year.

For further inspiration, I got another Title 9 catalog in the mail the other day and I cut some of the women out of it and taped them to my computer. A woman skiiing with her dog, another hiking up a steep path in the forest, and another doing yoga on a dock. That’s inspirational. That and I took a picture of my ass with Photo Booth and it definitely looks smaller.

Whatever works, right?

Since I don’t have any runs to report, I guess I’ll talk about my smoothies. Rather, I’ll post some pictures.


Banana slices, strawberries, blueberries and a couple slices of peach (all frozen).


Tablespoon of ground flax seed.


Berry goodness in a Chicago Improv glass! (Ignore the catnip and the jade plant.)

This morning I added a tablespoon of carob powder to the mix and hooooooly taste buds was it good! I usually reserve the carob powder for Shazzie’s Choco-nut recipe, which I spread on bananas and/or sliced apple. I had no idea carob was so good for you!

”Carob is up to 8% protein and contains vitamins A, B, B2, B3 and D. It is also high in calcium, phosphorus, potassium and magnesium and contains iron, manganese, barium, copper and nickel. However, it should of course only be eaten in moderation alongside a balanced diet.”

And to think I felt guilty adding one little tablespoon to my smoothie. Pfft. So that's about it for now. Oh, and also? I deleted that picture of my ass.

A Festivus for the rest of us.

Week 2, Day 17

Holy crap is it crappy out there! But I did it! I ran three days this week. I RULE.

I spent the night at my sister's last night. We all went to see the late showing of National Treasure 2 and didn't get back until 1 a.m. By then I was too tired to drive, not to mention it was below freezing and I was pretty sure driving up the mountain would have been treacherous. So I crashed on the couch and fell asleep to the flickering warmth of the pellet fire. I don't think I've been that incredibly relaxed in a long, long time.

I got up this morning, fed the animals and then drove to the vet to pick up some k/d for Freddie. I got her two cans of it as well, for a christmas present. She loves canned food but I only give it to her as a treat every now and then. After that, I headed to the library where I picked up some CDs. By the time I got back to my sister's, it was 2:30. I packed up my stuff and took Tank home. It was rainy and windy at my sister's, but not too terribly chilly. I was hoping it'd be the same up at my house.

The rain gods came through once again - it wasn't raining at all at my house. Not only that, but it wasn't windy, either. I scarfed down a granola bar, fed Tank and did a few chores around the house before putting on my running gear and heading down to the track. I didn't want to wait too long and risk running in the dark.

I had on a long sleeved tee shirt, the fleece vest my mom bought me and my rain jacket. It was 44° with no wind or rain. By the fourth run, I had tossed the jacket onto the track next to my crappy gym shoes. All in all, a very good run. Unlike Tuesday and Thursday, I actually wanted to run today. I felt really good out there, too. Taller, somehow. I didn't feel like I wanted to die halfway through, either. I'm improving, but I'm still going to do another round of Week 2 next week. If the weather was warmer, I'd start Week 3, but the cold does a number on my lungs, so I feel like I should take it easy.

So yay for me! I'm so happy.

I need food. All I've eaten today is that granola bar.

Week 2, Day 16

I was determined to run today, weather be damned, but once again the weather gods must've been pulling for me because at around 12:15, the sun came out. I very quickly threw on my workout clothes (Last Resort Bra still a godsend) and ran out the door. I’d been to the post office earlier and it hadn’t felt that cold. It was 40° when I left, and when I got to the track (with my running shoes safely wrapped in a plastic bag), the wind picked up and it felt much colder. All I had on was a tee shirt and my rain jacket (and pants). Before I even got going, I had visions of quitting because it was too cold. I didn’t, though. I had a small, sunny window of opportunity, and I wasn’t going to blow it.

I changed into my running shoes and got going. I pulled my hood up and yanked the cinch tight to keep the chill off of my head, and that helped some. The first run was fine, but by the second run I felt elated, like I could take on the whole world. I guess that’s what a little bit of sunshine after four days of rain’ll do to a person. Plus I was just really happy and proud of myself for being out there. Even better, my lower back and hips didn’t hurt at all today. My calves hurt a little, but nothing bad. By the fourth and fifth run I was feeling a bit ragged, so I slowed down some, but for the sixth run I pushed myself. Did a full five minute cool down, stretched, changed back into my crappy shoes and went home. Then I did my ab workout, stretched some more and dropped my mom off for her Thursday errands.

For breakfast I had an Odwalla Choco-walla bar. After my run and ab workout, I had a couple of peanuts (still can't find the goddamn almonds) and a glass of orange juice before heading out with my mom. For lunch I’m having a Trader Joe's toasted sesame/tofu salad and a bowl of tomato soup. Don’t know what I’ll have for dinner. Pizza, probably, since I never made one the other night.

So now I need to invest in a fleece vest and a warm hat because I know now that I don’t mind running in the rain, so long as it’s not a full on downpour.

On the 21st I will have been doing the Couch-to-5k program for four months. Some people would be done with the program by now, but not me. I’m taking my time, and I'm proud of myself for everything I've accomplished so far. I think I’m definitely going to run when I’m in Florida next month, too.

More on the health front, I’m still drinking apple cider vinegar + water several times a day for acid reflux. My mom cut an article about ACV in the newspaper. It mentioned drinking ACV before a meal, which kind of makes more sense than drinking it afterwards, which is what I’d been doing. So now I drink it before I eat and it works much better.

Hurray for running! I’m in such a good mood. The sun keeps coming out, too. When I was in the car with my mom, I told her how glad I was that I ran today. She said, ”I’m glad you ran, too.” I made a joke about her being sick of how fat I am, but I realized that when my mom asks me, ”Did you run today?” she’s actually genuinely interested in whether or not I ran and is glad that I’m doing something for my health. I wish I could get her to exercise more. Swimming twice a week is good, but she’s in her wheelchair the rest of the time. I need to figure out a way to get her moving more.

ETA: I forgot to mention - I counted seven laps around the track today, including the warm up and cool down. Not sure how far that is, but there you have it. Seven laps.

Week 2, Day 15

That’s right. I ran today. I did my 20 minutes aerobic + ab workout this morning and then basically sat around waiting for the rain to let up. I watched the temperature rise on the Weatherbug, but at around 2:15 or so, it dipped from 50 to 49°, so I figured it was now or never. Not that the 40’s are cold, but it was also really windy and I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty out there if I waited any longer. I put on a sweatshirt, a baseball hat and my raincoat and headed out to my car.

Got down to the parking lot and it was pissing rain, so I sat around for a few minutes, made a voice post on my Live Journal, listened to some Golden Earring. When it let up some, I headed out to the track. Because I’m a genius, I wore my old gym shoes and put my running shoes in a plastic grocery bag. I have to walk through a lot of wet, muddy grass to get to the track, and I didn’t want to get my running shoes all icky. I switched shoes and got down to business.

I was cold at first, especially with the wind gusting in from the south, but once I started running, I got pretty sweaty. The first run was good. When I got to the second run, I wanted to quit and go home. I felt the same up until the fifth run when I realized I was almost done and I felt really good. I pushed myself on the sixth run and got going with a feeble but determined jog.

So despite my absences from the track, I think I did pretty well. The only problem is, my lower back hurt a lot. It’s been happening a lot lately, and I’m not sure what’s up. Maybe the cold weather? I hope it’s not arthritis. I was willing to accept it eventually spreading to my hips, but my spine? Unacceptable.

I gave myself a full five minutes to cool down, then I stretched and put my crappy shoes back on. Right before I got to my car, it started pouring again. Perfect timing! I think the rain gods are sick of me being fat, too. “Look, we’ll hold off the rain for forty minutes if you’ll please just get off your ass and DO something.”

I feel really really really really good. The whole time I was running, I was miserable. What kept me going was thinking about running eight miles next August. Christie suggested I look for some five mile runs in my area to try beforehand, so I’ll definitely check into that.

For breakfast I had a smoothie (berries, peaches, soy milk, apple juice, soy yogurt) with a tablespoon of ground flax seed mixed in. Pre-run, I had a handful of peanuts (because I couldn’t find my almonds). For lunch I had leftover Trader Joe’s vegetable and barley soup. (Can I just tell you how much I love barley? I hate rice, but I looooooooove barley. I need to buy some and then make something with it.) For dinner, I’ll probably make a veggie pizza.

I think I’m starting to gain back some of the weight I lost, so that’s one of the reasons why I ran in the wind and rain. I don’t want to be miserable anymore. I’m happy when I run, and I know I was losing weight because of it. So I’m stepping up my workouts and hopefully will start seeing results soon. I refuse to spend another year fat and miserable and feeling sorry for myself.

Oh! More good news: I was able to download my running log from Cool Running and open it in Excel on my own computer. I sent the file in to RunningAHEAD and now I've got all my info on that site! Thanks again to Christie for telling me about that place. Seems like there's a flood of disgruntled Cool Running folks joining up over there.

Thanks for nothing.

I went to Cool Running last night to go over my running stats only to find that this wonderfully glorious orgasmically awesome upgrade they've been going on about has taken effect and it. is. HIDEOUS.

All of my running information is gone. Granted, it wasn't several years worth like some people's, but it was still valuable to me, and I counted on Cool Running's easy running log to track my progress. It's all gone. Now I've got to log in to active.com. But! I can't access any of my information until Monday. And! It's no longer exclusively running. Now I've got to sort through piles of tennis, baseball, Lifestyle Vehicles, singles, travel, golf, etc.

All I want, see? Is a website...about RUNNING. I want it all in one package. You know, kind of like Cool Running used to be before they sold out and became ad whores?

I'm incredibly pissed off. Can you tell?

I'm shopping for a new website, so if anyone's got suggestions, let me hear 'em. JUST RUNNING, please. I could give two shits about golf. Oh, and you've got to log in every fecking time you click to another part of the site. HOW IS THIS AN UPGRADE!?

Very very very very very very very very very very very UNHAPPY.

Progress

No, I didn't run today. No time. I didn't have a chance to do my strength training yesterday, so I did it today. I realized that the reason I'm not seeing progress anymore is because I need to boost my workouts. I'm doing more reps now, and I know that will help.

I'm going to hurt really bad in the morning, but I'm looking forward to it. One other thing I've started doing is modified push ups. I've been doing wall push ups for over a year, and I felt it was really time I moved on to something more challenging. /sarcasm

It's supposed to rain all next week, but I think a hat and a raincoat ought to do the trick. If I'm going to run eight miles this summer, I don't have time to slack off anymore. I want to do this. Have to do this. It's good to have a goal.

Inspiration

I just had a brain storm.

I was sitting here, mooning over how incredibly fat and unhappy I am, when I decided to load up my pal Christie’s running blog. She started out doing the Couch to 5k program five months ago (and finished it). She is the one who inspired me to start a journal when I started the Cto5k program.

So the other day I read how she’d run 8 on the 8th, “a virtual race for running blogging friends,” and it seemed like a good goal to have. Since I started running in July, I have logged 23 miles on the track (total -- not all at once!). I’m still on Week 2 of the Couch to 5k program. By Week 9, I will be running 3 miles, three times a week. That’s nine miles total.

Which brought me to this: Christie and a bunch of others ran eight miles on the eighth of December. What if I made a goal of running eight miles on August 8th? Get it? 8/8/08? It’s something concrete to shoot for, and I could think up a really nice reward for myself. It’s just what I need to get me out of this fat funk. I don’t know how realistic it is for me to think I can run eight miles by then, but I’ll never know unless I try. The new Self Challenge will start in February, so I’ll have that to guide me, plus I’m going to see if we can borrow Mr. Wonderful’s truck and bring the treadmill up here. I’ll have to do some rearranging, but I’m pretty sure I can fit it in the office. And I can watch the birdies while I run!

While I’m at it, I’ve got to get my crap out of my old room at my sister’s house because I seriously need to be sleeping in a bed and not on doubled up futon mattresses. I’m old and this isn’t good for my spine.

So that’s what I came up with. I need to lose weight to do this. The pace that I run now, it works for me because of my fitness level and how overweight I am. But if I want to run eight straight miles by summer, I have to lessen the burden my muscles and joints and bones are hauling around all day.

It’s time to quit fucking around.

Limbo

Don’t get excited, I haven’t been running lately. I just wanted to post this picture I took of my (I like to call it “my”) track over the summer with my Holga. I really wish I hadn’t put the line in the center of the shot, but I figured you might not be able to tell it was a track otherwise. Live and learn, I guess.

I got eleven rolls of film back the other day - a year’s worth, really. It was a Christmas present from my sister. The majority of the film didn’t turn out, but the ones that did, I’m pretty happy with. I’ve got them all up at my Flickr.

This photo pretty much sums up how I feel about not running:

I think I'm starting to gain weight again, though possibly it's premenstrual bloat. Either way, I'm paying better attention to actual hunger and just plain old boredom. I talked to my BFF of 20 years last week, and after I got off the phone, I cried. They were happy tears, though. I haven't seen her in seven years, and the way my life has been going lately (downhill fast), talking to her got me out of my funk. Not that I hadn't spoken to her in a long time, it's just that something clicked. We made a promise to each other that, no matter what, we would see each other in 2008. So that is my inspiration. Not that she won't love me if I'm fat, but I don't want to be out of breath and uncomfortable the entire time we're together.

For the past month or so, I've really been slacking off with the aerobic, especially since I haven't been running very often. Instead of doing a whole 20 minutes, I just do a five minute warm up. Well, not anymore. I kicked my ass today, aerobically and with my hand weights.

For breakfast I had Trader Joe's strawberry soy yogurt with a tablespoon of ground flax seeds, and for lunch I had a big salad and a vegetarian taco.

I admit, I strayed a little. I was recently turned on to these delicious S.O.B.s:



Expensive, yes, but an excellent holiday treat. I only had one today, so that's not too bad.

Oh, another thing I'm looking forward to: February! That's when Self starts their three month fitness challenge, and I always do really well on it. I need a bit of structure I guess, and I like being able to input my meals and workouts and seeing it all graphed out for me. The other good thing about February is: sweet peas! (The flower, not the veggie.) That's when my sister and I buy our seeds and get them started. 2008 is the year we sell some at the farmer's market, I just know it. She's going to grow half at her house, and I'm going to grow the other half up here. I just need to make some frames first.

So that's something to look forward to.

Sorry. I haven't been running, so you had to read all this other crap instead. The Weatherbug says it'll be 44 and sunny tomorrow, so I do plan on heading down to the track.

I'll be seeing you tomorrow, then!

Still here!

I haven’t run since last week. I feel terrible about it, but I just haven’t had the time. I was supposed to be leaving for Florida on Saturday, but those plans have been shot to hell. Why?

1. We had to euthanize my mom’s guinea pig last Friday.
2. My dog got a ginormous hematoma in his left ear and I’ve spent the last week draining the bloody fluid out with syringes.
3. We had a pretty nasty wind storm here Sunday and Monday, during which our roof started leaking. Directly into the light fixture in the kitchen. We’ve been waiting four days for this fucking roofer to come out and take a look and so far, no sign of him.

At the least, we’ll have to have some repair work done. At the most, a new roof. Obviously, we can’t go on vacation in the middle of all this. And I’ve had so much going on, I haven’t had time to run. At this point, I think I’m just going to start over at Week 1. It’s supposed to be in the 40’s and sunny all next week, so hopefully I can get back in the swing of things.

I’ve still been working out regularly, so at least there’s that. I’ve been feeling like crap lately; physically and emotionally. Everything that can go wrong, has. After the year I’ve had (three animals dead from cancer), I really needed to get away. Seems like I can’t even do that. So now I’m having a huge pity party and none of you are invited. Sorry. There’s only enough room in this house for my despair.

On the health front, I feel ugly and bloated. I’m in a completely negative space about my body and my health, and 100% of that is because of not running. Since I started the Couch to 5k program, I’ve felt confident, happy, energetic and hopeful about my future. I haven’t had any trouble sleeping, either.

These days I’m depressed, hating my looks even though I’m still doing aerobics and strength training.

I need to get back to running, but it’s hard. I can’t always fit it in, or the weather prevents me from leaving the house. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I’ve got a 1994 Ford Tempo with a bad engine and I live a mile up a mountain. The snow level here is 1,000 feet, and when it freezes, I can’t go anywhere.

It would be alright if I could rent a truck and get my sister’s treadmill up here. My sister wants to join 24 Hour Fitness (as I’ve mentioned before) because she gets a discount through her work. I want to join with her (because of her discount, I would only be an extra $8 a month), but again -- I’d only be able to go if the weather permitted. And it’s a long fucking way to drive.

I’m just in a really shitty place right now. It’s probably the holidays. I know a lot of it has to do with next month being a year ago that I had to euthanize Luke. I’ve been dreaming about him a lot lately. Crying a lot, too.

I just want 2007 to be over with. Thank gad I've got therapy tomorrow.