Decisions have been made!

Starting tomorrow, I am starting to exercise again. I don't care if it's just a 40 walk with the dogs in the afternoon or a half hour on the elliptical before or after work: I WILL DO IT. I will start running again. I'm just going to build up to it. Also, I need to buy another sports iPod holder thingy because my mom's cats stole mine.

Hope you're all doing well.

Getting closer.

Well, I'm still here. Slowly but surely getting my shit together. I'm happy to announce that I've lost ten pounds in the last month. A lot of that has to do with my starting ADD medication; Dexedrine was once used as a weight loss drug. I just don't feel like eating anymore. I force myself to, but at least I'm not doing the emotional-overeating all the time. I've been at my new job for about five months now, so I'm either working or sleeping. Now that the Self Challenge had started up again, I'm motivated to start working out again. I just need to find the time for it.

Also, I've had some asthma trouble lately, having a lot of trouble breathing. I've got medication now, thanks to insurance, and am getting it under control. I just really miss running. I'll get there soon. None of my pants or bras fit me anymore, which is exciting but also a pain. I'm either adjusting or yanking at an article of clothing all day.

Hope you're all doing well.

Turning point.

I recently went to a doctor in Portland and was diagnosed with ADD. Did you know that it’s more inheritable than height? My sister’s got it, and chances are (from what I know of her) our birth mother has it, too. My one goal tomorrow is to call and make an appointment with a doctor (thank gad for health insurance) so I can get started on medication. I have never been a supporter of meds, aside from all the ibuprofen I eat to get through life with the dry twist. I was on Zoloft about seven years ago but it did nothing for me. That was, according to the doctor, a good indication that I’d been misdiagnosed as having panic disorder/depression. However, there is something wrong with my brain, and if medication can help me, I am all for it.

I had a bit of a cry afterward; nobody likes to hear there’s something wrong with their brain. But I was also relieved. All these years I thought I was stupid and crazy. All these years of beating myself up for not being able to figure out the simple stuff. And hey, I didn’t get fired from my last job for being forgetful - I got fired for having a disability. (ADHD is recognized as a disability under federal legislation -the Rehabilitation Act of 1973; the Americans With Disabilities Act; and the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act). And these last three months at my new job, driving home every night feeling like the dumbest person on the planet, not being able to remember codes and procedures two seconds after they’ve been explained to me. Sometimes I’ll get a sample that I’ve done a hundred times before and I’ll have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Nothing on the req form makes sense. I honestly thought I was stupid. The simplest things are so hard, so what other explanation can there be? I’ll leave a load of laundry in the dryer for a week instead of folding it and putting it away. I’ll walk past a fork on the kitchen floor ten times and it’ll never occur to me to pick it up and put it in the sink. My whole life is overwhelming.

But now I know it’s not my fault. My shit’s all fucked up but it’s nothing I did. It’s going to be hard, trying to figure my life out now, but at least I know what’s wrong and will soon have the tools to cope with it. Once I get it together, I'll be better able to focus on things. Which means I'll actually start running again. At this point, I'm just going to have to start all over, but that's OK. This is kind of like a new beginning, anyway.

2009

(Don't drink and drive, okay?)

Here's to (literally) getting back on track. *clink*

P.S. I have to do Happy New Year early because I'll be at work when the new year rolls in.

Checking in.

Just a little note, to anyone still reading this, that I'm still around. Not running, not even working out. Just trying to survive the winter. I miss running like you wouldn't believe, but I can't seem to motivate myself enough to get back out there.

Any suggestions? Words of inspiration? Ass kickings?

Looking forward to the end of 2008. I never make New Years resolutions, but come January first I am going to get back to being kind to myself. Eating better, at least walking the dogs once a day. Baby steps back into fitness. Whatever it takes to get me there, right?

I've got a bead on a consult with an ADHD doctor in Portland, but ... I flaked on my appointment two weeks ago. I didn't even bother trying to set up a new one this last week and a half because we've been snowed in like ... I don't know. Something that gets trapped by snow?

Eventually, I will start running around my sister's neighborhood. I hate it. I hate the neighbors, I hate the area. I miss my quiet little broken down track in the middle of nowhere, where I could run and run and not be bothered by aggressive dogs and off-roading rednecks.

Well, I'm going to run along now. I've got to go to the library (in 12 hours, so I'd better hit the hay) and pick some stuff up (Bad Company, The Elephant Man: A Study in Human Dignity and Johnny Got His Gun). So I am going to watch some videos and then hit the hay. We didn't have much of a Christmas this year (as in: not at all), but we're all alive and doing relatively well, and that's pretty much all I want. My good friends Andy and Ed collaborated on a little gift for me, and it really made my day/week/year. For those of you who didn't grow up in Chicago, Svengoolie is only one of the best shows ever. It was like early MST3K except there was only one character (Svengoolie) doing sketches and telling jokes during the breaks. I spent many happy hours watching this show as a child, so when Ed mentioned the show on his blog, I seethed with jealousy. And what do you know? I recently received a package from Ed. Inside I found three DVDs, each containing two episodes of Svengoolie:

• Night of the Lepus
  
• The Creeping Terror
  
• The Gorgon
  
• Gallery of Horror
  
• The Boys from Brooklyn
  
• Mothra
  

Ed supplied the videos, Andy did the transferring. Don't I have wonderful friends?

I wasn't able to get the videos until yesterday (they were up at my mom's), and I still haven't had a chance to watch them yet. But I will. Maybe I'll have a Svengoolie marathon on New Years day. I have the day off. Why not start the new year off with an old friend?

P.S. I got my new work schedule and it just so happens that three of my days off coincide with several firefighter hockey games! I'm really excited and can't wait to go. I'm also hoping to catch one or two more Winter Hawks games as well. And let's not forget about THE WINTER CLASSIC. I'm so fucking excited, I can't even tell you. It might get postponed to January 2nd, though, because, well ... only in Chicago. Either way, I'm on it. I'll be glued to the TV, decked out in my Yzerman jersey. I am a bit conflicted about who to support, though. I was born in Michigan (about 45 minutes south of Detroit) but grew up in Chicago. I guess I should just consider myself lucky that both my home states (what? I can have two home states) are playing HOCKEY IN WRIGLEY FIELD. I'd give anything to be there.

And oh. My. Gad. I HAVE TO HAVE THIS:

Merry Christmas, eh.

Merry Whatevermas, internet people. My gift to youse: my favorite Christmas song:

The courage to start. Again.

Still not running, but this evening I found myself a pound away from my weight from my running days. I know it's not the numbers that matter, but it was disheartening to see I'd gained weight again. But I'm back down again and even my mom is telling me I look smaller.

I think maybe it’s because I’m working now and don’t eat as much? Honestly, I still stress-binge like a motherfucker. I might be able to attribute it to the diet root beer I’ve been drinking. Sure, the Splenda will probably kill me in the end, but at least they won’t need a forklift to get me into my coffin.

At any rate, I’ve lost weight and I intend to run with it. Literally. I’m not going to start up again until I’ve gotten in a good week of aerobic and strength training, and I also need to get that new pair of running shoes.

I just want to get out there and run right now, mostly because IT STOPPED RAINING.

ETA: I forgot to mention the hockey. I know, it's not a hockey blog.

Last weekend, I dragged my sister to the Golden Skate charity hockey game between the Portland Firefighters Hockey Club and Seattle firefighters (not sure what their club is called). The benefit was for the Down Syndrome Network of Oregon, and it was open seating so my sis and I sat up by the glass. It was awesome, especially since some guy in the seats behind us kept yelling out a line from Slap Shot, which you can here in this video I took:



Sure, he wasn't saying it correctly, but it was still awesome. Slap Shot quotes at a hockey game. Life is good.

P.S. Portland won, 8-1. And there was a fight.