Week 3, Day 4

The night were dark and the sky were blue
down the alleyway a house wagon flew

Today’s a smelly. Woke up to drizzle and gray, wanting nothing more than to hide under the covers and go back to sleep. Even on good days it’s hard to sleep in, especially with an old cat biting you every five minutes so you’ll get up and feed her. I’ve been pretty depressed the past couple of days (especially after the Wings lost Game 3 last night and the Pens broke Holmstrom), mostly because of some dogs that are in need of being rescued. I’ve been having trouble getting in touch with the people involved, and today is the deadline. I finally got through to voice mail earlier today, so mostly I’ve been sitting around waiting for my phone to ring. Finally at around 2:00, I decided to head down to the track before I drove myself nuts. The weather had cleared up and the sky was big and blue. 57°F, sunny with a bit of wind coming in from the SE.

Today’s run was a little bit better than Tuesdays. The only difference is that there were buzzards circling as well as the those damn grackles. I felt pretty ragged by the second 90 second run, even worse by the second 3 minute run. My mind wasn’t really on the track. I just felt sad the entire time I was out there.

I stretched and came home. I went down to the end of the driveway to get my garbage can, happened to find a little blue robin egg (cracked and empty) lying on the ground and took it inside with me. *shrug* It’s pretty. Now I'm going to force myself to do some aerobic and my lower body workout.

I don’t really have anything else to say. I guess I’ll see you on Saturday.

Week 3, Day 3

I go to find me some breakfast, but I ain’t got no food
Take me a shower, but the water don’t feel no good

Good day and welcome to Day 3. It’s 55°F and overcast today, but no rain. Yet. I wasn’t really looking forward to today’s run; I woke up later than I planned and that always puts me in a foul mood. Plus, I wasn’t feeling well. I’m convinced it’s self-sabotage because it seems like every other week I feel like I’m coming down with a cold. So I says to myself, “Listen up, Self. You’re running today, whether you like it or not. You got a problem with that, you can kiss my ass.” Had an orange for breakfast and then, out of spite, threw on my running gear and went down to the track.

Had the place to myself again. Got right into the warm up walk, and when I got to the other side of the track (approaching the fence I use for my pre- and post-run stretches), I heard all this angry screeching. I looked up and saw a Grackle circling me. Well, don’t that beat all, I thought to myself. Usually it’s buzzards. When I got to the fence, I paused my iPod and commenced with the stretching. The grackle landed on the fence about five feet away and continued screeching at me. A second grackle flew over and joined it. They both stood there making angry bird noises at me, while I started to wonder if maybe I should put my glasses back on in case they went Alfred Hitchcock on me. As I walked back to the track, I swear to gad I heard one of them say, ”You are doomed! Forsake all hope!”

They spleened me the entire time I was running. They must’ve had a nest in one of the nearby trees, though I can’t see as I was near enough to any of them to pose a threat.

...Can birds get rabies?...

Despite being continuously disturbed by Mutt and Jeff, I had a good run. Semi-good, considering what a horrible mood I was in. My calves were burning after the first three minute run, and after the second 90 second run/walk, I began seriously doubting my ability to handle the last three minute interval. But I did handle it, and for the last minute or so, I felt like I was flying.

I’m in a better mood now and am very much looking forward to Thursday. And Wednesday! Game 3 of the Cup final! The Red Wings are halfway to victory. I watched the game at the lonely end of the rink all by myself last night, but that’s ok. Every time I jumped up and cheered, Tank got excited and the cats scattered like roaches. The best part? Gordie Howe was there. And there was a big fight at the end. (Don't fuck with the goalie.)

Now I’ve had my flax seed smoothie and in a few minutes I’ll do aerobic and lower body.

Four in the net, ready to go. We be fast, they be slow!

I know this is a running journal, so be warned: I'm going to talk about hockey.

The Stanley Cupcake - Game 1
Originally uploaded by BlindTurtle

Well, here it is. My Super-Secret Hockey Dessert: The Stanley Cupcake. I know, it’s just a red cupcake with white frosting. BUT. It’s a red cupcake with white frosting. In honor of the Red Wings, ya dig? My original plans were too lofty for my tiny brain; I had intended to make a stencil out of the Wings logo and make logo-shaped sprinkles on the frosting. Didn’t work. Penalty for icing. Very sad.

The cupcakes themselves are delicious. I made the Crimson Velveteen Cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World (with Vegan Fluffy Buttercream Frosting). It called for two tablespoons of red food coloring. I only had two tiny bottles which added up to one tablespoon. I think for Game 2 of the Stanley Cupcake, I’m going to make regular yellow cupcakes with red food dye. I think the red would stand out more. I think. What the fork do I know about baking? I have a lot of other ideas that I’m not even going to attempt, mainly because I’m only amusing myself here and it’s not worth the money, time and effort. If I was entertaining a group of hockey-loving friends, it’d be a different story. As it is, I have only one hockey-loving friend and she has the great misfortune of living at the exact opposite corner of the country. (I say misfortune but you know what? SHE HAS HOCKEY.)

