Week One, Day One (third time's a charm!)

Well, I did it! I ran! It was pushing 80° by the time I got out there (5 p.m.), but I was determined to run anyway. Two minutes into the warm up, I was accosted by a neighbor dog. Friendly, thankfully, but you know how dogs thing fast-moving beings are fun to chase. Going into my fourth run interval, I was accosted by two other dogs. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO KEEP YOUR DOGS IN THE FUCKING YARD?

But I digress. I downloaded the Couch to 5k application for my iPhone, but I don't have a holder big enough for my iPhone. I'll just go with my trusty old iPod. Right when it went into the first run interval, I started smiling. It was like meeting an old friend. You know, the kind you like to see but don't necessarily get along with a lot of the time?

As I plodded along, I started thinking, This isn't so bad. Maybe I won't have to do much of Week 1 after all. Famous last words. By the fourth run interval, I was contemplating quitting. Ah, yes. Now I remember. The love/hate thing.

It's good to be back.

The only thing is that, in the summer, I'm used to running early in the morning to avoid the heat. Nowadays, I go to bed at around 7:30 or 8:00 so I'm up by 3:30 or so. I think that I will try running after I get home Wednesday morning. Maybe around 6:30? I know you're not supposed to work out before you go to bed, but I need to run when it's light out so none of my asshole neighbors run me down on their way to work. It'll take some adjustment, but I'll figure this out. I need to get some new shorts, though.

Anyway, go me!

After running, I stretched, took my Vyvanse and then my sister and I went outside and cut down a whole mess of brambles. Quite a productive day! Tomorrow I may give my sister's pilates machine a try.

Now I have to go get ready for work.

This is some shit up with which I will not put.

I'm going to bed in a little while, and when I get up (and have a nice, healthy smoothie for breakfast) around 3:30, I'm going to go running.

Third time's a charm, eh?

It's been a while since I ran. I'm afraid to look, but ... yeah. August 2nd of last year. Way, way, way, way too long.

I had already planned on starting up again today, but I just found an application for the iPhone that allows you to listen to your own music while running; the application gives you audio cues to let you know when it's time to slow down or speed up. It was $2.99, but I got it anyway. The Ulrey podcasts are wonderful, but I have never liked the music. Now I can plod along to my classic rock and (thanks to my friend Mara) the Netherlands Top 40.

I've lost almost 12 pounds since February and I was going to wait until I got back into strength training before I started running again, but with my graveyard schedule and all the crap going on in my life right now, I don't really have time to squeeze all that in everyday. For now, I'll just go with the running. See how I do. I still need to get new shoes, so hopefully my old ones (still in great condition) will suffice.

Wish me luck!

Decisions have been made!

Starting tomorrow, I am starting to exercise again. I don't care if it's just a 40 walk with the dogs in the afternoon or a half hour on the elliptical before or after work: I WILL DO IT. I will start running again. I'm just going to build up to it. Also, I need to buy another sports iPod holder thingy because my mom's cats stole mine.

Hope you're all doing well.

Getting closer.

Well, I'm still here. Slowly but surely getting my shit together. I'm happy to announce that I've lost ten pounds in the last month. A lot of that has to do with my starting ADD medication; Dexedrine was once used as a weight loss drug. I just don't feel like eating anymore. I force myself to, but at least I'm not doing the emotional-overeating all the time. I've been at my new job for about five months now, so I'm either working or sleeping. Now that the Self Challenge had started up again, I'm motivated to start working out again. I just need to find the time for it.

Also, I've had some asthma trouble lately, having a lot of trouble breathing. I've got medication now, thanks to insurance, and am getting it under control. I just really miss running. I'll get there soon. None of my pants or bras fit me anymore, which is exciting but also a pain. I'm either adjusting or yanking at an article of clothing all day.

Hope you're all doing well.

Turning point.

I recently went to a doctor in Portland and was diagnosed with ADD. Did you know that it’s more inheritable than height? My sister’s got it, and chances are (from what I know of her) our birth mother has it, too. My one goal tomorrow is to call and make an appointment with a doctor (thank gad for health insurance) so I can get started on medication. I have never been a supporter of meds, aside from all the ibuprofen I eat to get through life with the dry twist. I was on Zoloft about seven years ago but it did nothing for me. That was, according to the doctor, a good indication that I’d been misdiagnosed as having panic disorder/depression. However, there is something wrong with my brain, and if medication can help me, I am all for it.