As for last night's game, well, it was fifty kinds of awesome. Maybe I should say 37 kinds of awesome because Samuelsson got the first two goals (unassisted). I don’t know much about hockey, but I still say that Lidstrom’s disallowed goal in the first period was bullshit. Fleury was out of the crease and Holmstrom (who wasn’t in the crease) hadn’t actually touched him with his stick, but whatever. Kronwall is a joy to watch, I’ve quickly realized, and I still get a big kick out of Rafalski. Here’s to hoping Chelios and the Mule are ok’d to play soon. I mean, the Wings kicked ass without them, but it’ll be nice to have them back. Anyway. Only one person reading this (at least, I think she's reading) gives a shit about hockey, and I already talked to her about all this last night (and during the game). So for her benefit, I submit this awesome shot, plus a nice summary with a better shot of Fleury kissing the ice (which I still feel really, really bad about. Don’t laugh at the poor kid! Let’s see you try and run on ice skates through a narrow passage while wearing 80 tons of padding.)

Indi tells me that we almost got the Penguins last year. As much as I’m rooting for them to lose right now, I’d take them as Portland’s hockey team in a heartbeat. JUST SO I COULD GO TO THE GAMES. That would bring the Bolts, the Wings and the Caps to town. *tear* Still, it would be really sad to see Pittsburgh without a team. I would hate to take that away from them.

Oy. What a great night. I sounded a lot like this**, except without the Indi, the crowd and the goal horn. When Lidstrom scored (what should have been) the first goal, I was so excited, I jumped up and somehow knocked my glasses right off my face. I was crawling around on the floor going, ”Help me...I can’t see...” I found them eventually. They’d landed on the couch behind me.

Also, I wouldn’t let anyone eat a cupcake until they watched five minutes of hockey with me. Sis and Homer ended up watching most of the third period. I’m hoping to get my sister addicted so she’ll want to go up to Vancouver with me to see the Canucks play. What? It’s only a five hour drive, and we can stop by the Supernatural set on the way home. Stop by, sneak in. What’s the difference?

Floor hockey was my favorite part of high school, even though I fucking hated high school with the white-hot fire of a thousand suns. We didn't get to play that often, but when we did, look out. Maybe I was taking out my frustration on the other girls (*cough*theydeservedit*cough*), but I dished out quite a few bruises in my day. I'm sure I scored a goal or two, but all I remember is not wearing any padding and having sore shins for a week.

**Tampa, Florida - February 27th 2008: My second hockey game. (The Bolts vs the Minnesota Wild.) Called in a voice post to my Live Journal. The Bolts lost again, but it was still fun. Anything goes, way up in the nosebleeds. And apparently I talk funny.

Week 3, Day 2

The weather gods are in a good mood. It’s supposed to rain today, but I just got back from running and it was 57°F. Sunny, windy and gorgeous.

The brain cell gods were not in a good mood, as was evident when I got down to the track for my warm up and realized I’d left my running shoes at home. Had to drive back home and change. My sister accidentally broke my clip-on sunglasses, and I left my regular ones at her house, so I was forced to use my mom’s baseball hat to keep the sun out of my eyes. Unfortunately, not only did the hat proudly display the name of the local senior center, but (except for the bill) it was made entirely out of black velvet.

The first 90 second run was easy. First three minute run was fairly easy. Second 90 second run was easy. Second three minute run just about done me in. I blame the hat. It’s okay, though; I wasn’t expecting Day 2 to go as well as Day 1. I’m still jazzed and looking forward to Day 3 on Tuesday! Looks like it’s going to be pushing 70 with no rain. Niiiiice.

For breakfast this morning I had some soy yogurt with ground flax seed and a hand full of grapes. I haven’t had lunch yet, but I ate an orange a few minutes ago, and now I'm off to do aerobic and lower body. Can I just say how much I enjoy having muscles? What I don’t enjoy is having them concealed under a mountain of fat. It’s frustrating. I wish I could be fit overnight, but I know I’ve got a long road ahead of me and it can be disheartening at times. 99% of this is diet. I’m not eating as well as I should be. Last week when it was 100°? I had half a pint of ice cream for LUNCH. One of the good things about summer (if you don’t have frozen delectables lurking in your ice box) is that I never feel like eating. Normally, I have so much anxiety, I can’t stop thinking about my next meal, but once the mercury starts skyrocketing, I can’t be bothered. All I really want is fruit and water. And bubble tea.

Anyway, I’ve been doing the Tonly Little strength training DVDs for about four or five weeks now. Though I’m seeing better results from him, I don’t want my body to get used to the routine, so I think it’s time to switch things up again. I’ll probably just go back to my Karen Voight routine (but add way more reps) or find something new. Also, a couple of weeks ago, I was poking around the Runners World website and came across a video of pre-run yoga poses. I thought that sounded promising, you know? Anything to help boost my performance. Then I watched the video and holy twig how does she DO that??

I was stretching after my workout yesterday and managed to twist myself into a slightly modified version of the pigeon pose and it wasn’t too bad. I think incorporating some yoga into my weekly routine would really benefit me at this point. I just suck at it. I use my fatness as an excuse, but I’ve been told numerous times that it’s entirely possible to do yoga when you’re overweight. I have yet to see evidence of that, but I’ve lost quite a bit of weight now and might find things different these days. I’ll keep you posted.

I’m a bit tired right now, as I was up until 1 a.m. working on my Super-Secret Stanley Cup Dessert Project. The baking part came out (almost) perfectly, but the other part, I’m not sure if it would qualify as a launch problem or a design problem, but I had to scrap my plans and improvise. I’ve banned everyone from eating them until after the first octopus hits the ice tonight. LET’S GO, RED WINGS!

Quote of the day:

“The hockey gods are smiling so wide, we can count their missing teeth.”
---NBC announcer guy on the Red Wings/Penguins finals matchup.

Very important: tomorrow is May 25th. Don't forget to bring a towel.



See you this Tuesday!

Week 3, Day 1

You can’t see the challenge of this I suppose,
but time is a dare and I’m trying to

I did it! Bye bye, Week 2. It’s been nice knowing you. I have now commenced with the kicking of Week 3’s ass.

I’m not gonna lie to you people. It wasn’t easy. I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Let me start at the beginning.

I fairly leapt out of bed this morning, so excited was I to start Week 3. I inhaled some grapes, washed my face, got dressed and left the house at a little before 9 a.m. It wasn’t track time yet; first I had to go to the compounders to pick up some meds for Benduka. Ben is my FLUTD cat that I mentioned in the previous entry. He’s back home and doing well, but needs some meds to keep him from getting reblocked. So I picked up the meds, went to my sister’s house, gave him all the medicine he needed for the morning, fed and medicated the rest of the animals and then went back home. Ate an orange, brushed my teeth, then headed down to the track.

It was 52°F, overcast and windy. Perfect day for a brand new run.

Naturally, the 90 second run (and walk) was no big deal, but nervousness about the three minute run made those 90 seconds fly right by. The next thing I knew, I was plodding along. And kept plodding ... and plodding ... and plodding ... and holy shit, I didn’t feel like I wanted to die. When the three minutes ended, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I knew I still had another round to go, but I didn’t care. I’d just run for longer than one minute for the first time in 20 years. Even if I couldn’t finish the rest of the run, I’d still won.

I’m happy to report that I did finish. The second 90 second run/walk was a little taxing, and the second three minute run wasn’t as easy as the first, but I made it all the way through without wanting to collapse at the end. In fact, I was so jazzed, I had a hard time slowing down for the cool down walk. I had to keep reminding myself to take it easy. I suppose listening to Mott the Hoople wasn’t helping.

Won’t you roll away the stone
Why be cold and so alone
Won’t you roll away the stone
Don’t you let it die

So I did it! And I can’t wait for Saturday so I can do it again! It might rain but WHO CARES?

I’m so happy right now.

I had a post-run smoothie for lunch because I wanted to make sure and get my flax seeds for the day. I’ll probably have some tofu and sauteed spinach/garlic for lunch. Right now, I’m going to do aerobic and lower body strength training.

See you Saturday. Just in time for GAME 1 OF THE CUP FINAL!!!!!!!! Woohooooo! I hope Chelios and Franzen will be able to play.

Week 2, Day 18 (revisited)

Perfect day for a run. 53°F, mostly cloudy, windy. NOT HOT AT ALL. The forecast is for rain today and tomorrow, but when I saw the sun doing it’s best to beat the clouds, I put on my running gear and drove down to the track.

I was feeling pretty good at the start of it, but by the third interval, I felt pretty run down. Usually I push through with the fourth interval, but today I only felt good during the fifth interval. When the sixth came around, I felt really heavy. Maybe it was that bowl of Cocoa Pebbles I had for breakfast (badbadbadbadbad).

Maybe a lot of my problem is boredom? I’m 95% sure I’m going to try W3D1 on Thursday:

Brisk five-minute warm up walk, then do two repetitions of the following:

• Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
• Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
• Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
• Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

I need to go out and get some good running shorts first. I usually wear these cheap, blue (ugly) shorts my mom got me from Bi-Mart last year. Bleh. I’m hoping I can find something suitable at Goodwill.

I’ve just eaten an orange and a bunch of grapes, and now I’m going to warm up again and do my lower body workout. I was going to do 20 minutes of aerobics, too, but I have to go to the library later, and I figure I’ll just swing by my sister’s on the way back and bully her into taking the dogs for a walk with me. The other day we walked them for an hour. Tank passed out when we got home. I’m glad he’s getting exercise, but it breaks my heart to see old age catching up with him. Speaking of old, here he is with Freddie. This is the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning (click to enlarge):

I didn’t work out at all yesterday; we had an animal emergency and had to rush our cat, Ben, to Dove Lewis. (Urinary blockages in male cats can be fatal.) My whole day was fucked up after that, so I just took it easy and tried not to freak out. I knew he would be okay, but when you’ve got panic disorder, little things are big things and big things are catastrophies. They’re going to pull his (urinary) catheter today, and if he has no problem urinating, we can bring him home.

In happier news, THE RED WINGS ARE IN THE CUP FINALS!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck you, Dallas. HAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! I can’t wait for Saturday. With everything going on yesterday, I completely forgot about the game (Chelios was out. Grim!). I caught the previous game, though, and though Franzen was still out, I was happy to see them playing some of the other guys. I get a big kick out of Rafalski, too. And not just because he's from Dearborn. We're the same age! See, you're never too old to play hockey.

Anyway. See you on Thursday.

Week 2, Day 17 (revisited)

I didn’t get up early enough yesterday to beat the heat, so I skipped my run and did my upper body workout. Even that was torture. It was in the 90s for two days in a row. Friday it hit 100. I went outside for two minutes to water my plants and came back inside dripping with sweat. All the baking chocolate in the house melted. I had to stick it in the fridge so now I have a couple bags of chocolate bricks. I’ll have to have my brother-in-law come up and put the AC in the kitchen window again. I’d do it, but I’m very small and the AC is very heavy and a move like that could kill me.

Anyway. It was 75°F by the time I got down to the track this morning. It wasn’t too bad at first; there was a slight breeze blowing off and on. By the time I got to the third interval, I was drenched and wishing I was running towards a large body of cold water. If I hadn’t been so overheated, I think I might have been a little bored with the run. I think maybe this week I might try Week 3. It’s going to be in the 60s, so woohoo.

To sum up: nothing to report except that I need to get my ass out on the track at the first sparrow’s fart if I don’t want to die from heatstroke.

For breakfast this morning I had a couple slices of fresh pineapple. I’ve hated pineapple my whole life, but suddenly ... I don’t. It’s not my favorite fruit in the world, but it’s all I had available so I ate it. Craving vitamin C, I guess. Haven’t had lunch yet but it’ll probably be a bean burrito or something.

I keep having dreams about the U.P. I haven’t been there in...nine years, but I miss it terribly. The first time I went was 1996 with my then-boyfriend, his niece, his older brother and his girlfriend. It was a memorable occassion for me because it was the one and only time we ever went on a trip together. I won’t get into that, but suffice it to say, I fell in love with the place. I never realized until I started looking at the atlas, how much area we covered on that trip. We left Chicago and drove all the way up through Michigan. I remember being excited about this because my birth mother lived in Saginaw at the time. (I ended up meeting her almost exactly one year later.) We stopped in Marquette to get gas, if memory serves. We camped in the Ottawa National Forest (specifically, Sylvania, near Loon Lake), but we spent a lot of time in the Porkies. I’ve got a picture of me and the niece with Lake of the Clouds in the background. We went to Iron Mountain and Ironwood. And then there was the Presque Isle River. We did most of our hiking there. Did a lot of swimming, too. Got leeches stuck to our toes. We stopped at Manabezho, Nawadaha and Manido Falls, which were gorgeous. At Manido, you can walk pretty far out onto the rocks and get close to the water. There was a big, swinging bridge at one point. I pretty much ran across it both ways. Bridges make me nervous. Helloooo, Lake Superior! As a Midwesterner, I’m ashamed to say I’ve only seen three of the five Great Lakes. One night, we all went out by the lake and lay in a circle and watched the most amazing meteor shower I've ever seen. The sky up there is so clear, I can't even describe it. It's unbelievable.

The next time I saw the U.P. was three years later. Different boyfriend this time around, and we stayed at his family’s cabin on Oxbow Lake (in Wisconsin) rather than camping in the forest. And I had Tank with me, too. Funnily enough, we ended up going to Presque Isle and walking across the same damn bridge.

Hey, why don’t I shut up? I guess I just really miss the Midwest. The PacNW is beautiful, but the people here are different. Portland doesn't have that "home" feel to it. No block parties, no illegally turning on fire hydrants in the summer. Now that I’m (kind of) over my fear of flying, I’d like to fly back to Chicago and visit. I’m also planning on flying out to Pittsburgh in the Fall to visit my BFF (picture taken when she was 11 and I was 13. She’s on the left. This was the last time I was taller than her.) Either that or she’s coming out here. I told my sister that we should take a trip to the U.P. I really, really want to go to the Boundary Waters in Minnesota, too. And while I’m there, stop in to see the wolf center. My friend, Hillbilly Mike went up there a lot and he never shut up about it. Paddling around in his canoe. I don’t think he camped, he just slept in his car. I’ve been wanting to go for over ten years now.

Anyway. I’m going to my friend’s softball game in a couple of hours, so I’d better get my ass in gear.

Week 2, Day 16 (revisited)

I'm updating from my sister's house. She needed her car again, so here I am. Got up at 8:00, but I still didn't have time to run, so I brought my gear with and ran while Sis was out. I left at around 11:20 and got back at noon. It's pushing 80 out there, and before I left, I started thinking maybe I'd put the run off until this evening. But then I thought about how I had a long day ahead of me and knew that if I didn't run now, I probably wouldn't want to later.

So I ran.

Nothing remarkable to report. I felt pretty good, despite the heat. No dogs tried to eat me. No semis or school buses tried to run me over. Said hello to some horses and a mule. Recovery time was good, and I was pretty solid for each interval. I might give Week 3 a try next week. I'll see how I feel. If I can't do it, I'll go back to Week 2. If I may quote McMurphy from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:

I tried, didn't I? Goddamnit, at least I did that.

Week 2, Day 15 (revisited)

Hey, guess what? I ran today. Tonight, actually. My car is on the verge of joining the choir invisible, so my sister has loaned me hers. Unfortunately, she needed to pick up some Old Animal Supplies from the vet today, so I went and picked it up for her. I brought all my running gear with me, even though my heart wasn’t in it.

When I got to my sister’s house, we played GTA IV for a little while, then she flipped on You Are What You Eat, and the more I saw the more uncomfortable I got. I didn’t want to run, but I had to. It was close to 7 p.m., but I didn’t care. I put on my running clothes, strapped on my iPod and headed out the door. Grubs would have come with, but she only got a couple hours of sleep last night, so I let her off the hook.

It was really nice out, 53°F. Mostly cloudy, a little bit windy. I was wearing a long sleeved tee shirt, which I regretted once I got going. The run went really well. I was pretty ragged by the third interval, but I knew I’d feel better at the fourth. And I did. The same white car drove past me about four times, which was really weird. I had my pocket knife with me, though, so I felt safe enough. My sister’s neighbor’s dog ran out and almost attacked me. That was fun. On the other side of the loop, two more dogs ran at me. Also fun.

Anyway, the run went by really fast, mostly because I was thinking about how I was going to have to shoot past my sister’s street (it’s a big loop) and keep going straight for the sixth run and then head back the other way for the cool down. Before I knew it, I was walking back to my sister’s house. I think I did pretty well, considering what a shitty day I had. I feel stronger these days.

I’ve been doing the Self Challenge for nine weeks now. My accomplisments (losses) so far:

• Weight: 10 pounds
  
• Waist: 3 inches
  
• Hips: 2 inches
  
• Thighs: 2 inches
  
• Chest: 3 (maybe 4) inches
  

I have worked out for 3,555 minutes and burned 19,153 calories. I am also now at a weight that I haven’t seen in about seven years. I hate to toot my own horn, but I’m kinda badass.

For breakfast I had a tastes-like-feet Whole Food Energy Bar (10g of raw protein. Berry flavor, my ass). For lunch I had pasta with veggie sah-sidge and a spinach salad. For dinner ... holy shit. I haven’t eaten dinner yet. Er. Tomato soup?

I stole some tofu from my sister, so I’ll be having a lot of tofu scrambler tomorrow. I’m addicted to it. Wrapped up in a tortilla. Woah boy.

It’s going to be pushing 90° on Thursday, so you can bet your ass I’m going to be out on that track bright and early.

And so, I’ll see you in two days.

(Game Four in 20 hours, 47 minutes, 24 seconds!)

Time of no reply

I'm not much in the mood to run. My dad died eighteen years ago today. He was a good man. Sometimes it seems like he was just a dream, but I can still remember his laugh and how he always smelled like Ultra Brite and shaving cream in the morning.

Dad and his dad.

Dad. Probably drunk. Really drunk. Sometime before he went to Viet Nam.

So handsome.

Evanston, Illinois 1968. (Note the large amount of snow and yet, Dad isn’t really bundled up. Midwest machines never break.) Six years later, Mom and Dad adopted me and my sister and brought us home from Michigan. We lived in this apartment building on Howard and Western, which was owned by my mom's parents. Mom and Dad managed the place.

My mom’s relative’s cottage in Michigan. They used to own the Schicks Motel in Coloma. (They sold it many years ago now.) One time we went there, Grubs and I must’ve been around ten or 11; we didn’t stay in one of the cottages, but the motel was pretty nice. There was a big swing overlooking the water (Paw Paw Lake). A ramp led down to the beach and there was a floating wooden dock a couple yards out. Grubs and I found a box of toys in a shed and inside was a big plastic Jaws and after we found him we were afraid to go in the water. One night, Dad challenged me and my sister to a race. Whoever could run down to the water and back first would get a dollar. The deal was, we had to dip our shoes in the water to prove we’d actually gone all the way down the beach. Grubs won, but the next morning our shoes were still soaking wet. Boy were we pissed. But my dad walked us down the road a bit to an old-time ice cream parlor (they sold regular food, too) called the Sugar Shack. There was a ledge all around the ceiling and a train ran along the tracks. Then we went to Deer Forest and got mad when our parents wouldn’t buy us peacock feathers. A little while later we found some just lying on the ground. SCORE! (Incidentally, this is more like what Deer Forest looked like the last time I was there.)

The photo is actually a reprint I made in high school. The assignment was to bring in a b&w photo, make a negative from it and then do a reprint. This one’s a bit washed out, but I couldn’t find the better ones. I got an A on the assignment, by the way.

Evanston again. Let’s take the babies out and tar the parking lot!

Dad and me. I still sleep like that.

Seriously reconsidering this whole adoption thing. Circa 1979.

Mom and Dad. They’re happy because neither one of them has yet to think adopting twins might be a good idea.

Dad was a small man, but he was strong... (Fun fact: Dad and his three brothers used to hop onto the back of the 'el, ride it into the north side and pick fights with the rich kids. They always won. My uncle Jack told me that story right after he punched the window out of my boyfriend's 1970 Cutlass.)

Brookfield Zoo
Chicago, IL circa 1975 or ‘76.

Dad and Grubs (and Peanuts). That’s my bed set now!

Dad and Grubs again.
Warning: Baby!Grubs contains tryptophan.

Dad and me at the grandparents’ house in Florida. Don’t worry, I was only trapped under the chair for a couple of hours.

To the faithful departed and those left behind, there is a light that never dies.

Maybe I should apologize for clogging my running journal with photos of my family, but the way I see it is running is part of my life and if I'm grieving on a run day, why the hell not post about it? It's certainly cheaper than therapy.

One thing I will say about my dad and running: When I was 15 and had my leg operation, my dad was adamant about me doing my physical therapy exercises everyday. I started out in a wheelchair, upgraded to a walker. It was important that I walk as much as possible in order to help strengthen my broken bones. Eventually I moved up to crutches and by the end of it all, I was walking on my own. This is something I will never forget: five months after my dad died, Mom and I went to a Halloween party at my Auntie Reenie's house. I was huddled in a corner by myself when Reenie found me. She sat down next to me, tucked my hair behind my ear (which is exactly what my Auntie Mickey did the day my dad died) and patted the brace on my leg. She smiled and said, "When you were in the hospital, and after you got out, your dad would ride his bike over to my house and tell me how proud he was of you for doing this. He said you were so brave, braver than him. And he said to me, 'Reenie, I'm going to get that girl walking again if it's the last thing I do.'"

I did walk again, with only a slight loss of range-of-motion in my right ankle. And now I'm running. I think that would have made him happy.

Love you, Dad. Miss you everyday.

Moms

Just posting to say Happy Mother’s Day to the moms out there. My own dear mother is still sick, so I’m thinking about making her some vampire stew.

Have a good one.

I've got a tombstone hand and a graveyard mind

Didn't run today. Sick. Don't worry, there's good news: The pain in my ribs isn't so bad it makes me want to die, and the Red Wings won again. I hope the Mule is back to his kick ass, non-concussed self by Monday, though.

Gonna go make some soup and watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Ah, Juicy Fruit.

Week 2, Day 14 (revisited)

Last night I had a dream that I decided I wasn’t going to run today. Then I was driving home when all of a sudden, a monster storm broke out and a pyroclastic flow started rushing down the mountain towards me. I abandoned my car, ran into the open garage of a nearby house and waited until all hell stopped breaking loose. When the flow stopped, I walked back to the road and looked out over the valley to see the sky pitch black with at least six tornadoes wreaking havoc on the countryside below me. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve seen in a dream. There's a Native American legend where (basically) if you see the dead man walking in a (multiple vortice) tornado, it means you're going to die. Totally not freaked out at all.

I know the dream was brought on by the insane volcanic eruption in Chile last Friday. I heard about it last night and became concerned because my cousin is on a big bike trek in that area, and he hasn’t updated his travel blog journal since the 30th (two days before the eruption). I’m going to have my mom call my aunt today; hopefully somebody’s heard from him.

So I woke up in a weird mood. Not to mention I was nervous about today’s run because (since last night) I have been suffering from what I now refer to as a V.C. Andrews-related G.I. upset. (I knew Petals on the Wind was going to be a bad read, but I checked it out of the library anyway. STUPID.) As I’ve mentioned, there are no port-o-potties over by the track, so if worse came to worst, I would literally be shit out of luck.

...moving on...

My knees have been on the verge of bothering me lately, so I made sure to have my flax seed smoothie for breakfast this morning. Pre-run I had a handful of almonds and raisins (mostly so I could take some acidophilus). For lunch I had some minestrone soup. I’m not feeling very well, and I don’t have much of an appetite. Bleh.

When I got down to the track, it was a lovely 53°F, overcast with a bit of wind coming in from the West. I was a little chilly in my tank top, but I knew I’d warm up once I got to the running intervals.

Today went very well. The heaviness is gone, and I felt pretty damn good. Usually by the third run I feel like I want to die, but today it wasn’t too bad. When I got to the fourth run, I felt amazing, like I could keep running forever. I left the track feeling very accomplished and happy. I went home and did my lower body workout and now I’m getting ready to go to the library. I’ve got to drop Tank off at my sister’s on the way, so I can head back over there to watch TV. She’s got cable ---> Versus -----> Hockey!!!! Western Conference finals. I’m so excited/nervous. Let’s go, Red Wings! (Yes, I’ve got my lucky red shirt on. Still haven’t washed it.)

See you on Saturday.

P.S. It started raining as I was walking back to my car. Perfect timing!

Week 2, Day 13 (revisited)

You can say the sun is shining if you really want to
I can see the moon and it seems so clear
You can take the road that takes you to the stars now
I can take a road that’ll see me through
I can take a road that’ll see me through

56°F today. Overcast. Kinda breezy. That sunshine was nice while it lasted! I kid. I actually went to bed relatively early last night and got up earlier than I have in quite some time. I felt refreshed when I climbed out of bed, too. Usually I’m groggy and stumbling.

I had planned on running before I took my mom swimming, but yeah. I farted around after breakfast (tofu scramble and a banana) and suddenly, it was time to leave. Oops? The good news is, my ribs feel better. The pain is still there, lurking, but I was able to actually swim today. I’ve been taking ibuprofen every eight hours, and I think that has given my muscles a chance to relax. I’m still going to try for Free Day on Thursday, though.

After swimming, Mom and I ate at a deli in town (because, surprise, she had a coupon). After scoping the menu and finding nothing I could eat (shocker!), my mom asked the waitress if they had any vegan options. Her response? ”Oh, sure! We have a veggie omelet and we have grilled cheese, oh and we have shrimp salad.”

Ohhhh! Shrimp salad! Shrimp is my FAVORITE VEGETABLE.

Deep breath. In with the good, out with the bad.

I ordered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My mom felt really bad about it, but I didn’t mind. There was a garden burger, but those aren’t vegan, either. Blah blah blah, had lunch, ran some errands, came home. Changed into my running gear and headed down to the track. Nobody but me there today. Woohoo!

Nothing spectacular to report. The run was good. I felt pretty good, but by the third run, I was back to feeling like I couldn’t make it through another three intervals. And I was getting kind of frustrated as I ran. I was thinking about how long I’ve been on Week 2 and how it doesn’t seem like I’ll ever get to Week 3. I fully admit Week 3 intimidates me, but at the same time I’m eager to get in there and try it out. I don’t want to push myself, but I also really don’t want to try and fail.

Anyway, after I plodded through the fourth interval, things got better.

Came home and stretched and in a little while I’ll do aerobics and my lower body workout.

I was thinking about last week and how I had such a tough time. I blamed it on PMS, but I think a lot of it was just plain old self-sabotage. I’m one pound away from losing almost 30 lbs. I think a big reason why I’m fat is because I like to be invisible. Nobody pays attention to the fat chick. I was traumatized enough as a child and a teen to come to believe that flying under the radar is necessary for survival. I can keep saying, “I’ll do this and that and accomplish so much once I’m fit and healthy,” but if I keep going on like this, one day I’m going to wake up and realize that I ran my excuses off at the track. And then what? I guess anything is possible after that, right? I’ve never believed that I deserved anything good in my life. Over the years I came to understand that good things only happen to other people, and all I had was this big empty space where hope should be.

But now my clothes don’t fit and I’m not in pain anymore. Something good is happening to me and I’m afraid that it won’t last. So what do I do? I backslide. Get back into old habits and stop working out. Depressed and miserable is the status quo, everything’s fine. If I stay like this, I won't have to actually go out and get a life.

So this weekend I did a lot of thinking about how miserable and lost I’ve felt this past week or so. Granted, I did take some time off because I was in an incredible amount of pain, but there were some days I felt good enough to get a little exercise but didn’t bother. I thought about thirty pounds and what a big deal that was, but I focused on the positive. Not about all the things I feel I’ll have to force myself to do, but about how hard I’ve worked to get this far and how proud I should be. I’m healthier, I feel better, I probably look better. Why would I want to throw all that away?

I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m getting there. I guess we all have our ups and downs. Last week was a big downer, but this week I’m on my way up again. And I really need to call my therapist. Anybody got $50 they can loan me?

I’ll end this on a happy note: Maple Pecan Bread! It’s a test recipe; I had two slices and gave the rest to my family. Proud of me?

Week 2, Day 12 (revisited)

Ran today. Not much to report. It was 60°F, sunny, bit of a breeze. Perfect for running. Tank top and shorts weather. Woohoo! (Don't forget the sunblock, kids.) When I got to the track, two guys were there playing with their dogs. (I think it’s a law in Oregon that you have to have Labrador Retrievers. That’s all anybody has around here. Yellow. Black. Chocolate. One or the other, all three, two of each, etc.)

Thankfully, the dudes and their dogs left before I was done with my warm up walk. The runs were pretty easy and recovery was quicker than ever. It’s just that I still feel really heavy. Sluggish. Blehhhh. I’m going to be a chick and blame it on PMS. I’ve been eating like crap and stuffing my face all week.

My calves didn’t burn at all while I ran, either. I think I would have felt a lot better during the whole thing if my horrendous rib pain hadn’t come back. I’m more than a little concerned about it, so this week I’m definitely going to the Free Day at the local hospital. They take emergency cases first, but I really don’t have any other options. I’m having trouble sleeping and I can’t take deep breaths. Could I seriously have somehow broken a rib? I can’t think of what else could cause this kind of pain.

Anyway. The run went pretty well, all things considered. The weather promises to be absolutely gorgeous this entire week, so it’s back to my regularly scheduled programming (Tues, Thurs, Saturday runs).

For breakfast this morning I had a berry flavored Whole Food Energy Bar. I stole them from my sister a couple of days ago. They kind of taste like feet, but oh well. I gotta eat something. No idea what I'm doing for lunch or dinner.

See you on Tuesday.

Week 2, Day 11 (revisited)

I know I'm better than before
I will not be reconstructed
Just wanna stay right here
On the sunny side of the street

It’s supposed to rain today, but so far? No rain! And now that it’s warming up, I can get down to the track earlier. Not early enough, apparently. Right after I started the warm up walk, a man passed me from out of nowhere, scaring the mess out of me. It was pushing sixty out there and the guy was wearing jeans, work boots, a black sweatshirt and battered leather utility gloves.

Shit, I thought. I always knew I was going to die on this track.

I slowed down to let him pass me. You know, so I could keep an eye on him. Once I got to the other side of the track, a woman showed up with her Golden Retriever. Safety in numbers, folks. With three of us on the track, nobody’s killing anybody without having a pesky witness to intercept.

I had my pocketknife with me, so that helped, too.

Incidentally, this is the same Golden Retriever I met on the track last year, only back then he was a little bitty puppy. They grow so fast!

Anyway. It was 59°F when I got down to the track. Nice and sunny, a little bit of wind. Absolutely scrumptious running weather. So you’d think I’d have a good run, right? Meh. It was okay. I felt really, really heavy again, but I’ll be getting my period next week (sorry, guys) so maybe that had something to do with it.

I felt really good the entire run, though right around the fourth interval, I started to feel a little haggard. I woke up this morning feeling like I was coming down with a cold, but it was probably just allergies. A lot of it was mental, too. I had a lot on my mind, thinking about everything I need to do today, and I just felt really overwhelmed.

The weird thing is, it felt hard and easy at the same time. Towards the end of the last few intervals, I kept thinking, Is it over yet?? but at the same time, I felt like ... I don’t know how to describe it. I felt like I was running. Not just plodding along, but full-on running.

Weird.

Anyway, thank gad for good weather. And for hockey! Oh my gaaahd, last night’s Red Wings game was awesome. (Franzen’s a KILLER!) They shamed Colorado with their own lawn. I’m hoping they end up playing Dallas in the Western Conference finals. Why? Because I have an irrational, all-consuming hatred for all things Dallas. It started with the Cowboys and now includes the Stars (with the exception of Richards and Holmqvist). To be fair to the Cowboys, I don’t hate them nearly as much as I hate Greenbay.

Food-wise:

I’m ashamed to say, I had a bowl of Cocoa Crispies for breakfast. The shame doesn’t stop there, though. I bought the cereal because I wanted the Indiana Jones Adventure Spoon. Don’t judge me.

For lunch I’m planning on a chick’n wrap with lettuce tomatoes and salsa. Why not throw in a big salad as well? Dinner’s up in the air, but I might make lasagna this weekend. I got some Teese burnin’ a hole in my fridge! I’m also going to try my hand at some maple pecan bread. It’s a test recipe for a cookbook, so I’ll have to try one tiny little slice. The rest I can pawn off on my unsuspecting family.

See you again on Sunday.

(Tank says hi.)