I had a bit of a cry afterward; nobody likes to hear there’s something wrong with their brain. But I was also relieved. All these years I thought I was stupid and crazy. All these years of beating myself up for not being able to figure out the simple stuff. And hey, I didn’t get fired from my last job for being forgetful - I got fired for having a disability. (ADHD is recognized as a disability under federal legislation -the Rehabilitation Act of 1973; the Americans With Disabilities Act; and the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act). And these last three months at my new job, driving home every night feeling like the dumbest person on the planet, not being able to remember codes and procedures two seconds after they’ve been explained to me. Sometimes I’ll get a sample that I’ve done a hundred times before and I’ll have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Nothing on the req form makes sense. I honestly thought I was stupid. The simplest things are so hard, so what other explanation can there be? I’ll leave a load of laundry in the dryer for a week instead of folding it and putting it away. I’ll walk past a fork on the kitchen floor ten times and it’ll never occur to me to pick it up and put it in the sink. My whole life is overwhelming.

But now I know it’s not my fault. My shit’s all fucked up but it’s nothing I did. It’s going to be hard, trying to figure my life out now, but at least I know what’s wrong and will soon have the tools to cope with it. Once I get it together, I'll be better able to focus on things. Which means I'll actually start running again. At this point, I'm just going to have to start all over, but that's OK. This is kind of like a new beginning, anyway.

2009

(Don't drink and drive, okay?)

Here's to (literally) getting back on track. *clink*

P.S. I have to do Happy New Year early because I'll be at work when the new year rolls in.

Checking in.

Just a little note, to anyone still reading this, that I'm still around. Not running, not even working out. Just trying to survive the winter. I miss running like you wouldn't believe, but I can't seem to motivate myself enough to get back out there.

Any suggestions? Words of inspiration? Ass kickings?

Looking forward to the end of 2008. I never make New Years resolutions, but come January first I am going to get back to being kind to myself. Eating better, at least walking the dogs once a day. Baby steps back into fitness. Whatever it takes to get me there, right?

I've got a bead on a consult with an ADHD doctor in Portland, but ... I flaked on my appointment two weeks ago. I didn't even bother trying to set up a new one this last week and a half because we've been snowed in like ... I don't know. Something that gets trapped by snow?

Eventually, I will start running around my sister's neighborhood. I hate it. I hate the neighbors, I hate the area. I miss my quiet little broken down track in the middle of nowhere, where I could run and run and not be bothered by aggressive dogs and off-roading rednecks.

Well, I'm going to run along now. I've got to go to the library (in 12 hours, so I'd better hit the hay) and pick some stuff up (Bad Company, The Elephant Man: A Study in Human Dignity and Johnny Got His Gun). So I am going to watch some videos and then hit the hay. We didn't have much of a Christmas this year (as in: not at all), but we're all alive and doing relatively well, and that's pretty much all I want. My good friends Andy and Ed collaborated on a little gift for me, and it really made my day/week/year. For those of you who didn't grow up in Chicago, Svengoolie is only one of the best shows ever. It was like early MST3K except there was only one character (Svengoolie) doing sketches and telling jokes during the breaks. I spent many happy hours watching this show as a child, so when Ed mentioned the show on his blog, I seethed with jealousy. And what do you know? I recently received a package from Ed. Inside I found three DVDs, each containing two episodes of Svengoolie:

• Night of the Lepus
  
• The Creeping Terror
  
• The Gorgon
  
• Gallery of Horror
  
• The Boys from Brooklyn
  
• Mothra
  

Ed supplied the videos, Andy did the transferring. Don't I have wonderful friends?

I wasn't able to get the videos until yesterday (they were up at my mom's), and I still haven't had a chance to watch them yet. But I will. Maybe I'll have a Svengoolie marathon on New Years day. I have the day off. Why not start the new year off with an old friend?

P.S. I got my new work schedule and it just so happens that three of my days off coincide with several firefighter hockey games! I'm really excited and can't wait to go. I'm also hoping to catch one or two more Winter Hawks games as well. And let's not forget about THE WINTER CLASSIC. I'm so fucking excited, I can't even tell you. It might get postponed to January 2nd, though, because, well ... only in Chicago. Either way, I'm on it. I'll be glued to the TV, decked out in my Yzerman jersey. I am a bit conflicted about who to support, though. I was born in Michigan (about 45 minutes south of Detroit) but grew up in Chicago. I guess I should just consider myself lucky that both my home states (what? I can have two home states) are playing HOCKEY IN WRIGLEY FIELD. I'd give anything to be there.

And oh. My. Gad. I HAVE TO HAVE THIS: